


Dragons and Champions

by HQuinn



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Angst, Blow Jobs, Did I Mention Angst?, Elf/Human Relationship(s), Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Falling In Love, Happy Ending, It's just never easy, Love, Mages and Templars, Oral Sex, Past Relationship(s), Relationship(s), Semi-Public Sex, Sex, Smut, Vaginal Fingering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-04
Updated: 2016-06-23
Packaged: 2018-05-24 17:39:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 30
Words: 72,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6161293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HQuinn/pseuds/HQuinn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The road to true love is never easy.  For these two it's really really not easy.</p><p>The Hero arrives in Kirkwall.  She barely tolerates Garrett Hawke, but looks can be deceiving.</p><p>(now with art)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A New Mission

**Author's Note:**

> If you're on Tumblr, you can find me there as WardenAri :)

_ Alistair laid on his side, head rested on his elbow while his other hand ran along Kallian's stomach, up to her neck, down and then up again, his eyes following the journey. She was smaller than him, and softer, being a mage instead of a warrior like him. His hand moved to cup her cheek, and he bent down, pressing a soft kiss to her lips. He watched his blonde haired elven goddess, her blue eyes shining as she looked at him. He loved how her long hair surrounded her head when she was lying down and he couldn't help but once again run his fingers through it, something he'd taken to doing often. Everything else in his life had been so hard, she softened the rough edges and he loved her for it. _

_ He loved these quiet moment with her, before they had to get dressed, before they had to be 'Grey Wardens' again. Here, in the bedroom of Arl Eamon's estate they were just Alistair and Kallian, two lost souls who'd found love. In here there was no Blight, no impending coronation, no Archedemon. It was just a man and the woman that had become his world. _

_ Kallian reached up, running her hand along his strong jaw and through the beard that had grown there during their time on the road, and then further back to his neck and into his hair. His eyes shone with adoration for her, she felt like she could get lost in them. She sighed, hearing the others starting to move around the hallway knowing their time in this cocoon was short. “I love you, Alistair.” _

_ His grin grew wide at her declaration. No matter how many times she had said it to him, he always looked at her as if he was hearing it for the first time. “I love you too, my beautiful Queen.” he kissed her again. _

_ She looked away, took a deep breath before looking up at him again, “Don't...” _

_ Alistair shook his head, he wasn't going to have this argument with her, not again. “If they want me to be their King, then they will just have to accept you as their Queen. There's no other way, Kallian, because as soon as we find and defeat the Archdemon, I'm going to marry you. If a beautiful, strong Queen, who just  _ happens _ to be an elf mage is something they can't accept, than they can keep their kingdom.” _

_ She reached up, wrapping both arms behind his neck pulling him down to her and sighed. She decided that if he was going to be King, she might as well start following his decrees. “Well then, come here my and kiss me, my King.” _

***

Hawke walked through Darktown with Varric and Sebastian alongside. “Did Blondie say what he needed you for?” the dwarf asked.

Hawke shook his head as he bent down to hand some coin to a woman sitting near the wall, dressed in rags and clearly in need of a meal. “I couldn't, Serrah,” she said.

Hawke patted her hand. “Take it, you have more need of it than I do,” he glanced over to the two young ones beside her. She nodded, her eyes showing her gratefulness.

The windfall from the Deep Roads had provided more than enough to buy the estate for his mother. It had come at a high cost, however, with Carver having succumb to the taint. Hawke had taken to using his new found wealth to try to help those that needed it most, as if hoping to counter the feelings of guilt he always carried for having taken his brother in the first place.

He stood back up and straightened his robes, running a hand through his beard. “He just told Bodhan he needed help and for me to meet him at the clinic.”

The lanterns outside the clinic were off, indicating Anders wasn't seeing patients, but Garrett could see a light from under the door and heard voices, letting them know Anders was inside. Hawke could sense the feel of magic different than Anders and knew another mage must also be in the clinic. They entered through the closed door, closing it back behind them. An elf with short, blonde hair was sitting on the table while Anders held her arm, healing energy pouring from his free hand onto the wound.

“How did you let them get this close, Rana? You're a mage, you're suppose to fight  _ away _ from the battle, or have you forgotten?” Anders scolded the woman in an affectionate manner.

She rolled her eyes and Hawke instantly thought of his brother, and how Carver would do that to him constantly. When she spoke, she reminded him even more of Carver, the annoyance only a sibling could work into their voice. “I  _ know _ that, Anders. Clearly the mercenaries I hired were worthless, that's why I came to you.”

“Did you at least set the bad guys on fire?” Anders ignored her tone completely.

“Of course,” she gave him a small grin.

He stepped back from the table, “Ok, all done. Hop down, Rana.” Anders scooped her up into a tight hug the minute her feet hit the ground, one which she eagerly returned.

At that point Hawke decided to interrupt, letting out a small cough to announce their arrival. They both looked to the door, the elf moved in front of Anders as if to protect him, which Hawke found amusing, as the healer towered over a foot taller than her. Anders placed a hand on her arm. “Rana, it's ok, these are the friends I told you about. Garrett Hawke, Varric Tethras, and Sebastian Vael” he motioned to each one as he named them. “Hawke, Varric, Sebastian, this is my old friend, ouch! You just elbowed me!” Anders looked at the elf while rubbing his stomach.

“And you just called me  _ old _ !” she responded.

“That's not what I meant and you know it!” Anders shook his head.

“As I was saying,” Anders continued, placing both hands along her arms to keep from any other elbows flying. “This  _ young _ woman is a friend I've known since the circle, Kallian Surana.”

Hawke and Varric exchanged glances, that was a name very well known, although usually followed by the title  _ The Hero of Ferelden _ , so named by Queen Anora of Ferelden.

Kallian looked them all up and down. “Well at least he smells better than Oghren,” she looked at Anders who chuckled in response.

“You have any problem working with mages, Chantry boy?” she asked Sebastian, who shook his head in response.

“Some of my best friends are mages,” he answered in a strong Starkhaven accent.

She then looked over Hawke with a critical eye. “You can fight?”

“Hawke's one of the best I've seen, Rana.” Anders tried to reassure her.

“Fine, but you better not disappoint me. The last ones that did are still smoldering.” she threatened. “I'll see you at the tavern later Anders, I'm going to catch up with a friend.”

As she walked past Hawke caught the look of disdain she was giving him. He watched her as she walked out the door. Her blue and gray robes cinched at her hips gave enough of a curve for Hawke to notice her figure. She was not unattractive, and Hawke had the feeling if she actually smiled, she'd be beautiful. Once the door was shut behind her he turned back to Anders.

“I get the feeling your friend doesn't like me very much. Usually I have to at least talk before someone finds me annoying.” Hawke shook his head with a smile.

“You're not on fire, that's about as close to liking you as you'll probably get from her.” Anders chuckled.

“You got a hug. How do I do that?” Hawke asked, his eyes moving back to the door she walked out of.

“Well first you need to spend a decade together in the circle. She's the closest to family I have, but sorry Hawke, her heart's been broken into too many pieces. She's unlikely to let anyone close. She's not the same person she was before the blight. ” Anders shrugged.

“Who is?” Hawke sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Mother said you had some herbs for her?”

Anders nodded, “Yes, back here. Let's bring them to her and then meet Rana at The Hanged-Man. She has a job for us.” he walked towards his private room in the back, the rest following.

***

When they entered the Hanged-Man, Hawke quickly spotted her at a back table. Fenris sat alongside Isabela, his arm around her shoulder. Their attention was on the elf next to Isabela, gesturing wildly in the middle of some story.

“Well, I guess we found out who this friend of hers was,” Varric nodded, pushing through the crowd towards his room. They caught Fenris' eye as they moved by, and he nodded, turning to say something to the women. A few moments later the three of them were following into Varric's room.

The dwarf sat at the head of the table and produced a pack of cards that he began to shuffle and the barmaid, Norah, handed out ales. Fenris sat upon the bench, and Isabela took her usual seat - which was her being pressed as close as she could to Fenris. Hawke took his seat beside Fenris, and closest to Varric. On the other side Anders and Kallian sat. Hawke was finally able to get a good look at her while she was focused on whatever Anders was saying to her. She had short blonde hair that looked like it had been hacked off with a dagger. Her eyes were such a deep blue that they looked like the Waking Sea to him. She wore two charms around her neck, one appeared to be a few rose petals encased in some type of clear resin. The other looked like a locket of some type, a small gold oval. She had no Vallaslin like Merrill, so he assumed she was not Dalish. In her ear appeared to be the mate to Anders' gold earring.

“So, Rana, what's this mission?” Hawke asked her.

“It's Kallian.” she corrected him and pointed to Anders, “Only he calls be Rana, and that's just because I've given up trying to get him to stop.” she playfully nudged into Anders.

“That's because you love me,” he teased back.

“No,” she shook her head. “I tolerate you, I love Justice.”

Anders was quiet for a moment, “He says 'Thank you'”

She nodded back to Anders with a half smile, and then turned back to Hawke. “There's a dragon near the mines. Specifically a High Dragon. I have need of the scales from it's head.”

“And it's probably not about to just let us walk up and ask for them politely, is it?” Hawke pondered.

“If it would I wouldn't be asking for your help.” she snapped and once again gave him a look that made him wonder what it was about him that seemed to set her on edge.

“What do you need it for?” he asked trying to redirect the conversation, hopefully somewhere interesting. He looked at the cards in front of him and sighed as he looked at Varric out of the corner of his eye. He felt too often like the dwarf purposely dealt him horrible hands.

“Warden business,” she answered and looked down at her cards throwing in a copper into the pile. So much for somewhere interesting, he thought.

“So you in?” she asked.

Hawke looked around the room, Fenris and Isabela both nodded as did Varric. “You know you don't even have to ask, Rana,” Anders assured her.

“Looks like we're in then,” Hawke confirmed.

“Great, let's get some more drinks to celebrate,” Isabela clapped her hands and reached for Kallian's arm.

“We're in the middle of a game,” Hawke complained.

Kallian handed her cards to Anders, “Let him play, Justice, bluffing is not lying.” Anders chuckled at her scolding the spirit as she walked off with Isabela.

After the women left, Hawke looked across the table to Anders, “So what is it? Do I look like a Templar at the Circle? Did I kick her puppy? Use the wrong fork at dinner?”

Anders raised an eyebrow, “The wrong fork?”

Hawke shrugged, “Sorry, Mother is trying to force some formal etiquette into my head, something about some dinner she wants me to attend, meet a nice girl, 'settle down and give me grandchildren'.” he rolled his eyes. “She even dragged Fen into it last time.”

The elf shook in response as if a shiver had run through him, “It was quite unpleasant.” he grumbled as Varric chuckled.

“It's nothing you did, Hawke, that's just Rana. She wasn't always like that,  _ things _ happened, and she came out of it more...” he thought for a moment, “prickly.”

“Like Broody?” Varric asked and Anders nodded in reply. Varric looked up hearing a noise in the front room. “Speaking of your girlfriend, Hawke, you might want to get out there. It looks like she's ready to burn the place down.”

Hawke looked through the doorway. Isabela had her arms held back but a large blonde man as a larger red-headed man was moving towards the Hero. He seemed unaware of the flames starting to gather in her hands. Hawke took one look at Fenris and they both bolted up and ran to the front room. Fenris tore the man off of Isabela in one move while Hawke inserted himself between Kallian and the red-head. Hawke could now smell the man was rather intoxicated.

“I think it's best you and your friends just leave before my glowing friend over there starts removing vital organs,” he gestured towards where he knew, without even looking, Fenris would be standing.

“Hey, buddy, I ain't looking for no trouble. Just lookin' for a little fun with that sweet thing behind you, been a long time since I've had an elf.” the drunk replied.

Behind him he could feel Kallian trying to move around him. “Step out of the way, idiot, so I can watch him fry.” she growled as she tried to push Hawke aside. He being much larger, she was having no luck budging him at all.

“I'm trying to  _ prevent _ a brawl here,” Hawke turned his head slightly behind to look at her.

The drunk clearly wasn't keeping up with the turn of events, “Come on sweet thing, let me show you how a real man can make you feel, start a real fire of our own.”

Kallian started pulling at Hawke's robes, trying again to get Hawke to move, but he realized that would just cause the very disaster he was trying to avoid so he stayed in place. “You're nothing but a coward, you couldn't compare to a real man. You better move, Hawke, or I'm setting you on fire too,” she warned.

Thankfully at that moment Aveline and another guard showed up with Nora and grabbed the drunk by the back of his collar while the other guard grabbed a hold of the other one that Fenris had thrown earlier. “I think you've both had enough for the night,” she said, pulling them out of the bar. “Hawke, Fenris,” she nodded to them as she left.

By now Anders and Varric had also joined them on the floor, ready to jump in as needed. Hawke turned around to look at the elf, seeing now that part of her robe had been torn, probably by the charming men the Captain of the Guard had dragged out. He reached a hand out to touch her arm, meaning to steady her. “Are you alright? He didn't hurt you?” his voice full of concern and worry.

“No, I'm not fine. I didn't need you jumping in. Why didn't you let me take care of him? A little flame here, scratching out of his eyes there and it would have been done!” she glared up at him.

“Which is exactly what I was trying to prevent. See, now everyone can go back to drinking and the bar is still  _ not _ on fire.” he tried to explain, frustration growing in his voice.

“I didn't ask for your help. Next time just butt out,” Kallian pushed at him and he stepped back. She began storming away back towards Varric's room.

“Whatever you say, Your Highness,” he snapped back.

Kallian stopped dead in her tracks and turned back, looking at him as if he'd just slapped her. Her shoulders slumped for a moment, and he thought that perhaps she was about to cry. Then just as quickly she straightened back up and stormed off up the stairs, towards the guest rooms.

“Great job, Hawke,” Isabela glared at him as she pushed past him to follow where the Hero had gone to.

Hawke looked at Fenris to figure out what had just happened, but Fenris just shrugged in response being just as lost. Varric just shook his head and turned back into his room while Anders stared at Hawke. Hawke followed Varric, trying to work out what had just taken place or why he even thought working with this woman was a good idea in the first place as he was starting to question her mental stability.

“You said just about the worst thing you could have, Hawke.” Anders spoke once they were back in Varric's room. Anders ran his hand across his face. “I know you didn't mean it, but it was really bad.”

“Me?” Hawke looked at him incensed. “Why am I the bad guy here? I'm the one that stopped the fight.”

“Alistair was going to make her his Queen.” Anders replied in a soft voice as his eyes looked in the direction of the tavern's guest rooms.

“Oh,” Hawke whispered, sinking down hard onto the bench. He'd heard the tales, everyone had. The bastard prince and a mage elf fighting their way across Ferelden to save all of Thedas. How they'd fallen in love, and how in the end the prince had sacrificed himself to end the blight. It was all a beautiful, romantic tale that women would sigh at and imagine finding such a love. No one gave any thought to the messy parts at the end. No one ever thought of the broken half of that duo left down the hall. “Maker, I'm an ass.” Hawke sighed, his head in his hand.

Anders shook his head and gave Hawke a pat on his shoulder. “You didn't mean it, Garrett. I'll talk to her.”


	2. Planning

Anders knocked once before entering her room. Isabela was sitting on the bed, arm around the crying Hero, offering words of comfort. When the pirate saw Anders enter she kissed the elf on her forehead and then left the room. Anders took the spot vacated by Isabela on the bed and Kallian wrapped her arms around him, burying her head into his chest. Anders wrapped his arms around her and squeezed, resting his cheek on the top of her head before pulling back. She pulled away as well and looked up at him, returning the half smile he gave her.

“For what it's worth, Hawke feels like a heel. He didn't mean it, Rana.” Anders wiped away the wetness from her cheek with a handkerchief.

She sighed and nodded. “Fine, no setting your friends aflame,” she pouted, teasing him. Anders moved up to the top of the bed so that he was leaning against the headboard, and she followed, putting her back to his chest and pulling his arms around her midsection.

He leaned his head against hers just letting her settle. Once he could feel her mana calm he spoke again, “So I'm guessing earlier had very little to do with the drunk?”

Kallian sighed, it was nice having a friend so close that they knew you so well. It was also a pain in the ass, since nothing ever got by him. She ran her fingertips over one of his hands thinking about how to answer. Sitting here with him felt like the old days. As much as the Circle sucked, and it really was horrible, he had made it suck less. She had come to the circle too young to remember her own family anymore, but in Anders she had found a kindred spirit, and they quickly became the family neither one had, a bond that not even long periods of time apart ever diminished. She knew him enough to know he wouldn't let this just drop.

“I miss Alistair. That guy down there kept talking about me needing 'a real man' and all I could think was I had one, and that if he was here he would have punched that idiot out before he'd had a chance to rip my robe. And then your friend showed up, and he did just what Alistair would have done, and it just sort of hit on the fact that he's not here all the more.” she shrugged. “I guess I just yelled at your friend because I couldn't yell at Alistair. I know it's stupid, I just met him, but I don't like him.”

She could feel Anders snort behind her and she tilted her head back to look at him. “I don't think that's really what's going on when it comes to Hawke, but I'll leave you to figure that out, Rana.”

She gave him a confused look, but said nothing at his comment, instead she just played with his hands while she leaned against him.

“So, where's Zevran?” Anders asked her. “I thought he was supposed to be your bodyguard or something.”

“He's in Antiva, said he had to take care of something with the Crows and that it was better for me to stay away from it.” she shrugged, “And I suspect the whole bodyguard things has to do with something Alistair probably talked him into. I don't mind, he's good company on the road.”

She sat up, looking back at Anders, “Will you stay? I really don't feel like being alone.”

“Oh, I don't know, I was really looking forward to sleeping in a worn out cot in a cold clinic.” he teased her.

“Prat,” she playfully elbowed him and moved behind the changing curtain to change into a sleep shirt. When she came back out, Anders was already under the covers. She blew out the candle, and crawled into the bed, her back pressed against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her as they fell asleep.

***

_ Kallian and Zevran ran into the room in time to see a Darkspawn catch fire and collapse. Zevran moved in front of Kallian to protect her, his daggers drawn as the mage who had killed the Darkspawn turned around. _

“ _ Er...I didn't do it.” the man said, holding up his hands seeing the assassin with blades drawn. _

_ Kallian reached over with a shaky hand, tugging on Zevran's arm to lower his blades, which he obliged, but still kept a close eye on the mage. “A..Anders?” she said, her voice cracking. _

“ _ Rana?” he was just as shocked, a moment later catching her as she wrapped her arms around him and squeezed. _

“ _ Maker, Anders, I thought you were dead.” she started crying. Anders looked up to see the other elf take a more relaxed stance as he sheathed his blades, having decided the mage wasn't a threat. “I looked for you at the Circle, and when I couldn't find you I thought for sure...” she couldn't finish her sentence, as grateful sobs wracked her body. _

“ _ Shh, little sister, I'm ok, see. One piece, not even a scratch.” Anders took her arms and stepped back so she could see he was, in fact ok. “I ran away before all the excitement, I'm fine, ok?” he took her hand and held it over his heart so she could see it was ok. _

“ _ Solona didn't make it.” she shook her head. _

“ _ Dammit!”, Anders sighed and he pulled her close again and kissed her forehead. He looked up to see the other elf had moved towards the door to give them some privacy. “That your boyfriend?” he raised an eyebrow, trying to tease her. _

_ Kallian shook her head, new tears flowing. “He... I had...” she started to cry again and said something he couldn't make sense of, burying herself back into his chest.. _

_ Anders looked to the other man, hoping he could provide some help. Zevran pushed off from the wall and walked closer, making a dramatic bow. “Zevran Arainai, formerly of the Antivan Crows, bodyguard now to the Hero of Ferelden.” _

“ _ The Hero? She's here?” Anders asked, looking towards the door to catch a glance. Zevran gestured towards the woman in Anders' arms. “Oh!” the realization of what that meant hit him. He'd heard the stories. Even on the run he couldn't help but hear them, and now he realized why she was crying. “Oh, Rana. Sweetheart, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.”Anders rubbed reassuring circles along her back while he held her, feeling his heart break for his friend. _

_ *** _

Fenris entered Varric's room to find only Kallian in there hunched over a map of the Bone Mine and surrounding area. She had a papers by her with notes scribbled on them as well.

She nodded at him when he entered and gave him a friendly smile. “Planning our attack?” he asked to which she nodded again. He walked beside her looking at the map. “My reports say that the dragon is nesting here,” she pointed to a valley beside the mine entrance. “I'm trying to figure out how we can enter without her seeing us too soon.” She handed him the papers in her hands. “These are the notes I have on this area.”

He looked at the papers and frowned, knowing it was not even worth it to look. He put them down on the table and stepped back.

“Fenris?” she questioned him, noting his change in stance.

Even though he'd only known the elf in front of him for less than twenty-four hours, he'd found that he trusted her. She felt familiar somehow. He couldn't remember anything from his past, but maybe his subconscious made a connection he couldn't. It wasn't a sexual attraction, that much he knew, but he found somehow that just in the short time the two had talked last night that he was more relaxed around her than any of the others, including Isabela whom he had occasionally shared a bed with. He found it odd, especially given that she was a mage. That in itself would usually set off his warning bells, but there was something about her that instead made him feel calm and safe.

Fenris looked around, wanting to be sure no one else was around. He didn't want any of his companions to know his secret shame. Feeling assured that no one else could hear him he finally spoke. “Slaves were not permitted to read. I have never learned.” he looked down again, sure she would laugh at him.

“Oh.” was all she replied and stepped closer to him. He looked up as she reached for his hand. “I'm not sure how long I'm going to be here, but if you want, I could show you a little while I am. Our secret.”

Fenris looked at her small hand in his, she watched his face and he nodded, unable to find words that wouldn't make him sound stupid, embarrassed.

“Good. You're not a slave anymore Fenris, it's time you learned.” she squeezed his hand once and then stepped back to the map. A few moments later Anders and Hawke appeared, and she pretended as if nothing had occurred before they had joined them. Fenris watched as they talked over the plan, each of them looking over the notes, discussing strategy. She never gave away any hint of what he had said at all, and he found that he was grateful that his trust so far had not been misplaced.

“There is an entrance here, behind the nest. If we were to enter the mines and work our way here, we might be able to get close before she could see us.” Hawke pointed to an unmarked area of the map.

“How did you know that?” Kallian asked looking at her notes and flipping through them.

“I'm part owner of the mines,” Hawke shrugged in response.

“I told you he'd be helpful,” Anders winked at her as she huffed and put down her notes and looked at Hawke.

“You're owner of this mine and you just let this High Dragon nest there?” she asked him.

“It's not like it was on the official inventory list. 'Five minecarts, twenty pick axes, One High Dragon.'” Hawke replied.

“Maker,” her lips looked like the were about to quirk into a smile but then she shook her head, and sounded annoyed.  “Must everything be a joke to you?”

“That's what I'm here for, funny one liners. Oh, and killing stuff.” Hawke smirked at her.

“I need a drink,” she grumbled and walked off towards the bar.

“Quite the way you have there with the ladies, Hawke,” Varric teased him as he entered the room, passing by Kallian. Hawke shrugged and looked up from the map to see an amused look on Anders face.

“What?” he, stood up and crossed his arms while looking at the healer.

“Oh, nothing.” Anders replied, but his expression didn't change.

***

Fenris sat in front of the fireplace checking and cleaning his armor when he heard the front door open. He grabbed his sword and shot upright ready to fight. Danarius had finally come for him, and Fenris would not be taken. He readied his sword for the fight as he heard the man's footsteps on the stairs, the door handle to the room jiggled, but it was locked.

“Fenris?” a voice called from the other side. Fenris let out a breath of relief and put his sword against the wall. Danarius' voice was not that high or feminine.

He opened the door and nodded to the elf on the other side. “I thought maybe you'd like to start your lessons? Or at least a little company?” she said

He stepped to the side to let her enter, “I would find either enjoyable,” he motioned to the table, and she carried over the papers she had in her arms and sat down.

“How did you find my home?” he asked, worried that perhaps others besides his companions knew where to find him.

“Bela told me,” she answered and then seeing his concern, quickly followed up with, “I didn't tell her why, I kept my promise.” he relaxed at her reassurance. “She was worried about me coming here, though.”

“Why?” he asked.  Did the others think him the same rabid animal that Anders often referred to him as.

“Apparently you really really don't like mages, I think she was worried about you being angry having me here.” she shrugged. “I mean, I get it, with Tevinter and all, I wouldn't blame you.”

“You do not annoy me like the Abomination. I enjoy Hawke's company as well.” he said sitting beside her.

“Ok before we start your lesson,” she sighed, “I need you to stop calling Anders that around me. You don't have to like him, you don't have to even be nice to him, I know he's just as bad about pushing your buttons. But he's the closest thing I have to family Fenris, so I can't just let you call him that and ignore it.”

Fenris looked at his hands on the table. He had no idea if he had a family, and if he did, he had no memory of them, but he tried to think what it might feel like if he did. In some ways Hawke had become like a brother to him, how would he feel if someone called Hawke a vicious name all the time. He quickly realized he'd probably consider ripping the offender's heart out. He turned his head to look at the elf beside him and nodded. “That is acceptable. Thank you, Kallian.”

She gave him a warm smile, “Thank you Fenris, I know that isn't easy for you, but one more favor. If we're going to be friends, call me Kalli.”

“Kalli, then,” he returned her smile.

“So you don't think I'm scary? I guess I need to work on that,” she made a playful growl at him and raised her hands up like a bear.

Fenris chuckled, “Still needs work.”

“So much for my reputation,” she replied with an over-exaggerated a sigh. “Promise not to tell? I need to keep up appearances and all.” Fenris nodded as he picked up the quill she handed him.


	3. Dragons, Rumors and Templars

Kallian stood on the head of the fallen High Dragon as the others caught their breath, Anders supplying healing and rejuvenation to them all. She reached down slicing off the top scales as instructed in her notes and placed them in her pouch. Fenris reached up and offered a hand to help her climb down.

“Thanks, Fen,” she smiled at him as she reached the ground.

“How come he's 'Fen' and I'm 'Hey idiot?'” Hawke asked Anders as the mage healed his arm. Anders only reply was a knowing smile, which frustrated Hawke all the more.

As they walked back towards town Hawke jogged up ahead to where Kallian was walking while in a conversation with Varric.

“What was that, Blondie?” Varric asked, pretending to hear the mage say something as he moved back to where Anders was walking when he noticed Hawke join them.

“So, that was pretty impressive casting back there,” Hawke grinned. “All that fire, you were like a little dragon.” he winced hearing what he just said. What was wrong with him that he became unable to make any sense around her.

He relaxed a little when he heard her giggle in response. “Thanks,” she replied giving him a small grin, something she'd never once bestowed upon him before.  It made his heart skip a beat that he’d finally earned one of those elusive smiles.  It gave him courage to try for another.

“So, what are the scales for? New armor, some crazy recipe for muffins?” Hawke asked her.

“Warden secret,” she answered, touching her finger to her nose.

“What would I have to do to get you to spill?” he asked, lowering his voice, trying to flirt.

“Join the Wardens.” she answered humorlessly, moving away from him to talk to Anders.

“Hey, you're getting better, buddy. You managed to go almost ten minutes before you annoyed her this time.” Varric chuckled, rejoining Hawke while they passed through the gates of Kirkwall.  Hawke gave the dwarf a nod while trying to figure out in his head where he messed up.  He was usually so good when it came to flirting with women, it was never this much work before.

***

A week later, Hawke sat in front of the fire in his room reading through a book of spells, one of the few items of his father's they had managed to save when they fled the Blight. Or at least reading was his intention when he sat, but instead his mind kept wandering, and not aimlessly. No, his mind had its target well set on a certain blonde elf. The more Hawke tried to stop himself from thinking of her, the more determined his mind seemed to be to focus on her. She was frustrating and somewhat rude and clearly couldn't stand him for some reason he couldn't figure out. And what was with Anders constant annoying grins that he made whenever she stormed off?

His mind then brought up images of how she looked in battle, how her hair would move as if a light breeze was near. Her fingertips would alight, and she would practically glow. Not the scary, cracking glow of Anders when Justice appeared, but it was as if Andraste herself were blessing her. She was a beauty on the battlefield, and Hawke could almost imagine what she must have been like during the Blight, a force to be reckoned with, he was sure.

Oh, and her smile, one she almost never bestowed upon him. But he'd seen it just the same, the loving one she'd give Anders, the affectionate one Fenris had somehow earned. He could just stare at that smile all day. Which made him think of her lips, how soft they looked, just meant for kissing. What would it feel like to touch her cheek, tilt her head and press a soft kiss to those lips.  _ Wait, where did that thought come from? I want to kiss her? _ Hawke shook his head, trying again to concentrate on the book before him.

He heard a laugh downstairs and he thought about how she'd laugh when Anders would tease her. Hawke had gotten her to laugh last week when they'd returned from the Bone Pits and it was a wonderful sound, one he wanted to hear again. Another laugh traveled from below and he realized that it was, in fact, her laughter he was hearing.

He sat up and brushed off his robes, and took a look in the mirror straightening his hair. He dropped his hands suddenly.  _ What in the Maker am I doing? _ , he thought to himself, and shook his body to set himself right.

He wasn't sure what he was expecting to see when he headed to the stairs, but the sight before him was definitely not it. She was kneeling on the ground hugging Bodhan and laughing while Sandal was jumping up and down beside them clapping and yelling out “Enchantment” over and over. Fenris was leaning against the wall with an amused look watching the scene before him.

As he started walking down the stairs, Kallian released Bodhan and scooped Sandal into a hug.

“Oh Mistress Kallian it is so good to see you.” Bodhan happily announced. “My boy and I talk of you often.”

“If I had known you were here, I would have come by sooner,” she touched the man's shoulder. “Look Sandal, it's still just as perfect as when you made it.” she showed the dwarf one of her necklaces causing Sandal to clap in excitement.

“Well, I guess introductions aren't in order,” Hawke commented reaching the bottom of the stairs.

“Oh Master Hawke,” Bodhan grinned. “I didn't know you knew the Hero.”

Kallian stood up, brushing an affectionate hand along Sandal's head. “I traveled with Bodahn and Sandal during the Blight. I wondered where they got off too. I'm happy to see they found a good place to land.”

“They did now? Well Bodhan, it seems you've had a much more interesting life than you let on,” Hawke winked to the dwarf. “So what brings you two here?” He turned his attentions two Fenris and Kallian.

“I received a message from the Knight-Captain requesting a meeting. I asked Fenris along since I don't know what to expect, could be them attempting to get me in the Circle. Fenris said you had dealings with him before, and so here we are. Are you free?” she asked as Bodhan ushered Sandal off into the kitchen.

“For you, anytime,” Hawke answered.  _ Bloody hell, what was that? I am not, I repeat NOT attracted to her _ , Hawke scolded himself. He heard what sounded suspiciously like a chuckle coming from the direction of Fenris.

They all looked up as they heard Leandra's voice, turning to see her descend the stairs. “Garrett, a quick word before you leave. And who is your friend?”

Garrett nodded, “Mother, let me introduce Kallian Surana.”

Leandra's eyes light up in recognition, “The Hero, a pleasure,” she took Kallian's hand giving it a small squeeze before dropping it.

“Just Kallian, if you please, Lady Hawke. I really hate that title.” Kallian requested.

“If you two will just excuse me for a moment, I need to borrow my son.” She said reaching for Hawke's arm while Kallian joined Fenris along the wall.

Leandra walked Garret near the door to the library, apparently unaware of how easily their voices carried to where Fenris and Kallian stood. “Garrett, your constant insistence on taking these jobs on make it quite difficult to set up invitations to parties. Mothers don't want their daughters involved with someone that is known for street battles. And now you are falling in with...” she lowered her voice to a whisper, “elves. I mean really Garrett. Don't you  _ want _ me to be happy knowing you've settled down with a nice girl?”

Kallian tilted her head to look at Fenris. “Are we not supposed to know we're elves?” she whispered to him, earning her a snort and an amused half grin from Fenris.

“Mother, I told you I will go to the dinner you asked me to tomorrow. I will be my most charming and polite to your friends. I will dance with their daughter. But please, do not insult my friends again. Besides, I would think you'd overlook your prejudices given she's the Hero of Ferelden.” Garrett eyed his mother.

“She seduced the rightful heir of Ferelden away from the throne is what she did. And I wouldn't be surprised if she had something to do with his death too.” Leandra shook her head. “I want better than that for you. You're my only child now, and I want to know you'll be taken care of after I'm gone.”

Fenris looked at Kallian knowing she could hear every word that Leandra had just said, despite the whispers. Kallian was looking at the ground, she pushed away from the wall and walked out the front door without saying a word. Fenris turned and made eye contact with Hawke before following her out.

“I don’t think you’d like to know what some of the rumors are about you, running off with an apostate, Mother.  Maybe you should put less stock in the gossip and more into a person’s actions.” Hawke replied to his mother.

A moment later Hawke walked out of his estate and looked around. He spotted the two of them in a hidden alcove. Kallian appeared to be wiping something from her eye as Fenris reached out and touched her arm and then pulled it away a second later. That gesture, no matter how brief, warmed Hawke to her all the more. He adored Fenris like a brother, but the man was so guarded because of his past, so closed off, to see that she had broken through enough for his friend to offer some type of comfort, even if it was a touch on the arm for only a quick moment, was huge.

“Little dragon,” Hawke said when he was closer “I'm sorry, don't listen to her. Nobody thinks that, she's just angry at me because I haven't liked any of the noble women she's introduced me to. That wasn't about you at all, please don't listen to anything she said. I know none of that is true, Fenris does too, right?”

“Correct,” Fenris nodded still looking at Kallian.

She wiped away at her eyes with her hand and gave Hawke a small smile. “Thanks.” she replied sadly.

“Come on, let's go see what Cullen wants.” he stepped back to let her pass.

“Cullen?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yes, Cullen Rutherford, the Knight-Captain.” Hawke nodded.

Her face lit up. “Oh, this day just improved big time.” she replied as they began walking towards the docks.

“I take it you know our Knight-Captain then?” Fenris questioned.

“He was a Templar at Kinloch Hold. Anders and Sole and I would....” she stopped mid sentence and mid stride and looked up at Hawke. “Someone referred to your house as the Amell estate, why is that?”

Hawke quirked an eyebrow thrown by her sudden change in conversation. “Amell is my mother's family.”

“Any relation to Solona Amell?”

“She was a distant cousin I believe,” he nodded. “You knew her?”

Kallian nodded, “She was one of my closest friends. Along with Anders the three of us were pretty much always together.”

“Yet another thread pulling you into my path then?” Hawke tried not wincing.  _ Seriously, what is wrong with you! _

Kallian gave him an odd look, that same one he always found difficult to read. She said nothing but continued walking beside Fenris while Hawke took a moment to gather himself and then catch up.

As they sat on the boat carrying them across to the Gallows, Hawke noticed her playing with the clear charm on her necklace.

“I heard you say Sandal made that for you?” he asked her, hoping for a chance to maybe break the barrier she seemed to wear around him, to get to know her a little.

She looked up and blinked, as if she had been lost in thought. “Huh? Oh, yes.” she held it out and turned towards him so he could get a better look on it around her neck. What he had thought was a few rose petals turned out to be a full rose, somehow shrunk down, and then preserved in the resin.

“It's beautiful. Does it have any special meaning?” he asked her, regretting the question instantly when her face fell slightly.

“It was from Alistair. He said he found it in Ostagar. That it reminded him of me, something beautiful amidst all the death surrounding everything. Sandal preserved it for me and Bodhan put it on a chain.” She explained.

Hawke ran his thumb along the charm again and wished he could have thought up something that smooth to say to a girl. “He was a very lucky man.” he commented softly, placing the charm down along her chest.

She looked at him with a tear running down her face, and Hawke reached up to brush it away with his thumb. “I was the lucky one,” she sighed, and looked off to the approaching docks of the Gallows.

They walked through the Gallows courtyard and spotted Knight-Captain Cullen in his usual spot. The Knight-Commander was next to him, talking. They both turned seeing the trio approach.

“Guards, she's an apostate, take her in,” Meredith glared at her as Fenris moved slightly in front of her, ready to defend her.

“I hate to be the bearer of bad news, Knight-Commander,” Kallian began looking sorrowful, “Oh, that's not true, I love it. I'm the Warden-Commander and practically a National Treasure in Ferelden, so you'll do no such thing.” Kallian grinned innocently at Meredith from behind Fenris, knowing she'd just effectively shut down the Knight-Commander.

The woman grunted, and looked at Cullen who nodded in affirmation that she was who she claimed to be. “Watch your step, mage, or even your pretty titles won't save you.” she growled and then walked back up the stairs.

“I think she want's to kiss me,” Kallian put her finger on her lips and looked over at Cullen.

“Maker, save me. Do you have to antagonize her?” Cullen pinched his nose and closed his eyes.

“It's fun. So did you ask me here for a reason or did you just miss me?” she rocked on her feet and batted her eyes at Cullen.

“Yes. Wait no,” he sighed. “I most decidedly do  _ not _ miss the trouble that always seems to follow you, Serrah Surana.”

“Ah-ah-ah, it's Kalli, remember.” she touched the tip of his nose with her finger as she corrected him. Hawke watched the whole interaction amused, seeing the normally stoic Knight-Captain becoming flustered.

Cullen blushed slightly as he batted her finger away, “And I see your choice in company hasn't improved any over the years,” he looked over to Hawke and Fenris. “Ser Emeric could use some help with investigation he is doing. The Knight-Commander has agreed to let him continue provided he does not use any other Templar resources.”

“Oh Cullen, of course we'll help. You know I'd do anything for you,” she leaned up and kissed his cheek, letting out a giggle when the man blushed violently.

“Just, go do whatever it is... go” he waved them off, wiping at his cheek.

The group turned to return to the docks. “So, you and the Knight-Captain old friends then?” Hawke asked Kallian with an amused grin.

“Oh that. No, teasing him was a hobby of mine at the Circle.” she shrugged.

“How do I get to be a hobby?” Hawke asked with an amused grin.

Kallian observed him for a moment with that look she always gave him. She abruptly turned away after a long moment, “You don't” she answered.

Before she had turned, Hawke had noticed her lips quirk and a blush running up her cheeks. Maybe she wasn't as adverse to the idea as she had been letting on, he pondered, his steps feeling lighter with that realization.


	4. Swimming

Kallian sat on her bed, sitting behind her, Anders brushed her hair. Kallian loved the relaxing feeling of someone else brushing her hair.  At the Circle, Solona would do it sometimes, and during the Blight, Alistair loved to, and sometimes Morrigan or Leliana would as well.  It just felt so calming.  “Are you ever going to grow this out again?” he asked her.

She shrugged, “It's easier to take care of on the road.”

“And less like to catch on fire?” he asked.

“I only did that once. And I was eight. And I seem to recall it was because  _ you _ scared me.” she playfully hit at his leg behind her.

Anders chuckled, “Yeah, but it was worth it to see that Templar panic. Watching him grab the drink out of the hand of the Grand Enchanter and throw it at your head was priceless.” he started laughing harder.

“That was not funny,” she said, laughing despite her complaint.

Isabela knocked once and walked in, “Hey Kittens, what's so funny?”

“Anders bringing up my childhood trauma,” Kallian laughed again while pushing at him as he playfully clung to her.

“When you two are done playing, we're all going to the Wounded Coast for a swim. Grab a towel and meet everyone downstairs in five minutes if you want to go.” Isabela winked and left again.

“I don't have any other plans. You?” Kallian asked Anders.

“Things have been pretty quiet at the clinic, and I've missed having you around, so absolutely.” Anders stood up offering his hand to help her up. She grabbed the two towels the tavern had given her at check in and handed him one.

They walked down to the main room and found Fenris, Isabela, Hawke, Merrill and Varric waiting. “Is this everyone?” Anders asked.

Isabela nodded, “Aveline's a stick in the mud, and Sebastian said it would be a sin to skinny dip, which is a shame, cause I'd love a peek under those Chantry robes.”

“Bela!” Kallian feigned shock, “He's a Brother.”

“That just makes him a challenge, and you know how I love a challenge,” she laughed throwing her arm around Kallian's shoulder as they walked out the front door.

***

They sat on the ground under a tree along the coast eating the lunch Isabela had packed for everyone. Bread and cheese, fruit, some dried meats, wine and some dessert that Fenris was currently looking at suspiciously.

“What is it?” he looked at it suspiciously.

“Fen, you've never had chocolate?” Kallian asked “Oh, you are in for a treat.”

She held out a piece to his mouth. He looked at her with a raised eyebrow. “Just trust me Fen,” she winked. He sighed and took a bite, he chewed giving away nothing withi his expression at first. Then his mouth slowly turning to a grin. “I told you,” she chuckled.

“I'd love some chocolate,” Hawke said, having watched the whole exchange.

“Here,” Kallian placed a piece in his hand and sat down next to Isabela. Hawke looked at the chocolate in his hand and frowned as Anders chuckled quietly beside him.

They packed up the lunch and Merrill looked around nervously. “Are we really skinny dipping?” she asked Kallian.

“Bela was teasing Merrill, we're keeping our small clothes on. It'll be fun, come on,” Kallian answered pulling her robe up over her head.

It had barely hit the ground before she found herself scooped up by Anders who was already running towards the water, “Let's see if the water's cold, little sister.” he laughed as she playfully yelled for him to put her down. Anders raced until he was over waist deep in the water before saying, “As you wish” and dropped her.

Kallian stood up sputtering, the water just over her breasts and splashed water at Anders as Isabela, Fenris and Merrill joined them. They laughed, splashing in the water, even getting Fenris to join in the merriment after a moment.

A short while later, Varric sat on the shore, seeming more interested in writing than swimming. Anders was showing Merrill how to swim on her back, and Fenris and Isabela had wandered off together. Kallian waded in the water several feet away, her toes not reaching the bottom. She was enjoying the feel of the water around her, the weightlessness relaxing her.

She jumped when she felt someone touch her arm and started to sink, having lost her concentration in wading. Strong hands along her waist gently pulled her back up. “I've got you, little dragon.” Hawke said quietly behind her. “I didn't mean to scare you.” his hands remained on her waist as she turned to face him.

Kallian reached up, placing her hands on his arms. She looked over his naked chest, thinking how different he looked from Alistair. Hawke had hair along the top of his chest, where as Alistair had been completely smooth on his chest. The hair on his chest glistened from the water, and she found herself having to fight the desire to run her fingers through it. She looked up to see him watching her with a heated look in his eyes and her throat felt dry. Hawke gently pulled her a little closer, and she could feel the brush of his stomach against hers sending a shiver running through her. One of his hands moved from her side to the small of her back and brushed his thumb along her spine. She was locked on his eyes, the sounds of everyone else seemed to have faded away.

“Hi,” he said in a low voice that sent another chill through her.

“Hi,” she gulped. She could feel the heat coming off of him, her fingers around his arm tightening slightly.  He was so close that she could feel his breath hitting her skin.  It would only be a matter of pulling herself up, a simple thing given her floating in the water.  Just a small movement and she could press her lips to his.  Would his kisses be soft like Alistair’s had been, or would he be more forceful, taking control of the kiss?  Every time his thumb brushed her back she had to fight the urge to pull closer to him.  Kallian licked her lips, unable to unlock her eyes from his, feeling suddenly short of breath.

In the distance Merrill let out a delighted squeal at something and it pulled Kallian back to the fact that there were others around. She quickly pushed away from Hawke and blinked a few times while looking at him for a moment before turning and swimming away. He couldn't help the small grin on his face as he watched her move away. He'd felt her shiver and knew that he'd affected her, that she had felt something between them.

They walked back to Kirkwall, Anders throwing a towel over Kallian's head and rubbing it. “Stop it,” she laughed pushing him away.

“What, I'm helping you dry that mop on your head.” he chuckled as she pulled off the towel.

He put an arm around her and leaned in, speaking quietly so only she could hear. “So, Hawke?” he raised an eyebrow.

“I don't know what you're talking about.” her face dropped the smile she had been wearing.

“You're a horrible liar,” Anders poked her ribs.

She batted at his hand, “I don't like him. So knock it off already or you're sleeping in that cold clinic tonight.”

Anders held his hands up, “Ok, ok, no need to get so drastic. Consider it dropped.” He took her hand in his and gave it a squeeze. Kallian sighed as she squeezed his hand back, she'd never been able to stay mad at him for long.

“See you all tomorrow night for cards?” Hawke asked as he and Fenris turned to walk towards Hightown.

“Absolutely,” Varric nodded and the rest of them moved towards Lowtown.

*** 

Merrill bounced excitedly next to Kallian as they walked towards Merrill’s house.  Merrill had been asking her to come visit for some time now and was excited that she finally was.  As they walked past a few vendor stalls, one male elf grabbed Kallian’s arm and growled at her, “Su an’banal i’ma, shem lover.”

Kallian ripped her arm away from him, feeling her heart clench, and walked quickly towards Merrill’s house.  Merrill followed, unsure of why the man had just said that to her friend. Once they were in Merrill’s house Kallian let out a shuttering breath.

“Kalli?” Merrill asked moving in front of her.  “Oh, oh.”  She wasn’t sure what to do, Kallian was taking deep breaths, trying to will back tears that were forming in her eyes.

“It’s ok, Merrill,” she replied clearly lying to them both.

“They don’t even know you, why would they say that to you?  Is it because you like Hawke?” Merrill asked her friend.

“I don’t like Hawke,” Kallian shook her head.

Merrill cocked her head and looked at her friend.  “I know everyone thinks I’m not smart, but I can tell how you two look at each other.  Hawke hasn’t been interested in any other women since you arrived.  I know, Da’len.”

Kallian shook her head not wanting to have this argument.  “You really don’t know why they hate me?  You have no idea who I am?”

“You’re Anders friend,” Merrill answered unsure what Kallian could mean.

Kallian gave Merrill a half smile.  It was nice.  Having someone that didn’t know, or  _ think _ they knew her past, that didn’t come to her with preconceptions of who they thought she should be.

“Come, we’ll have some tea and you can tell me.” Merrill said.

Kallian sat and after several minutes Merrill brought over two broken cups and poured tea into them.

“You haven’t heard the story of the Blight? Of the Hero of Ferelden?” Kallian asked her.

Merrill shook her head, “No, the Hero sounds fascinating.  Do you know him?”

Kallian chuckled, “I’m him.  I mean her.” and laughed again when Merrill’s eyes grew wider.  “Long story short, humans hate me because they think I led the future King of Ferelden to his death, and the elves hate me because I loved him.  He, Alistair, he died to end the blight and everyone hates me for it.” She looked down at her tea, the air suddenly feeling heavy.

“How can they hate you for falling in love?” Merrill asked, touching Kallian’s hand.  “You found love during a Blight, that should be celebrated.  Now I understand why you seem so sad, to have lost a love.”

“Thanks Merrill,” Kallian sighed.  The elf was sweet, if a little naive about the realities of the world, but Kallian found she liked her company just the same.

Merrill played with her own fingers, trying to figure out how to cheer her up. “Do you know what an Eluvian is?” she asked Kallian.  Kallian shook her head, so Merrill grabbed her friend’s hand and pulled her into her bedroom.  

Kallian’s eyes grew wide as she looked at the large mirror in front of her.  It looked old, very old.  “It’s a mirror?”

“It’s more than that, our people used to use them to travel through long distances.  I found this one, but it’s broken.” Merrill explained.

“It’s beautiful,” Kallian smiled looking up at it.  It was huge, easily a foot taller than even Anders. Kallian brushed her fingers along the side of it.  “Thanks for showing me, Merrill.”

Merrill grinned, happy to pull Kallian’s mind out of her sorrow.


	5. Breaking Through

Hawke entered Varric's room to find Varric writing furiously, while Sebastian and Kallian seemed to be in a friendly debate about the morality of her setting the Knight-Commander's skirt on fire – just hypothetically, Kallian kept adding. Across from them Anders and Isabela were trying once again to explain the rules of Wicked Grace to Merrill.

Hawke turned feeling a hand slap him on the shoulder. “A little over dressed for a card game, Hawke?” Fenris chuckled as he walked by, handing a drink to Kallian and sitting on the other side of her.

“Ugh, this was another one of Mother's attempts to set me up.” he gestured at the formal attire he was wearing. A tight pair of breeches and a gray, flowing shirt, a far cry from his usual red robes.

“Didn't go so well?” Varric asked as Hawke took his regular seat closest to Varric, and next to Isabela.

“This one was worse than the last. She couldn't stop talking about her cat. Maybe I should hook her up with you, Anders.” he looked down the table to his friend.

Anders held his hands up, “No way I want your cast offs Hawke. I'll just find my own trouble thank you,” he chuckled while Varric dealt out the cards.

Hawke discarded two cards, picked up the replacements and frowned as they weren't any better. “So, tell us about this cat lady,” Varric asked as Isabela drew one card.

Merrill stared at her cards with an odd expression before Anders took pity on her. “Throw out those two.” he pointed to two in her hand. He passed, and Sebastian contemplated his move as usual.

“A Comtesse,” Hawke said in a mocking tone. He watched across the table as Sebastian discarded three. Kallian seemed to be pondering her cards, reordering them in her hand. “A complete bore. At least she was pretty enough I guess, and a nice figure, gave me something to look at while she prattled on about her cat.” Kallian made a frown across the table, looking at him and then quickly back to her hands as she passed on her turn. Hawke wondered if it was because of her cards or what he had just said. He rubbed the back of his neck and tried not to think about it.

“You're too tense, Hawke,” Isabela purred, pressed alongside him on the bench, while running her fingers through the back of his hair.

“And I suppose you have some suggestions to deal with that,” Hawke chuckled in response, used to her flirtations and thinking little of it.

“I have some oils just in from Antiva, why not come back to my room and I'll treat you to a massage.” Isabela offered, pressing closer.

“Steal that line from Zevran, did you?” Kallian snapped from across the table. Hawke looked up, and was surprised to see she actually looked hurt.

“What?” Isabela asked her confused.

“Know what, never mind,” the elf gulped down the rest of her drink, slamming it onto the table and tossed her cards into the discard pile before getting up and leaving the room.

Hawke chased after her into the hallway, cornering her near the back rooms. He was certain she'd been jealous, and not for the first time.

“You want to kiss me, admit it,” he smirked.

“No, I don't even like you,” she replied, refusing to look at him.

“You and I both know that's not true, little dragon.” he lowered his voice, stepping closer.

“It is, there's nothing I want less than... than to kiss you,” she continued looking down.  He didn't miss her stumbling on her words.

Garrett moved closer still, her back was now against the wall, but she refused to look anywhere but the ground. “Why won't you just say it? There's no one else here, they're all in Varric's room. Just say it, 'Garrett, I want you to kiss me'.”

“No,” she insisted, but made no attempt to move around him. “If I did, that would mean...”

“It would mean what?” he asked quietly, moving his head down to try to catch her eyes. He reached his hand out and tilted her face up so he could see it. Hawke expected to see anger, or, if he was really lucky, affection in her eyes when she looked up. What he didn't expect, was the tears that were brimming in them. “Kallian?”

“If I let myself like you, it would mean that I can’t keep pretending that Alistair didn’t really die on that roof.” her tears finally breaking free. “It would mean that he's never coming back for me.”

Hawke pulled her into his arms as she broke down, the small elf clinging to his shirt as she let out muffled sobs against his chest.  His heart felt heavy, he wanted nothing more than to take away her heartache at that moment.

“What did you do? Can you not go five minutes without making her cry?” Anders growled behind Hawke, ripping the man away from Kallian, and pulling her into his arms while giving Hawke a dirty look.

Hawke stumbled to explain, “No, Anders, it wasn't... I was just trying to...”

“I don't want to hear it Hawke, just leave her alone already,” Anders grumbled, leading the crying elf to her room and away from him.

Hawke reentered Varric's room and sank down into the chair she had been occupying.

“Well that couldn't have gone very well, if you're already back here,” Varric shook his head. “Come on Hawke, you need to try harder, give me  _ something _ to work with here so I don't have to make up the story on my own.”

Hawke shook his head, “It went downhill very quickly, and then Anders showed up and pulled her away before I could make it better.”

***

Anders poured Kallian a glass of water and handed it to her, and then kneeled on the floor to face her as she sat on the bed.

“So what happened?” he asked brushing back hair from her face.

Kallian looked up with tears still flowing. “He asked me if I wanted him to kiss me.”

“And that made you cry?” Anders asked quirking his eyebrow. “Rana, I think it's fairly obvious to everyone you do, no matter how much you keep growling at him.”

She shook her head. “No, it wasn't that. It's just, if I did, then it means that I'm letting Alistair....” she gulped and tried to fight off the sobs that were threatening to break through again.

“It means you have to actually let him go, is that it?” Anders knew what she was trying to say and she confirmed it with a nod, taking another sip of water when he pushed her hands up to motion for her to do so.

Anders sighed and sat on the bed next to her. “I know you may not want to hear it, but I think it's time. It’s been nearly four years.  You deserve to be happy, and Hawke's a good man. He's my best friend, after you of course.” He wrapped his arms around her and she leaned into his side as Anders ran a comforting hand along her arm. “I owe him an apology, I just saw you crying and went into 'protective brother' mode on instinct.”

“I don't mind.” she shrugged. “I like knowing you're always there for me. You're like Zevran, but without the daggers.”

Anders kissed the top of her head, giving her another sideways squeeze. “Alright, let's just call it a night since I'm guessing you're not ready to go back down there.”

She nodded, and went to prepare for sleep.

***

Kallian opened her eyes and blinked at the harsh light of the morning cracking in through the window. She looked over to the empty side of the bed and saw that Anders had already left for the clinic. She sighed and wondered if there'd ever be a time she wasn't crying herself to sleep, as she sat up and rubbed the sleep from her eyes.

She pondered how many of Anders friends thought they were having sex when he'd stay over instead of just falling asleep together like they used to do in the tower and Vigils Keep. She wondered if the thought of her and Anders together bothered Hawke and then frowned deciding she didn't care what he thought. She was  _ not _ going to think about him, she decided. In fact she was so embarrassed about her break down the night before, that she thought it would probably be best to just avoid him for a few days. There wasn't really anything keeping her here in Kirkwall exactly, but Zevran was still in Antiva, his last note indicating things were taking longer than planned, and it  _ was _ nice to spend some time with Anders. She hadn't really realized just how much she missed him until she had walked into his clinic a month ago.

She undressed and walked into the washroom. Becoming friends with Varric had the advantage of him talking the inn keeper into giving her a room with its own bath at the same price as her smaller room. Between what Zevran would send and the money Queen Anora had given to her as a reward she could afford another month of rent. After that, hopefully Zevran would be back so they could move on, or she'd have to figure out something else. Maybe Fenris would let her take one of the empty rooms in his mansion?

Once the water filled the tub she reached down and heated it with her magic until she could see steam rising. Kallian stepped into the tub and let out an audible sigh, letting the hot water ease away all the tension she had been feeling. She closed her eyes and just concentrated on the feeling of letting every muscle relax. It had been a trick that Zevran had taught her those first terrible days after Alistair's death. At first she thought it was yet another of his attempts to get her into his bed, but he had assured her that he didn't even have to touch her, and sat several feet away in her room as he talked her through it the first time. The slow, even breathing, the learning to pay attention to every part of her body and feeling the tension then feeling it release. When she had to go through event after event as the newly proclaimed “Hero”, it was only through the meditation that Zevran taught her that she managed to do it all without killing anyone. Especially Teyrn Alex Cousland who had the nerve to flirt with her less than a week after she had seen her lover die.

Finally feeling fully relaxed, and some of the embarrassment from the night before gone, she exited the tub and toweled herself off, wrapping herself in a fluffy white cotton robe Isabela had talked her into splurging on during one of their trips through the Hightown market. Maker bless, Isabela, she thought as she wrapped herself in the robe. It wasn't the type of robe a mage would wear, instead almost like the style a noble would wear when retiring for the evening, only fluffier and so very soft against her skin, as if she was wrapped in a cloud.

Kallian sat on the bed and began to brush her hair. It had grown a little longer since her arrival to Kirkwall, and she contemplated cutting it again. Alistair had loved her hair long, he'd often play with it, even as they were walking he'd run his fingers through it, and even though she'd feign annoyance, she actually loved when he'd do that. After he died, she hacked it off, deciding she never wanted to feel any one ever running their fingers through it again. She looked at herself in the mirror and wondered if maybe what Anders had said to her last night was right. Maybe it was time to start living her life again.

A knock at the door pulled her from her thoughts. She looked at the door and frowned, afraid to open it. She knew who was on the other side, she could feel the aura of his magic, and the embarrassment over breaking down last night bubbled up again. Another knock and she realized he could feel her aura too and knew that she was inside.  _ Best get this over with _ , she thought.

She opened the door and her breath caught as she looked at him. It was Hawke, as she knew it would be, but in his hand he held a mishmash of flowers, clearly plucked from a garden instead of from a vendor. Somehow that made it more endearing, knowing he had picked them himself. For her.

He looked nervous as he watched her, “Hopefully dragons like flowers?” he asked as he handed them to her.

“They do, I mean I do,” she breathed them in and gave him a small smile.  She suddenly felt so nervous.

He let out a sigh. “Good, then it's worth the hell I'll catch later when my mother sees what I did to her garden.”

She gave him another smile and he felt his heart beat again, he'd been so scared she was going to slam the door in his face even though Anders had come by that morning to apologize and had reassured him that wouldn't be the case.  And now he’d already managed to earn two smiles from her, which helped him to relax.

“I feel honored indeed that you would risk the ire of Leandra Hawke,” she teased. He grinned, and then looking down, noticed for the first time she was in a bathing robe, and probably little else. Hawke took a deep breath to steady himself at that thought.

“I was hoping I could talk with you? For just a moment?” she nodded and stepped aside to let him in. Once he entered she closed the door behind him and put her flowers in a mug of water that was by her bed.

“I'm sorry about...” she started to say at the same time as he said “I wanted to apologize...”

They both stopped and gave each other another shy grin. “You go first,” she replied walking over to prop herself against the table of her vanity, suddenly very much aware of the bed in the room and that she was woefully under dressed, but somehow stepping behind the shade to change seemed even more intimate than standing before him in a robe and she couldn't bring herself to do it.

Hawke nodded. “I wanted to apologize for how I acted last night, I pushed too hard. I wasn't thinking about what it might be like for you, or even if you felt anything for me. I was too forceful and brash and I'm sorry.”

“Oh Garrett, you don't...”

His breath caught for a moment, she had never used his first name before. “Please, let me just …” he moved just a little closer and reached for her hand which she gave to him.

“Trying to keep me from burning you?” she teased.

“Or hitting me, either way,” he shrugged. “Ok, hopefully I'm not overstepping here, and I'm sorry if I am. I know I didn't know Alistair, and I'm not trying to speak for him, but I think, no I know that he loved you and he wouldn't want you mourning for him for the rest of your life, locking yourself away from everyone else. He'd want you to be happy, and to find joy. He'd want you to remember him, of course, and to miss him even, but I don't think he'd want you to be alone.”

He looked up, waiting for the slap he was sure was coming. For her to tell him he had some nerve telling her what Alistair would want. She was just looking at him, that same damn unreadable expression again, looking over her face while she chewed on those plump, kissable lips. He wondered how long he should wait before realizing she wanted him to leave.

She opened her mouth to say something, then closed it again and looked like she was contemplating what to say. Her eyes locked with his and she let out a sigh. “I want... Garrett, I want you to kiss me.”

He watched her for just a moment trying to figure out if she really said what he thought he heard. She stood there, leaning against her vanity waiting just watching him, and he snapped. A second later Garrett had his hand on her cheek pressing his lips to her. He'd pounced so quick that the table scraped along the floor an inch. He placed the hand not holding her head on the table beside her to steady himself while her hands grabbed his robe pulling him closer. He ran his tongue along her mouth and she opened for him, allowing him to deepen the kiss. She let out a moan that he swallowed as he moved close enough for her to feel his desire pressing into her stomach.

Kallian began pulling at the ties and buttons on his robe, revealing his chest to her, which she greedily ran her hands along, feeling the hair on his chest, as her lips left his to wander down to his body.

“Kalli” he moaned, earning him a bite on the neck from her, one he was sure would leave a mark. His hands moved to her sides, finding the tie among her robe he pulled it loose and slid his hand in, another moan falling from his lips at finding she had nothing on underneath.

Kallian pushed his robe down over his shoulders and he let go of her long enough to let them fall completely off him, to the ground, and she did the same with hers. She moved back just a fraction to look at him in nothing but his small clothes and let out a purr that sent a ripple of desire through him. Before he could react she leapt at him, her arms wrapping around his neck as she pressed her lips to him, wrapping her legs around his hips. He caught her and held onto her ass to keep her from falling as he turned to carry her to the bed. The fingers of one hand dug into his hair while the other gripped his back.

He gently lowered her to the bed and she reached up to pull him towards her, he looked her over, this beautiful woman, grabbing for him, looking at him with so much desire, it took his breath away. “Kalli, are you sure?”

“I want you, Garrett. Please,” she pulled him down into another kiss and he lost any restraint he had.

His hands ran down her sides, one slid back up to cup one of her breasts, her nipples already achingly hard. Garrett lowered his mouth, taking in the other breast, his tongue teasing the nipple, and she arched in response, pulling at his hair. “Oh Garrett, Maker don't stop,” she cried out.

He had no intention of ever stopping, his heart raced, and he could feel himself getting harder with every moan that fell from her lips, every time she cried out his name.  He decided to make it his mission to hear the sound of his name on her lips as many times as he could. He kissed his way back up her chest to her neck and then her ear. His other hand slid down her stomach, and he moaned when he reached her slit, “Oh Kalli, you're so wet.” he moved his index finger gathering up her wetness and found her clit. He began to press circles, alternating between light and hard touches

Kallian cried out his name as her fingers dug into his shoulder. It had been so long since anyone had touched her the way he was and she was quickly unraveling in his hands. He was so much larger than her, and somehow having his body pressed above her, feeling the heat of him, it made her feel safe, and worshiped. She could feel that familiar tug at her abdomen, something she hadn't felt in so so long. Her fingernails dug into his back, into his arms, anywhere should could find purchases as she writhed under him. “Oh Garrett, please, Garrett,” she cried out lifting her hips. She wasn’t sure what she was asking him for, but would take what he would give. His pressure on her clit was relentless as he pressed rough kisses along her neck and back down to her breast again.  His free hand kneaded one while his tongue teased her nipple of the other back to hardness again. One finger, quickly joined by another pressed into her while he continued the circles on her clit with his thumb, alternating between hard presses and soft, pushing her closer and closer to that climax. She could feel that pull towards the edge, it was growing stronger, the tidal wave in her abdomen pulling, pulling.

“Come for me my beautiful dragon,” he quietly growled in her ear and she screamed as she toppled over the edge clawing at him as she orgasmed. Tears formed at her eyes as she cried out over and over again, the sound of his name shooting straight to his cock.  It felt so good, she arched into him as she moaned.  He didn’t stop his fingers from moving in and out until she collapsed on the bed, deliciously spent.

She looked at him with dazed eyes as she tried to catch her breath, pulling his face down to hers to kiss him again. She reached her hand down, searching for him and he hissed when she found him, her hand working its way under his smallclothes, her fingers wrapping around his cock, slowly moving.

Garrett kissed along her jaw and her cheeks as she pumped him. “Please, Garrett, I want... I need to feel you inside me. Please, make love to me.”

He nodded, knowing that there was nothing he'd ever be able to deny her, he sat up and removed the last of his clothing and boots before covering her with his body again. She felt him press against her entrance and she wrapped her legs around him, trying to pull him in. Slowly he sunk in and they both moaned together once he was seated in her.

He stopped once fully inside and pressed his nose to the juncture of her neck, relishing the feeling of her warm sheath surrounding him. She felt so perfect, so warm and like she was just for him. She whined beneath him and he chuckled and started moving and it was just so mind blowingly amazing, feeling her pulling on him as he was buried in her. She was just so wet, and warm and tight and he knew he was not going to last long.

“Oh Kalli, Kalli, Maker, you feel so fucking good Kalli,” he grunted as he pumped in and out of her, feeling every glorious inch. Her nails dug into his back and he knew there would be marks there and along his neck where she had already bitten him several times and he didn't care. Let her mark him, he would happily be claimed by her, he wanted to be hers and no one else's. Let all of Kirkwall know that he belonged to her, the most beautiful woman in all of Thedas, as far as he was concerned. Not one single noble that his mother paraded around him compared to the amazing woman he was currently buried in. She was the only one he wanted. Just her.

Kallian's legs tightened holding him in place as she scratched her nails into his back again. Her second orgasm hitting her hard. She screamed, just his name this time, long and loud as he began pounding into her at an intense speed. As she came down he slammed into her once more and held her tight to him as it was his turn to call out her name.

A moment later he all but collapsed on her, pretending to pass out as she laughed and tried pushing him off. Garrett kissed her cheek before rolling off of her, pulling her along with him to rest at his side. They stared into the others eyes, each running fingers along the face of the other. He noticed a love bite on her shoulder and touched it, running his thumb along it.

“Anders is going to kill me when he finds out,” he sighed.

She laughed, “I'll protect you from the big scary healer.” She leaned her head up and kissed him again. “Spend today with me?” she asked him.

“There's no one else I'd rather be with,” he replied, pulling her close to him again and placing another kiss on the lips that were softer than he had ever dreamed they would be.


	6. The Circle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More NSFW at the beginning

Kallian held one of Hawke's hands with both of hers as they walked out into the hallway. He closed the door to her room and bent down to give her another kiss.

“It's about time,” Isabela purred from down the hall.

Kallian blushed and buried her face in Hawke's arm. He looked at her with an affectionate smile. “Maybe a little decorum, Bela?” he asked, turning towards the pirate.

“Too late for that, sweet thing. I think half the Hanged-Man heard you two.” She shook her head.

“Oh, Maker,” Kallian mumbled as she chuckled into his chest.

He kissed the top of her head, “Well I guess we don't have to worry about telling them all I guess.” he whispered to her. She let out a small sigh and then looked up at him and chuckled again, her hands still clinging to his. He gave one of her hands an affectionate squeeze, and ran his thumb along it.

“If you two are done making googly eyes at each other, Anders is in Varric's room looking for you, Kallie.” Isabela said.

“It just got worse,” she hid her face again.

“He showed up after the fireworks, Kitten. Although you may want to get down there before Varric fills him in.” Isabela reassured them.

“Come on, I'm with you,” Hawke shook her hand reassuringly. She nodded and they walked down the stairs.

Kallian entered Varric's room, with Hawke right behind her, his hand on the small of her back so she knew he was there. Anders was sitting at the table talking to Varric, a paper in his hand. Varric looked up seeing them enter and gave a small chuckle. Kallian felt herself blush again as Anders turned to look over at them.

“Hey, you two aren't fighting, that's great,” he beamed at them.

“Oh, they're _definitely_ not fighting,” Isabela answered as she moved into the room around them.

Anders raised an eyebrow looking at Hawke and Kallian for a moment. He noticed the way Kallian looked back to Hawke and he let out a small laugh at how nervous they both looked. “Well then, it's about damn time. Watching you two dancing around each other was getting tiring.”

Kallian let out a relieved sigh as Hawke took her hand again, giving it another reassuring squeeze.

“Isabela said you were looking for me?” Kallian asked.

“Yes,” he nodded, “And now at least I know why Varric insisted we send Isabela up.” Anders held out the piece of paper to her and she moved over to sit next to him to take it. “I got this today from Nathaniel. And it looks like you got something from Hawke.” His hand moved to one of the love bites on her shoulder, and she felt him heal it as she read the note.

Kallian read through it quickly. “There's a Wyvern hunt going on near Orlais, this is perfect. He's coming to join me.”

“Wait, you're leaving? You can't leave now Kallie. You just... we just,” Hawke looked up seeing everyone watching them. “What about your promise to help Cullen?”

“Can you all give us a minute?” she asked. Varric mumbled something about being kicked out of his own room while Anders pulled Isabela out by her arm.

“Garrett,” she looked at him.

“How can you be talking about leaving? Did this morning mean nothing to you? It meant something to me, Kalli.” Hawke searched her eyes.

“Of course it did, Garrett, how could you ask me that?” she walked closer to him.

“Because you're talking about leaving,” he took her hand.

“But I'll come back. I have to go, I need to catch a Wyvern.” she tried to explain.

“And I need you. Can't you just not go?” he pleaded.

“Garrett, I need you to just trust me that I have my reasons. I can't tell you why,”, Kallian touched his cheek with her hand.

“Warden secrets?” he asked and she nodded. “How long will you be gone? ”

“Wyvern hunting isn't known for being easy.” she bit her lip, “one, maybe two months at the absolute most.”

Hawke sighed, sitting down. “How long do I have you before you have to leave?”

“Nathaniel will be here in two days. I promise, I'll come back to you. Please Garrett, say you understand.” she looked in his eyes, praying she hadn't just lost him.

He nodded, pulling her into his lap. He tilted her head down kissing her softly. “Stay with me the next two days and I'll help you with Cullen's job.” She nodded kissing him again.  

His hand moved along her leg, holding her close to him as her tongue ran along his lips and then into his mouth.  Her arms wrapped around behind his neck.  Hawke’s hand moved from her leg up to cup her breast and she moaned into his mouth.  Hawke gave it another squeeze before pulling back to look at her.

“Varric will kill me if we do this in his room.” his hand moved in between her legs despite his warning.  He rubbed at her through her clothes.  Kallian pressed her mouth to his neck trying to cover her moans as Hawke continued to rub his finger along the juncture of her legs.  He could feel the heat pooling there, her hands gripping his hair as she moved her hips in time to his fingers moving along her.  “I bet you are wet for me, aren’t you?” he whispered in her ear and she nodded.  “The others are just in the other room, you have to be quiet.  Can you do that? Do you want me to touch you?”

Kallian nodded again, her nails digging into his scalp, and Hawke slid his hand up her robe and found that she was indeed wet.  That she desired him was still something amazing to him, but he was quickly becoming confident in just how to please her.  He pressed two fingers inside her while his hand on her waist squeezed her.  Kallian pressed her mouth to his neck and moaned as he fucked her with his fingers.  “Shh, don’t make them come in here.” He warned.  “I just had you twice, and Maker I want you again.” he whispered in her ear.  “When we get to my house tonight, I’m going to strip you, and touch you, taste you everywhere.  Maker Kalli, I want to bury myself in you right now, you feel so hot.  What would you do if I just fucked you right now, knowing they’re all in the other room, that they could walk in here any minute and find me inside you?”  She gripped at him tighter, and he knew she was thinking of it.  He wasn’t just saying pretty words, it was taking all the restraint he had not to undo his laces and pull her on top of him.  It had barely been an hour and he already wanted to feel her heat around him again.  How was he ever going to get through a month without her when he couldn’t even get through an hour without touching her again?

“Are you thinking about what if felt like to have my mouth on you?  Do you remember the feel of my tongue driving you to your climax?  I want to taste you again.” Her breathing became heavy on his neck, she was letting out small noises, clearly trying to hold back moans as her hips moved with his hand.  “Come for me my beautiful dragon.  I want to feel you fall apart in my hands.  Come for me before they come back, and later I promise I will take you.  So hard you won’t be able to walk.” he promised her, feeling her pulse and grip onto his fingers buried in her.  “That’s a good girl, come for me.” he bit on her ear and pressed his lips to hers as she shook in his arms.  She let out a quiet squeak as she climaxed, and he kissed her harder in response.  When she was done he produced a handkerchief and wiped his hand off.  She gave him a blushing smile as he kissed her again.  He had no idea what he ever did to deserve a goddess like her to desire him, to allow him to touch her, kiss her, worship her, but he thanked the Maker for his dumb luck.

When they left the room and joined the rest of the party, no one seemed the wiser to what they had been up to, although Hawke continued to take every opportunity to whisper dirty things in her ear.  

She would grip his forearm in response nearly every time until she finally just gave up pretending he had no effect.  “We’ll meet in an hour to head to the Gallows.  I need some alone time.” she announced, grabbing Hawke’s hands and walking him back up to her room while the others fell into laughter.

***

Hawke, Kallian, Fenris and Anders entered the Gallows looking for Ser Emeric. Hawke recognized him, having helped him years past when looking for a missing woman.

“The circle of magi here is much different than those in Tevinter. Are you certain it's wise for you to be here?” Fenris said looking at Anders.

“I'll be inconspicuous. Wouldn't want to worry the Templars, Maker forbid.” Anders complained back. “It's not as if they're not already in control here.”

“Power corrupts, and mages have enough power already. The moment they are free, mages will make themselves magisters.” Fenris responded.

“They're slaves! You should want to help them.” Anders gestured around him.

“I don't. You act as if this is a prison, but I see no oppression here. Is the Circle really so bad an option? They are kept safe, and others safe from them.” Fenris looked around.

“If you think the Circle is so safe ask Kalli her experience. Might change your mind,” Anders glared at him before walking up to where Hawke and Kallian were already speaking with the Templar.

“I believe I finally have a suspect, a man named Gascard DuPuis.” Emeric was explaining.

“And he's hiding? You need us to find him?” Kallian asked.

“No, I know where DuPuis is, but I cannot touch him. When I became convinced of his guilt, I went to the city guard. They raided his mansion but found nothing and I was forced to apologize, but I know he is behind these disappearances.” Emeric explained. “The Knight-Captain suggested you might be able to uncover more.”

Something felt off, her intuition was telling her she was in danger, but she couldn’t see anything to confirm that.  Kallian looked at the ground, and then over across the courtyard to where Cullen was speaking with another Templar whose back was to them.  Ser Emeric sounded paranoid, but she doubted Cullen would have sent her if he thought it was a waste of time.  Even though he was a Templar, she doubted Cullen would set her up for something life threatening.  Even though they never spoke of it, she had saved him in the Circle during the Blight.  From what she remembered of Cullen, he was nothing if not honorable, he would feel he owed her, even if she didn’t think he did.  Still, she couldn’t shake the feeling that she was in danger and they should leave soon.

She looked back to the others. “You willing to check this out with me?”

“Well I'm certainly not letting you go alone, if that's what you're asking,” Anders replied.

“I already told you I would help,” Hawke took her hand.

Kalli looked at Fenris, “My sword is yours,” he tilted his head.

She looked back to the Templar. “Very well, Ser Emeric, we will help you. Give us a day to plan, and we will find you your evidence.”

Emeric let out a sigh of relief. “Thank you, Serrah. It has been so difficult to get anyone to believe me, it is most appreciated.”

“Thank me after we find something,” she nodded to him, then turning to leave with the others. She wrapped her arms around herself as she looked around again.

Anders put an arm around her waist and pulled her closer as they walked away. “You ok, Rana?” He said quietly.

“I just have a creepy feeling. I mean I know it's the Circle, so already creepy. But it is more, I don't know,” she shrugged wondering if she was just being foolish. “Thanks” she sighed leaning into the hug.

***

Kallian entered the dilapidated mansion and looked around the room. A warm fire crackled and popped in the fireplace, it was the only sign of indulgence, everything else seemed to be cold, and poor. Fenris had made this room his living space. A mattress was along one wall with only a blanket and a pillow on it for his bed, probably dragged here from another room. She frowned thinking how he still had so much of the slave in him that he couldn't even allow himself to use an actual bed. The rest of the furniture was just as sparse, a few chairs near the fire, and then the table that they conducted their reading lessons.

Kallian turned, hearing a noise behind her and smiled seeing Fenris enter carrying a bottle of wine. “I see I have company,” he nodded to her, uncorking the wine.

“I hope you don't mind,” she suddenly worried that maybe she was intruding in his domain.

“You are welcome anytime, my friend.” he reassured her. “What do I owe the pleasure? I would have thought you'd be with Hawke,” he motioned for her to sit in one of the chairs.

“Thanks,” Kallian let out a breath of relief, “He's busy helping his mother. Seems _someone_ tore her flower garden apart. Since I was near, I thought I'd see if you were around. Maybe plan for this mission. We could use a rogue to pick the locks and look out for traps.”

Fenris nodded and handed her the bottle. “I can speak to Sebastian, perhaps he can be of assistance. Drink, you look like you could use it.” he motioned to the bottle.

She took a swig and handed it back. “Thanks, I guess I needed that.”

“Are you alright?” Fenris took back the bottle when she offered it. “I would think you would be more relaxed, happy even, now that you are with Hawke.”

Kallian nodded, “That... well that is new, and a little scary, but exciting and terrifying, but good. Yes, good,” she grinned. “It was just earlier today. Fen, you are always watching, always aware of what's going on, so I'm sure you understand. Sometimes you just get this, I don't know, feeling maybe, that something is off. I felt like we were being watched earlier, in the Gallows, but when I looked around, no one seemed to be paying much attention to us, not even Cullen.”

Fenris took a drink and nodded. “Sooner or later Danarius will come for me. I can't afford for him to catch me off guard. I have learned to trust that feeling you are talking about, it has kept me alive so far.” He had learned to trust his instincts, that nagging voice in the back of his head when it would appear. It was that same voice that had told him he could trust Kallian and Hawke even though they were mages, and it had been right about that. “I would think just being in the Circle was what would have worried you. Anders indicated your experiences were not very good.”

Kallian snorted, “That's putting it very mildly. What did he tell you?” she didn't think Anders would betray her by telling everyone her past, but she worried just the same.

“He said nothing, just that if I knew your story I might feel differently on my opinions of the Circle. I did not mean to pry,” he handed her the rest of the bottle.

“No, no, it's ok Fen.” she replied, joining him on the floor where he had been sitting. “When we were swimming, you saw Anders’ back?”

Fenris nodded. He'd noticed the tell tale markings from whip lashes. He had none, his master not wanting to damage Fenris' body, but he'd seen enough other slaves whipped to know what they looked like. Anders back had scars upon scars of them, probably from years of beatings.

“I was brought to the Circle when I was 6. Anders was already there a month at that point. Apparently I was the first person he actually spoke to, I guess the Senior Enchanter had thought he was mute up until then,” Kallian shrugged. “I was nineteen when I left for the Grey Wardens, that means I was there for thirteen years. Do you have any idea, Fen, how rare it is for any female mage to be in the Circle that long and _not_ be raped? The Templars didn't care, we were non-people to them. And if you were female, it was worse. An elf made it even more so, somehow you were exotic.”

Fenris cringed, he knew part of the reason Danarius and his friends would ogle him was not just for the markings, but because of him being an elf. It was a big part of him keeping anyone from getting too close. He hated when people would look at him with interest when they walked through Kirkwall, and he had quickly learned the right placed snarl would keep them away.

“I made it because of Anders. He never left my side if at all possible when we were in the Circle, and when he'd escape, he always seemed to have someone already lined up to watch over me. Those whip marks on his back, a few are punishment for his escapes, but most are from every time he'd pull a Templar off of me. The worst of them was a man named Laurant. Because of him Anders spent a year in solitary and I would have been made Tranquil if not for the Grey Warden, Duncan, who happened to be passing by. Not all of the Templars were bad, but even the good ones turned a blind eye to what was happening. No one cares about what really happens to the mages except other mages.  Everyone else treats us like we’re not even people.” she sighed.

Fenris looked at her for a moment, contemplating. “A while back, we had encountered a Templar threatening a mage with Tranquility. He seemed to imply certain favors should she become so. Justice attacked, I see now it is because Anders was thinking of you.”

Kallian nodded. “If Laurant had succeeded, he would have done whatever he wanted to me, and I wouldn't have even known enough to resist. Do you have any idea what that would be like?”

Fenris sighed.  It was something he normally would never admit to another.  He never wanted his friends to know what he did with Danarius, they would think him tainted and dirty he was sure.  But the elf beside him, she knew what it was like, and he doubted she would judge him. “I do.” He answered.

“I think you and I are very much alike Fen. I was like you are now, seeing danger all around, even when there is none.” Kallian threw back the rest of the drink, “Alistair had been trained to be a Templar, but he left for the Wardens before he finished. I could still tell he was one when we first met. I practically set the poor man on fire the first time he tried to flirt with me because I was so terrified.” she smirked. “It took him a long time to show me he could be trusted. And after him, well I only trusted Anders, and my friend Zev. Until I came here at least.”

“You trust Hawke,” Fenris nodded and leaned his head against the wall. He hadn't considered until her story how similar their pasts actually were. He knew the fear she described. He knew what it was like to not feel like you could ever be safe. He still felt that often.

“I trust you, too, Fen.” She touched his gauntlet. “You're my friend, I trust you.” she gave him a smile. “I don't make friends easy, but you're one.”

She wrapped her arms around her legs and rested her cheek on her knees, still looking at him. “I dunno, maybe it's strange. Somehow I feel a connection, like you get me more than the rest, and I don't think it's because you're an elf. I feel like you get my pain more than others. That probably sounds stupid, doesn't it?”

Fenris shook his head and gave her a half smile, “It does not. I return the sentiment. I find you a kindred spirit as well.”


	7. Growing Closer

Kallian leaned her head against Garrett's arm as he called the hand. He and Sebastian stared at each other intently and put their cards down. Sebastian chuckled and pulled the coins to him. “The orphans' fund thanks you all,” the Chantry brother nodded.

“I think that's a night folks,” Varric yawned from his chair as the others started to rise.

Kallian walked to Anders and pressed a key in his hand. “It's paid through the end of the week, it'd be a shame for it to go to waste.”

Anders took it from her with a nod and gave her a hug, “See you for lunch?”

“Definitely,” she answered as he walked off towards her room.

Sebastian, Fenris, Hawke and Kallian bid Isabela and Varric goodnight and started a walk towards Hightown.

“A Wyvern hunt sounds exciting,” Fenris said to Kallian.

“Only if I don't get eaten by the Wyvern,” she chuckled.

“Yes, that could put a damper on the fun,” Fenris nodded.

“I was on a Wyvern hunt once, in my youth in Starkhaven,” Sebastian nodded to her. “You are in for a treat, my lady.”

“I just hope it goes quickly,” Hawke commented, squeezing her hand.

Hawke and she waved goodnight as Fenris and Sebastian headed off towards the Chantry and mansion. Hawke held Kallian's hand as they walked to the Amell Estate. Outside the door she froze, nearly making him fall down she had stopped too abruptly.

“What's wrong, little dragon?” he asked her.

“It's your mother. She made it pretty clear how she feels about me and Fen. I don't think she's going to be very welcoming to have me staying in her house.” She bit her lip, “Maybe this was a bad idea, maybe I should just go back to the inn.”

Hawke turned to her and lifted her hand to his face placing a kiss there. “First off, this is my home too, purchased with the money  _ I _ earned in the Deep Roads. And second at the end of the day she just wants me to be happy, and you are what makes me happy.”

She fidgeted still looking unsure but nodded, following him into the estate. He led her upstairs to his room pulling her into his arms as soon as the door closed behind him, his lips meeting hers. He pressed firm, passionate kisses to her lips until he finally felt her relax in his arms.

When he moved away slightly he grinned, her lips were red and well kissed, and she was looking more dazed than worried. “Come, on,” he motioned for her to sit with him by the fire. He sat on the floor with his back along the seat of the chair, and pulled her to sit between his legs, her back to his chest. He wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his head against hers. “Better?”

She nodded.

Hawke rubbed the back of one of her hands with his thumb. “There's so much I want to know about you, only two days doesn't leave me a lot of time.”

Kallian turned and kissed his cheek. “I'll be back, so there's plenty of time.” She turned her body slightly to be able to look at him better. “What do you want to know? As long as it's not a Warden secret, I'll answer.”

Hawke thought for a moment, looking her over. His eyes landed on her charms again. He knew about the Rose, so he picked up the locket with his fingers. “Tell me about this.”

Kallian frowned slightly. She was worried talking too much about the past would ruin things with Hawke. “It was Alistair's. He didn't know his mother, just that she was a serving girl at the castle. This was all he had of hers. I took it off him after he died, it's probably silly, a broken locket from a woman I don't even know.”

Hawke squeezed her hand. “It's not stupid, it meant something to him, so of course it would mean something to you. He was important to you, it makes sense you'd want to keep it.”

She looked up at him and nodded. She had worried he'd feel threatened by the memory of Alistair, but instead he seemed genuinely interested in him, and not in the 'Legend Worship' way most people were, but simply because he had meant something to her.

“Why don't you tell me something about him?” Hawke said brushing her hair back from her face.

“What do you want to know?” she asked surprised that he really wanted to know. It had been so long since anyone had wanted to talk about him. Zevran knew Alistair, so except for the occasional comment or story, they didn't really talk about him much, which made her miss him all the more.

“Tell me something only you know, something all the stories and legends don't say.” He answered.

She thought for a moment, there was so much. Pretty much everything people said in the stories was wrong except for him being Maric's bastard and the two of them being in love. “He was terrified of pigs.”

“Pigs?” Hawke asked, “Why pigs?”

“When he was a boy, the former Arlessa of Redcliff told him that because he was Maric's bastard that if they were in Orlais he would have been diced up and fed to the pigs as slop. After that, he wouldn't go near them.” she sighed.

“Maker, what a horrible thing to say to a child.” Garrett said shocked. He'd always assumed that even as a King's bastard, Alistair would have still been treated well.

Kallian shrugged, “She was a vile shrew that tormented him his whole childhood. I was all too happy to see her die.” When Isolde had offered to sacrifice herself to save Connor, Kallian had been happy to oblige the woman who had caused Alistair so much grief. It had been the only thing ever to come between her and Alistair, although he did eventually forgive her.

“Ok, tell me something else, maybe less depressing.”

Kallian chuckled, “Ok, he loved cheese. I mean really loved it, the way Isabela loves rum kind of way. To the point when we'd all be in a city trying to track down information on the Blight, he'd drag us way out of the way to get to a cheese shop and make us all try them. It was an obsession.” she rolled her eyes and laughed.

Hawke buried his nose in her hair and smiled, he loved the sound of her laughter. He had the feeling laughing was something she didn't do often, and it made the sound all the more precious to him. He knew it was way too soon, but he had the strong feeling he was already falling in love, and Hawke quite frankly, had no desire to fight it.

***

Kallian awoke and immediately pulled a pillow over her eyes, wishing the sun would just go away. She heard a chuckle and then the pillow was removed from her face. Hawke was standing beside the bed, and tossed the pillow to the side. “Good morning beautiful.” he bent down and gave her a soft kiss which she sighed into. “Time to get up for breakfast.”

“You're already up?” she looked up at him in his sleep pants and a shirt.

Hawke nodded, “I wanted to be sure Bodhan knew we had an extra for breakfast, and Mother was up already so we had a talk, she's looking forward to seeing you.”

Kallian rolled her eyes, “I'm sure.”

Hawked chuckled again, pulling gently on her arms to get her out of bed. “She is, I promise. Get dressed and we'll go down together.”

Kallian threw back the covers and stretched. Hawke watched her, her hair tousled from sleep, she looked adorable. She was wearing his shirt, and it just barely covered her bottom half. He sat down on the bed feeling his excitement grow watching her. As she started to pass he grabbed her arm, and pulled her into his lap so she was straddling him.

“I thought you wanted me to get dressed and out of bed,” she quirked an eyebrow at him.

“That's before I saw you in my shirt,” Hawke said, his fingers drawing slow circles on her legs as they climbed up under the shirt.

“I thought your mother was waiting for us downstairs,” she moaned as Hawke began nibbling on her ear. She squirmed closer to him, feeling his arousal now pressing against her.

“Can you be quiet? Because I need you now,” he whispered into her ear, as he pressed a finger onto her already throbbing clit. She let out a quiet moan while her hands fell down to pull at the ties of his pants.

Hawke lifted his hips enough to shift his pants below the knee. Once he was seated back on the bed Kallian took him in her hand and ran her fingers up and down his shaft. He let out a small moan, biting her shoulder, just below the neck. Kallian lifted up and a moment later he was seated inside her. “Oh Kalli” he moaned, pulling her closer.

She pushed on his shoulders and Hawke laid back, his knees bent over the edge of the bed. His hands went to her hips and she began to lift off and then he would pull her back down hard. They picked up a rhythm and he watched her bounce above him in his shirt, her head falling back, her eyes closed as she pleasured herself on him.

“Gar...garr...oh Garrett,” Kallian whispered, and he could feel her already fluttering around him. He knew he wasn't going to last long, which was probably best given everyone else was waiting for them. He grabbed her hips and flipped them, so he was now on top, still seated inside her.

Kallian wrapped her legs around his hips and her arms around his neck and pulled him down for a kiss. They kissed, sloppy, passion fueled kisses while he picked up his pace, knowing they were both looking for a quick release, different than their slow love making the night before when they had explored each other's bodies with hands and mouths. This was more an animalistic need to claim their mate, to feel a release.

“Maker Kalli, you drive me crazy. You feel so fucking good,” Hawke said quietly into her ear, earning him a squeeze of her legs, pulling him in deeper as she bit into his chest to keep from crying out. He could feel her squeezing him inside, her nails dug into his back, her legs tightened. Every bit of her was trying to pull him inside deeper. He couldn't hold out any more and felt himself fall over as well, biting back the scream on his lips, Hawke closed his eyes as he filled her. His woman, his beloved, his. Once again he bit back those words in his head, knowing it was too soon to say such things, knowing it would frighten her off.

He pulled away from her as she sat melted into the bed breathing hard. “Maker, even quick you're amazing,” she said breathlessly at him.

He grinned at her as his hand ran down her side and settled on her waist. His hand moved to rub along her stomach and he imagined, just for a moment, what it would look like if it was full with his child. Hawke sighed, he knew these thoughts, these feelings were coming too soon. That this was most likely a reaction to missing his own family, and to the pressure from his Mother to marry and have children. But it still felt real, these feelings bubbling up inside felt real. But he also knew if he were to say any of these, especially with her leaving tomorrow, that it would break this new relationship that had quickly become so precious to him. He bit his tongue and instead just imagined what it would be like to hear those same words echoed back to him in her voice.


	8. Remember Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tissues -- at least I needed them....

Kallian entered the clinic. Anders appeared to be checking the health of a pregnant woman. He looked up seeing her enter and gave her a smile before returning to his patient. Several others appeared to be waiting to see the healer as well, so she took the lunch Orana had given her for them and walked over to the table. She sat on the bench and just closed her eyes. She could feel Anders magic and it was incredibly calming to her, familiar. His mana meant safety, security and even during the fights in Amaranthine, she was able to remain in control as Commander by how the feel of Anders magic soothed her.

She must have fallen asleep without realizing it as it had only seen a moment later when Anders was gently nudging her awake. She looked around to see the clinic was empty. “I thought we were having lunch, not a nap?” he teased.

Kallian handed him one of the packages of bread and cheese she had with her, and opened another with some dried meat in it. “Sorry, I guess I just was relaxed. It's nice seeing you heal.”

He nodded and gave her a small grin as they ate their lunch. “So, Rana, don't set me on fire for asking, but Hawke.”

“That wasn't actually a question, you know?” she watched him from her seat.

Anders put his food down on the paper wrapper and nodded. “You are my family, you know that. But he is my best friend. Is he just a distraction, something to pass your time here?”

Her eyes got wide. “You're asking me that  _ now _ ? What happened to how supportive you've been, trying to encourage me to give him a chance? And when have you ever known me to jump into bed with someone just to pass the time? That's you, not me.” her voice starting to tense.

Anders held up his hands, “Sorry, you're right, that was out of line. But you seemed awfully eager to jump into that Wyvern hunt and leave town.”

“I'm not eager, but it's important. I like Garrett. A lot. Probably more than I should having only known him a month, but I do. I'm going to come back, but this can’t wait, it's something I have to do.” she sighed letting the anger go, and returning to her lunch.

“Warden business?”

She nodded.

“Warden business that is so important you have to leave to do it, but that only Nathaniel is coming along, instead of them sending someone closer? Warden business that you won't tell me about?”

“You left the Wardens, or don't you remember faking your death? Nathaniel's helping because he's the only one I could trust. Besides, he's the only other one that knows you're still alive, so there was no having to hide you away when he gets here tomorrow.” She picked at her food. “Just trust me, Anders. This is important.”

“Is it related to the High Dragon scales?” he asked.

She nodded, “That's all I'll tell you too. So stop asking.”

“Fine. Where is your... what is he, boyfriend?” Anders asked.

Kallian shrugged, “I think it's pretty safe to call him that. He's with Fenris and Sebastian planning tonight's raid. Speaking of which, Fen knows some things now.”

Anders plopped the last of his bread in his mouth and nodded for her to continue.

“He knows about Laurant, and he knows why you have those scars on your back,” she sighed looking back at her unfinished lunch, tears starting to threaten as her voice wavered.

Anders shifted closer and wrapped his arm around her waist. She leaned her head on his shoulder. “Rana, I told you before, that's not your fault. No one is to blame but the Templars. I would gladly take 100 more lashes to keep you safe.”

She reached for his other hand and gave it a squeeze. “You know I'd do the same for you, right?”

Anders kissed her head, “I know.” He leaned back up and placed his fingers on her neck and began a healing spell. “Do you think you and Hawke can stop marking each other already?”

“What's the fun in that?” she giggled.

***

Sebastian picked the lock to the DuPuis estate and then stood up, quietly ushering them inside before he stepped inside and closed the door to not alert anyone passing by.

They moved through the first room without any issues. In the main entry is where the shades appeared. Kallian rained down fire, Hawke lightening while Fenris slashed through the shades. Sebastian stood beside Hawke and Kallian shooting off arrows.

“Looks like we're in the right place,” Fenris commented after the last shade fell.

Kallian picked up a note and handed it to Hawke after reading it. It was a thank you note for some shipment, and mentioned dangerous creatures. “Interesting,” Hawke commented. “Let's see if we can't find this Gascard.”

They moved up the stairs, Kallian in the lead, with Sebastian and Fenris behind her, Hawke taking up the rear and watching for anyone that may be following. Just before she reached the top step, she let out a startled yelp as hands grabbed her waist and held her from moving any closer.

“Watch the hands,” she teased Sebastian who shook his head and pointed to the ground.

“Trap,” he said and then moved to work on disabling it. Hawke and Fenris continued to scan the room behind them while Kallian kept an eye out in front should anyone approach while Sebastian was working on the trap.

A telltale click turned her attention to the ground, telling her the trap was disabled. Sebastian stood up and brushed off his hands and moved to his former position, pausing only a moment to whisper in Kallian's ear, “And I don't need my hands to have you scream my name.”

He moved back to position next to Fenris, the look on his face betraying nothing he had just said. Kallian gawked at him, blushing as he and Fenris walked past her to continue their sweep of the area.

“What did he say?” Hawke asked quietly, “Was it dirty? I bet it was based on how red your cheeks are.”

“He... wait? Why would you guess that?” she asked him.

Hawke chuckled, “He does that. I think it's to remind us he wasn't always a Brother. You should have heard what he said to Isabella! What did he say to you?”

“I'll tell you later, in the bedroom,” she winked at him before running to catch up with the other two.

Upstairs a few smaller rooms were empty, but the third door they tried opened into a large dining room where they fought several other shades and found another note, this one from Starkhaven indicating that Dupuis was trying to locate a certain mage. Continuing further up they found a note indicating he had won over the Knight-Commander, basically getting the investigation called off. In a small room, they found a chest full of women's clothing.

“Yeah... nothing creepy about that,” Kallian mumbled.

The man in question was found in a bedroom, with a frightened woman screaming for help.

“I know what this looks like, but I didn't hurt her,” Dupuis said.

Kallian's mind flashed to Templars who would say the same thing in the circle. As if reading her mind, Fenris' hand brushed inconspicuously against her arm, bringing her back to the present.

“You expect me to believe that?” Hawke glared. “Get out of here,” he said to the woman who then ran past them.

“There is a killer out there, and I think he's playing us both,” Gascard explained, “Several years ago my sister was murdered. The bastard is now in Kirkwall, killing again, the same way he killed my sister.”

The man paused, looking out the window before continuing, “It starts with a bouquet of white lilies. He sends them to each new victim. Alessa was going to be next. I took her to bring the killer to me, to finally face him. Now you have let her go, she'll tell the city guard, she'll ruin everything.”

“Can't you just tell the city guard what you told me?” Hawke asked.

“I don't want him arrested. I want him dead for what he did to my sister, I want to bleed him dry.” Gascard shook his head.

“Who killed your sister?” Hawke asked.

“A powerful blood mage. He uses them for some ritual.” Gascard explained. “I know he's here in Kirkwall somewhere, but my best lead just ran out the door.” the man sighed.

Hawke watched the man. He didn't trust him, but so far they hadn't found anything besides kidnapping that would let them challenge the man. There was also the nagging feeling that what if he was right, what if this man was closer to finding the actual killer and he was stopped, what then, especially given that Meredith and the city guard clearly didn't believe there even was a killer.

“We will be keeping a close eye on you, and no more taking anyone. If you need someone tracked, come to one of us if the guard won't help.” Hawke warned.

“I will, I will, thank you Messere.” Gascard nodded.

As soon as they were outside Kallian turned to look at Hawke. “How could you just let him go?”

Hawke placed a hand on her arm, “Because there's no evidence. But that doesn't mean I'm not going to start keeping a closer eye on him. I don't completely buy his story either.”

Kallian nodded, and then walked towards the others who were waiting, Hawke not far behind.

“This is proof of why the Circles are needed. Without them you have a Blood Mage killing women.” Sebastian said to Fenris.

“The Circles are nothing but a prison, designed to punish the innocent.” Kallian replied.

“They are hardly a prison, lass.” Sebastian answered. “Mages are taught to use their magic safely, they are fed and clothed, kept safe from those that would hurt them.”

“They are locked in a tower with the very people that would hurt them,” Kallian replied.

“I have heard the stories, but rapes and beatings are rare, it is safer than this.” Sebastian answered.

“Your Revered Mother tell you that lie?”, Kallian snarled. “Don't lecture me on what the Circle is like, when you’ve never stepped foot in one, Chantry Boy.”

She spun on her heels and walked off, Fenris followed behind her. “I am sorry, Hawke. I have spent so long in the Chantry, I forget sometimes that not everyone is looking for a discussion on the teachings.”

Hawke nodded, “I suggest when we're out here, you try forgetting you're a Brother, and instead be a friend and it'll be fine.”

Sebastian nodded. “Please ask her for forgiveness for me,” he requested to which Hawke agreed.

***

Kallian paced in the Courtyard nervous, needing to shake off the hurt and anger she was feeling. Too many things that night had triggered painful memories. This was not how she wanted to be spending her last night, she wanted to be spending it with Hawke. A nice dinner, a fire in the fireplace, talking like they had the night before nestled in eachothers arms. But right now, she was feeling too agitated, too jumpy.

“Come,” she heard Fenris say as he passed and she followed him to a back way through alleys to his mansion. He said nothing, only occasionally looking to see that she was still following, until they were in the main room he used. She continued to pace as he set the fire. Normally she would offer to cast a fire, but she knew he was uncomfortable around magic, so she refrained. She could feel her nervous energy making her skin feel like it was crawling and she looked almost like a caged beast pacing.

Fenris observed her from the fire. He recognized her anxiety, it was manifesting in much the same way his did. For him it was triggered by arguments with Anders, or rumors of slavers in the area. He wasn't sure if it was what Sebastian had said or the events with Dupuis, but he knew the signs of anxiety all the same.

“You are safe here,” he said, trying to reassure her. Kallian looked at him and just felt all the anxiety crash and she fell to her knees where she stood breathing quickly.

Fenris was next to her a moment later. He remembered something Isabela had done to help him when he’d once had a panic attack in front of her.  Mimicking what she had done, he ran slow circles around her back with his hand and encouraged her to take deep, slow breaths. After a few minutes her breathing had slowed to a more normal pace and she changed position to sit on the floor, her hands wrapped around her knees.

“Do you wish to talk or drink?” Fenris asked her.

“Yes,” she gave him a small smile and he handed her a bottle of wine. “Thanks, for calming me too.” She took a sip and felt more relaxed. It was refreshing having someone that just knew how to get her to breath again. Zevran was very good at that, which is part of why they traveled so well together.

Kallian played with the bottle in her hand, collecting her thoughts before she spoke again. Even though he had never come right out and said it, she was pretty sure that Fenris' master had done more than just physically abuse him. He didn't seem to want to talk about it though, so she never pushed the subject. She did appreciate, though, having someone to talk to that could understand how it felt. Anders was another, but he always slipped into protection mode when she tried, instead of just letting her talk, so she found she couldn't talk to him about it. Hawke would probably be kind, and listen, but he couldn't really understand, and she felt their relationship was too new for her to bring in such heavy topics.

“When I saw that girl tonight, it felt like I was in the Circle again. Listening to Templars claim their innocence, or how they were tricked somehow.” she took another drink. “And then Sebastian. No one really has any clue. With that Templar, Laurant, things went sideways very quickly, but everyone likes to act like nothing's wrong with the way things are. No one cares one shit about those of us in the Circle.”

“Anything you say will be in confidence,” Fenris tried to reassure her. “I will even keep my opinions about mages to myself,” he gave her one of his sideways smiles to let her know he was teasing her.

She nodded and started to lean on his shoulder before sitting back up. “You're very spiky.” she pointed to his armor.

Fenris chucked and removed his breastplate. It was not something he would ever thought he'd do around a mage, but once again, he found she made him feel more relaxed than someone he'd known for a short time probably should. She leaned her head against his shoulder and took another sip of the wine.

“Usually Anders was pretty much always by my side, the only Templar he seemed ok around was Cullen, and I think that was more because our friend Sole had a crush on Cullen. There were times, when Anders was required elsewhere, especially being a Spirit healer, so those times I'd stay in the library, somewhere with a lot of others. I was studying a tome on something or other, not really important, when one of the Tranquil approached me. He said that Anders had been injured and I was to come to the second floor lab right away. I didn't even think twice about it, I was so stupid.”

She took another slug of the wine, tears starting down her face. Fenris placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder and she continued. “I rushed into the lab and the door slammed shut behind me, and I could hear the lock click. It was Laurant, he'd sent the Tranquil, it was all a trick.” She nestled into Fenris' shoulder more, “He cast a smite and I fell. When a Templar does that, it's like all the energy is pulled from your body at once. It's more than not being able to do magic, you can't even stand, you're just drained, completely. I couldn't get away, he rolled me so I was on my stomach, and had my arm pinned behind me,” she started crying again, her breathing becoming erratic again.

Fenris wished he knew any way to provide comfort to another. Everything he'd done up to now was based on what he'd observed others in their group doing when someone needed comfort. A slave didn't worry about feelings much less comfort, this was all a new area for him. He wanted to help his friend, but he felt guilt at not knowing  _ how _ . He tried what had worked before, making circles with his hand on her back. It appeared to help as her breathing slowed a little and he took note of that.

“He kept saying obscene things to me, about needing to teach me a lesson, and calling me a sweet little elf. He was tearing at my robes when the door burst open. Anders had broken it down, and had Laurant thrown across the room in a blink. He had cast another smite but it didn't affect Anders, adrenaline maybe, I don't know. Anders punched him, hard. Broke his nose I think. That's when it got really bad.” she took another drink.

“Several other Templars came in, including the Knight-Commander. Laurant lied, said I had lured him in there and then Anders had attacked him. They didn't even care a lick about our side. They dragged Anders off to the dungeon and the Knight-Commander gave the order for me to be made Tranquil. They would have probably done the same to Anders, but Spirit Healers are too valuable, that's the only thing that saved him. I went to the First Enchanter begging for help. He had a friend there with him, a Grey Warden who took pity on me and offered me a way out, become a Grey Warden. Anders spent a year in solitary for doing nothing but trying to keep me from being raped. Fenris, solitary is horrible, it fucks with your mind after only a few days, and he was there a year. When the tower fell I thought he'd died. All because he was trying to save me.” She let out another deep breath.

“It was not your fault, no more than anything Danarius did to me is mine.” Fenris said to her in his usual matter-of-fact tone.

She let out a sigh. “Anders said the same thing.”

“Then it is one thing he and I agree on,” Fenris nodded, taking the bottle from her and a sip.

Unbeknownst to either of them, Hawke was standing along the wall by the stairs listening. He hadn't intended to eavesdrop, he was coming to check on her, but had stopped when he heard them talking. What he heard broke his heart. It made him feel an appreciation for all his parents did to keep him and Bethany out of the Circle all the more. The sacrifices they had to make, just to ensure that things like that couldn't happen to them. He quietly left knowing that she'd return to his home when she was ready, and grateful that she and Fenris both found someone they could confide in. He wasn't upset that she had talked to Fenris instead of him. Hawke had the feeling the two of them had much in common when it came to their pasts, and if they could help each other heal, then they should.

_ *** _

_ It was hot, not just hot but sweltering on the roof. Kallian fought to catch her breath. The Archdemon had collapsed. Not dead, but not far from it. Her eyes scanned the roof for Morrigan, her appearance would make it safe for them to take that final blow. A hand on her arm drew her attention and she turned around to see Alistair beside her. _

_ She couldn't help the grin on her face as he wrapped an arm around her waist pulling her close while his hand touched her cheek. He tilted his head down capturing her lips. Kallian put her arms around his shoulders, one of her hands running through his hair as he wrapped the arm around her waist tighter. His kiss was strong, extremely passionate given the number of witnesses they currently had.  It made her insides flutter. _

_ When they had to break for need of breath she looked into his eyes. “I love you, Alistair.” _

_ He looked down for a moment, and then back up at her. His eyes looked sad, “And I love you, Kal. More than anything in this world. Don't ever forget that. I am the luckiest man in all of Thedas because I won your heart. Don't ever forget how much I love you.” _

“ _ Alistair?” she asked, he was sounding strange.  Why did it sound like he was saying goodbye? _

“ _ Sten,” he answered, stepping away as she felt two strong hands grab her arms. _

_ She tried to pull away but the Qunari was too strong. “Alistair, what...” _

“ _ I'm sorry love, please forgive me.” he said, his voice cracking.  He then turned and ran to the Archdemon. _

_ Kallian's eyes searched the roof desperately, but Morrigan was nowhere to be found. “Alistair, wait, Morrigan's not here yet. Alistair, Stop. Alistair!!!!” She screamed, trying to break free of Sten's grasp on her. _

_ The world seemed to slow down as she saw his sword raise and then slam down into the dragon. She could hear herself screaming his name, but somehow it seemed to not be from her. A second later she and Sten and everyone else was blown back by the shockwave. _

_ Kallian was lying on the ground in shock for a moment when the sight from a moment before came back to her. She leapt up and scanned around. She spotted him, lying in a heap, thrown several feet away from the dragon. Kallian ran to the fallen prince, screaming his name. She collapsed to her knees beside him. _

“ _ Alistair. Please, please wake up,” she begged him, picking up his head and placing it in her lap. She touched his cheek with her hands, her sight becoming blurry from her tears. “Please,” she begged even though she could feel his body already losing it's heat. _

_ She put his head back on the ground and bent down to place a soft kiss to lips that provided no pressure back. She couldn't breath, it was hard even to swallow, unable to even scream anymore. Kallian lowered her head to his chest and curled herself around his motionless body. At some point, Zevran kneeled beside her but she refused to acknowledge he was there. She laid there, clinging to Alistair for nearly an hour before Zevran finally scooped her up, Sten picked up Alistair, and they carried them down the tower. _

***

Kalli shot up into a sitting position. One deep breath and then the tears came, her hands covering her eyes to try to keep them from falling. She let out a few silent sobs before strong arms wrapped around her and pulled her towards another. Kalli fell into Hawke's chest, and cried, her brain tricking her into reliving the pain from all those years ago. Hawke drew soothing circles on her back and rocked gently. Eventually the tears slowed and the pain in her chest lessened until she could just breath again.

She sat back a little, suddenly feeling embarrassed of waking up like that, but when she looked over Hawke was just giving her a warm look. He reached his hand up and wiped away one of her tears with his thumb as she leaned into his hand. “There's my beautiful girl.” she couldn't help the smile on her face at his words. “Are you ok now?”

Kalli nodded and let him pull her back down into the bed to lie down. She laid in the crook of his shoulder and her one hand played with the hairs on his chest, helping soothe her.

“Do you want to talk about your dream?” Hawke finally spoke after several minutes.

“No,” she said. She wasn't ready. She also wasn't sure he wanted to hear about her dreaming about another man while in his bed.

“Do you want me to hold you?” he asked, unsure if she just wished to be alone.

“Yes,” came her quick answer, and he felt her head tilt up slightly. When he looked at her she gave him a soft, slow kiss before stretching out to wrap herself around him.

Hawke tightened his grip and wondered how he was possibly going to have the strength to watch her walk away in the morning.


	9. Goodbyes and Bitter Pills

Hawke watched as Kallian spoke with the dour looking man, Nathaniel Howe she had said, and Anders. She left the two of them to say her goodbyes to Fenris who had joined them before walking to Hawke.

She took both his hands in hers and stepped closer to him, standing on her tiptoes to give him a soft kiss. “Are you sure about this? That man doesn't seem very happy about this mission.” Hawke asked.

Kallian laughed, “Nathaniel pretty much always looks like that. I think if he actually smiled his face might crack.”

Hawke brushed his fingertips along her cheek. “I'm going to miss you, little dragon.”

She leaned into his touch and looked in his eyes. “I promise I'll be back, Garrett. One month, six weeks tops. I just... I hope you'll still be interested in us then.”

Hawke leaned down capturing her lips with his and giving her a crushing kiss trying to pour in all the affection he had for her into it. When he pulled back she was looking at him through hazy eyes, her lips red from the kiss. “Does that answer your question?” he asked.

She nodded and blushed. From the side they heard Anders yell “Get a room.” Kallian chuckled and turned to see Anders sliding his fingers together as if to scold them while Nathaniel had an amused look on his face.

“Are you ready, Commander?” he asked. “Assuming your gentleman friend will let you go that is?”

“Nathaniel, are you sassing me?” she asked with surprised amusement to which the rogue snorted.

“Six weeks,” she said quietly pulling Hawke down for a hug. “Can you do me a favor?”

“For you, anything,” Hawke answered, his arms still around her.

“Keep Fen company. Ask him if he wants to continue his lessons.” she asked.

“What are the lessons?” he asked, keeping his arms around her as he moved back to look at her, wanting to hold her for every last second that he could.

“If he wants you to know, he'll tell you. Just don't let him get too lost in his own head.” she said.

Hawke nodded, “Will do, Commander.” he winked before kissing her forehead as she playfully batted at him. He watched as she took her pack from Anders, giving the healer a hug and a kiss on the cheek. She nodded to them all before walking out of the town with Nathaniel.

Anders walked over and gave him a kind touch on the shoulder. “She'll be ok. Nathaniel's a good Warden. He'll look out for her.”

Hawke nodded, “I promised Mother I'd help around the house. Probably her way of keeping my mind off things. See you later on?”

Fenris and Anders both nodded before moving off in opposite directions.

***

A week had passed relatively uneventful. Hawke found that he was not sleeping as well, and found it curious how he'd gotten so used to Kallian being in his arms as he fell asleep after only three days. As a result of lack of sleep, he found his energy lower and a general lack of interest in going out on missions. He suspected that when Anders had stopped over that morning to ask about going to the Wounded Coast to search for herbs he needed for the clinic, it was little more than a ruse to get him out of the house. Still, it was something to do, so he decided to go.

It was for this purpose that he was now in Fenris' mansion, thinking perhaps the elf could also use the fresh air. He walked into the main room to find Fenris there cleaning his sword. Fenris looked up and nodded when he saw Hawke enter. “Hawke.”

“Fenris, we're going to the Wounded Coast to gather some herbs. Anders is seeing if Isabella is interested, I thought maybe you would care to join us. I expect it to be quiet, but having a warrior would be good should there be a fight.”

“My sword is always ready to assist you, my friend.” Fenris said warmly. He rose and wiped down the sword, placing it on his back.

Hawke shuffled nervously, “There's one other matter. I guess I should probably have said something before. Kalli asked me to ask you if you wanted me to continue her lessons.”

If Fenris had actually been a porcupine, as Varric had sometimes called him, Hawke was pretty sure he would have just raised all his quills. The elf looked seriously agitated. “She told you?” his voice suddenly angry.

Hawke held his hands up to show no harm was meant, “She didn't tell me anything, Fenris. I have no idea what you and her were up to. She just told me to ask you that and if you wanted me to know, you'd tell me.”

Fenris observed him for a moment, looking him over as if to try to read him before visibly relaxing. As much as Fenris could relax at least. “Forgive me. I should not have doubted that she would keep her word.” he looked down.

“It's okay Fenris. And you don't have to tell me whatever it is.” Hawke tried to reassure him.

Fenris looked at Hawke's face and thought for a moment. “She would not have told you to ask me if she didn't think I could trust you.” he looked down again, “Slaves are not permitted to learn to read or write. It was something she was helping to change.” he looked up to see if Hawke thought him the fool. Just as like with Kallian, however, Hawke only regarded his friend with kindness.

“I think that's wonderful, Fenris. If you want to continue, I can help wherever you two left off.” Hawke nodded with a reassuring smile.

“I do not wish any one else to know,” Fenris replied. He often felt too different from the others. He felt like all the things that just came naturally to them were all new and intimidating to him, even just how to _make_ friends itself. He didn't want this to be yet one more thing that set them all apart.

“You have my word, Fenris. It never leaves this room,” Hawke reassured him. “It'll do me some good too, keep my mind from missing her too much.”

Fenris nodded understanding, “To the Coast?”

***

The walk along the coast had been uneventful so far. Anders handed herbs to Hawke as he found them and Hawke would clean them off and place them in the basket he carried. Isabela seemed to be doing well enough at keeping Fenris in better spirits. Though he couldn't hear what they were saying, Hawke could see the rare grin on the elf's face and hear an occasional gravelly chuckle.

They moved along the path, Anders rushing ahead, spotting more elfroot, Fenris and Isabela taking the rear. Fenris stopped up suddenly and snarled, “Hunters.”

“Stop right there,” a voice called from above. They looked to see a man standing on top of the cliff, “You are in possession of stolen property. Back away from the slave now, and you will be spared.”

“Fenris is a free man!” Hawke growled back. He could feel Anders magic build up beside him.

“I won't repeat myself, back away from the slave now!” the man yelled.

Fenris began to glow. He was feeling scared, backed into a corner. He would not go back, not now, not after knowing what it was like to have free will. “I am NOT your slave.”

There was a large clap of thunder as Hawke brought his hands together. Two of the slavers fell as lightning hit them. Isabella made quick work of one as Anders had another pinned to the ground. Fenris stalked quickly to that man, and Anders pulled away when he hear Fenris approach.

Fenris grabbed the man's head and pulled it up, “Where is he?” he growled.

“I don't know. I don't know, I swear. Hadriana brought us. She's holding up in the caves to the north. I can show you.” the man pleaded.

“No need, I know where they are,” Fenris snarled and snapped the hunter's neck. He turned to look at the others. He was terrified they would tell him this was his own mess to clean up, not theirs. Worried they would leave him to his fate after he'd been so standoffish with them. “Hawke I...”

“Lead the way to the caves, Fenris. There's no way we're letting them touch you.” Hawke interrupted not even letting him finish. Fenris had become a brother to him, and Hawke was determined that he’d lost enough family already.

***

Isabela wiped the blood of a slaver from her blade and looked around at the bodies around them. Fenris approached a young elf woman who was cowering in the corner.

“Are you hurt?” Fenris asked her, his voice softening.

“They've been killing everyone. They killed Papa, bled him. The magister... she said she needed power. That someone was coming to kill her.” the woman replied.

“I'm very sorry, this must be horrible for you,” Hawke tried to comfort her.

“I don't understand, everything was fine until today,” she shook her head.

“It wasn't, you just didn't know any better,” Fenris said to her knowing all too well what the elf was experiencing.

“Here, take this ring with you to the Amell estate in Hightown. Show this to the Lady of the house and tell her Garrett sent you. She'll take care of you,” Hawke handed her his father's ring.

“Oh, thank you Ser,” the elf bowed her head and ran for the cave entrances.

“I didn't realize you were in the market for a slave,” Fenris snarled at him.

“I gave her a _job,_ Fenris, I'm going to pay her.” Hawke bristled.

Fenris sighed, “I am sorry, I should have known.”

“It's fine,” Hawke nodded, realizing Fenris was probably scared of what came next. “Let's go find this Hadriana and be rid of her.”

***

Hawke walked back to his estate with a heavy heart. Hadriana was dead, but it was clear the fight  had triggered something in Fenris. He had yelled that all mages were corrupt, that magic destroyed everything. Hawke knew enough to know Fenris was just striking out, but it still hurt, and Anders grousing about how this just proved that Fenris was some wild animal did not help matters.

He entered the estate to find Bodhan waiting for him. “A young woman came by, Messere. She said you sent her, Lady Leandra gave her one of the spare rooms, told her you would talk to her in the morning. I didn't know what to do.”

“It's fine Bodhan, I sent the girl. I'm sure we can find some work for her here. She claims to be able to cook.” Hawke patted the dwarf on the shoulder.

“Ah, very good Messere. Your friend, Messere Fenris is waiting for you in the library.” Bodhan nodded.

Hawke let out a relieved sigh, at least Fenris was safe. “Thank you, Bodhan. You can retire for the evening.”

“Thank you,” Bodhan nodded and excused himself.

Hawke entered the library and Fenris stood from where he had been sitting on the couch, and walked towards him, “I have been thinking about what happened with Hadriana. I took out my anger on you, undeservedly so. I was...not myself. I'm sorry.”

“I understand, Fenris. Are you alright?” Hawke reassured him.

Fenris shook his head and moved back to the couch to sit again, his head in his hands, “I do not know. When I was still a slave, Hardriana was a torment. She would ridicule me, deny my meals. I couldn't let her slip from my grasp even though I wanted to.”

“You wanted to?” Hawke asked.

“This hate, I thought I'd gotten away from it, but it's still there. And to know it is them that put it in me. It is nearly too much to bear.” Fenris slouched back against the couch.

“She deserved to die for what she did you you Fenris. And if Danarius ever comes, he will die too. I won't let them take you.” Hawke patted Fenris' hand. “Besides, Kalli would be pretty pissed off at me if I let something happen to you,” he smirked at Fenris.

Fenris chuckled. “I thank you, my friend.”

\-------------------------

From the amazing maxkennedy24 (maxkennedy24.tumblr.com)


	10. Tensions Rising

Hawke growled brushing off drying blood from his robes. The blighted elf had tried to, well Hawke didn't know what she had been trying to do by setting off poison in Lowtown. It had been a bloody mess, in more ways than one. He looked at his friends as they walked towards the gates to the Qunari compound. Fenris was his usual broody self. Sebastian was looking a little green around the gills, and Hawke made a mental note that they should stop to see Anders on the way back. Isabela was starting to futz and look nervous.

Just before they reached the gate she turned and started to walk away, “I just realized I am late for meeting Merrill for, um, something important. I'll catch up with you all later.” Before any of them could question her, she had already turned the corner.

Hawke sighed, “Let's get this over with.” and the three of them entered the compound.

“So, it appears I was wrong about the thief.” The Arishok said.

“Yes,” Hawke nodded. “It was an elf, she was angry that her culture was being lost as her people joined you.”

“That may be, but we did not come here equipped to indoctrinate. We are here for a purpose you cannot understand.” the Arishok replied.

“You've been here a long time,” Hawke snapped. He was getting sick of this. Sick of every damned person in this city looking to him to fix things. Sick of people attacking his friends. Sick of people saying six weeks when it had already been nine. He was very quickly losing his patience with everything around him including this  _ I think I'm so scary sitting at the top of the stairs in a chair _ Arishok.

“It will take as long as needed. No ship is coming. There is no rescue from duty to the Qun,” The Arishok replied, his voice showing he too was losing patience.

“That's not the understanding of the Viscount.” Hawke challenged.

“Let them rot. Filth stole from us, years ago. A simple act of greed has bound me here until I recover what was taken from us.” The Arishok stood. “This is why I do not simply walk away from this pustule of a city! Leave.”

They walked out through the gates and Hawke sighed looking at the other two, “This is not going to end well, I can tell now.”

Sebastian let out a cough, and Hawke motioned to him. “Come, we have a healer to see.”

Hawke helped Sebastian remove his breastplate while the archer sat on the cot in Anders' clinic. The mage approached them, having finished setting a leg for one of the Darktown residents.

“What happened here?” Anders asked sitting down to take look at Sebastian who was starting up another coughing fit.

“We decided it would be fun to play with poisonous gas today.” Hawke replied. “Sebastian maybe breathed a little too much in.”

“Ok,” Anders nodded. “Let's take a look then.” He started pulling from the Fade as he moved his hands over the man's chest. “Ah, here it is. Just a little irritation, the poison hasn't had a chance to spread yet. Good thing you came in now.” The mage concentrated some more, his hand glowing as he moved them over Sebastian’s chest. Within a few minutes Sebastian had stopped coughing.

Anders pulled back his magic and took a look at the archer, “Better?”

Sebastian took a deep breath and nodded “Much. Aye thank ye, healer.”

“If you want to thank me, maybe figure out a way to get some supplies here. A few blankets and bandages could do a world of good,” he said to Sebastian, as he stood up.

“How about you Hawke, you feeling ok?” Anders asked.

“Fine,” Hawke snapped.

“Right, that was very convincing. Want to try again?” Anders raised an eyebrow.

Hawke sighed, “Sorry. You haven't heard, well,  _ anything _ ?”

Anders shook his head, “Sorry Hawke, no word.”

Hawke nodded and left with Sebastian. Of course nothing had happened, she'd probably just changed her mind about him is all, he thought to himself.

“How about cards tonight, Hawke?” Sebastian offered, hoping to cheer the man out of his funk.

Hawke sighed. “I have another one of Mother's dinner parties tonight. Maybe after?”

Sebastian nodded, “See you there.”

***

Hawke stood in his formal wear trying not to pull on the collar. He hated dressing up for these events, and he had no interest in these women his mother kept parading in front of him.  The only woman he’d been interested in walked out of the city months ago. But his mother was his only family left, and he had promised his father to take care of her. Garrett looked up to the ceiling,  _ you better be appreciating this, Da _ .

He stood up straight hearing Leandra enter the library with a young woman on her arm. She was a good head shorter than Hawke, with long brown hair in an Orlesian style braid. She wore a forest green dress that hugged her in all the right places, and a diamond pendant that settled just above her cleavage.

“Garrett,” Leandra called to him, “Allow me to introduce Lady Clarissa Frye.”

“It is an honor, my lady,” Garrett bowed slightly taking her hand and pressing a chaste kiss to the back of it. He saw the pleased look on his mother's face and hoped she appreciated that he was going through all these motions for her alone. He at least gave his mother credit for finding someone so attractive, although he suspected this was intentional, his mother perhaps trying to make him forget about another with blue eyes as deep as the sea.

Hawke led her to the dining room, his mother a few steps behind as a chaperone. As he pulled out the chair to her he spoke, “So, Lady Clarissa, the color of your dress is breathtaking. It matches the ribbon in your hair.” Leandra gave him a displeased look from where she sat across the table and Hawke looked back and shrugged. Small talk was never his strong suit.

“Yes, thank you,” Clarissa replied, placing the napkin on her lap as Hawke took his seat.

He poured them both a glass of wine and offered one to his mother but she shook it off. He waited to see if Clarissa would talk but after a few awkward minutes including his mother glaring at him he tried again.

“Do you like dogs? I had a mabari as a child, but he was too old to make the journey to Kirkwall.” Hawke hoped adding a little bit of information might get her to talk, or at least ask some questions.

“No. They are smelly, unclean mongrels.” she crumpled her nose in distaste.

“Um, books then. Have you read anything good.” He tried again.

“Yes,” she answered, taking a sip of her wine.

_ Maker, where was Orana with that food. _ “And what was it?” he looked over at his mother, but her interpretation of how well things seemed to be going was different than his apparently as she had a pleased look on her face.

“It was about flower gardens.” Clarissa answered.

“Oh, sounds very interesting,” Hawke answered.  _ It sounds as boring as possible, could I just feign my death _ . “What specifically was it about?”

“Soil.” she took another sip.

_ Seriously, Da, is this repayment for when I cut off Bethany's braid when I was twelve? _ He was struggling with what to say to that when, by Andraste's mercy, Orana entered carrying a tray with roast duck surrounded by potatoes, carrots and onions. She placed it on the serving table and began placing the food onto their plates. As Orana sat the plates down in front of them, one of the carrots, covered in gravy, rolled off of Hawke's plate and onto his shirt.

“Oh, I'm sorry,” she jumped meekly and tried to clean it up. Despite having been with them several weeks, Orana was clearly still not used to the idea that she was no longer a slave, nor that she was going to be treated better. She was still often jumpy, and afraid of displeasing them.

“It's alright, Orana, it can be easily cleaned,” Hawke tried to reassure her.

“It most certainly is not. You may have ruined his shirt you clumsy oaf. If you were in my employ you'd be fired immediately. I bet you can't even cook properly if you are unable to serve without getting food on people.” Clarissa glared at Orana. Hawke looked at his date in shock, it had been more words than she'd said the whole night.

Orana started to tear up and began bowing, “My lady, I'm sorry my lady. You are correct, my apologies, Master Hawke.”

“Orana, it's fine, and stop calling me Master. Go back to the kitchen and have something to eat, it'll be fine,” he tried to reassure her again. Orana bowed again, tears in her eyes as she left the room.

“Stupid elves, can't do anything right. They should stay in the alienages, or better yet, go back into the woods.” Clarissa commented as she cut into her food.  “They are filthier than a mabari.”

“You do realize you're able to sit here and eat because one of those  _ stupid elves _ saved Thedas during the Blight, don't you?” Hawke put his napkin on the table and glared at Clarissa, ignoring the stern look that was coming from his mother.

Clarissa made a scoffing noise, “You really believe that garbage? That's just some story they made up so they could label someone a Hero. Some hero, seducing the rightful heir to the crown away from his duty to the country. I wonder what she did to convince him to die instead of being  _ hero _ enough to do it herself. Probably one of those lewd things not even the whores at the Blooming Rose would do. Those filthy knife ears just love to get into the sheets with humans, talk them into all sorts of ill advised things.   I heard there was another elf with the party.  I bet she was in his tent just as much as that poor Prince.  Why he wasted time on an elf I don’t understand.”

“Kallian Surana has more class and decency in her little finger, than you, dear lady, have in your entire body.” Hawke stood from the table , throwing down his napkin.

“Garrett,” Leandra warned. “You're being rude to our guest.”

“No, Mother, I'm not the one being rude. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to check on Orana.” he walked away hearing Clarissa complain about how she'd never been treated so poorly and Leandra begging for forgiveness.

A half hour later, after having calmed Orana down and hopefully convincing her that he was not displeased with her at all, Hawke was in his room changing into something more comfortable. A night playing cards would hopefully clear his mind of this awful date.

“Garrett, I can't believe you embarrassed me like that,” Leandra scolded as she entered.

“I? Seriously, Mother? She made Orana cry.” Hawke shook his head as he pulled off his shirt.

“That's not the point, Garrett. Do you know all the hard work I go through to find you a match and then you throw away all my hard work.” Leandra continued.

“I'm sorry, Mother. But she and I were never going to be a good match.  _ She _ is not what I'm interested in,” he threw on a robe and searched for a belt.

“This is about that Ferelden elf, isn't it? Garrett I've tried to be patient, but it's been two months. I tried to warn you, this is what she does, she takes advantage of men, convincing them she cares,” Leandra began to explain, “At least she didn't talk you into killing yourself against some Archdemon.”

“That's not what happened, Mother. You know nothing about her,” Hawke snapped back.

“I know all I need to know about her. She got her claws in you, I warned you about her. I'm glad she left town, or Maker knows what she would have talked you into. You are better than some elf who...”

“Enough. I will not listen to you speak that way about the woman I... You know what, nevermind. I'm going out,” Hawke yelled at her.

Leandra scoffed, “Really, Garrett? You think you're in love with her because she shared your bed for a few nights? Oh don't delude yourself into thinking for one second she loves you back, you were a convenience to her, nothing more. I don't know why you can't see that. You are a noble, you can do better. She will never love you, only toy with you and  then leave when it’s no longer convenient for her.  It was one thing to humor you when it was a dalliance for a few days.  But you’re throwing away your future for some knife-eared tart.... ”

Hawke moved to within a few inches of his mother’s face. “Don't you dare.” he growled at her, “Not one more word against her, not one. I'm done with this.” he stormed out before she could reply.

Hawke entered Varric's room to find everyone else, save Aveline, there already. “Ah, Hawke, just in time for the next round.” Varric shuffled as he started looking him up and down. “Based on that look, I'd say the date didn't go so well. Kid, keep this up and we're going to have to rename Broody to Not-as-Broody-as-Hawke.”

“I don't Brood,” Fenris piped in.

“Neither do I, just deal the cards,” Hawke grumbled, taking his seat.

“Right,” Varric nodded, “Drinks it is then, and lots of them.” he signalled to Norah.

“Hawke, it’s going to be…” Anders started to say.

“Don’t, just don’t.” Hawke cut him off.  “I don’t need false hope.  Let’s just get drunk and I can forget this whole horrible night ever happened.”


	11. Pieces Breaking Apart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter this time, sorry

Leandra was asleep by the time Hawke stumbled in drunk late that night, and she was gone by the time he awoke late morning. He was relieved not to have seen her, actually, not wanting to continue their fight, and still stinging from what she had said about Kallian. Sure she had said one month and that had come and gone but she had promised to come back. Still the words from his mother pulled on that tiny piece of doubt in his mind, and once it had hold it didn't want to leave. Hawke looked through his mail, hopeful to find something, anything that he could do that would keep his mind from wandering where he didn't want it to go.  Her feelings for him were true, weren’t they?

He flipped through the letters there until he found one from one of the mages he'd helped from Starkhaven. It let him know to find a Mistress Shelby at the docks if he was willing to help other mages. Hawke smiled, this would do the trick nicely.

“Let Mother know I'll be back later tonight,” he instructed Bodhan and left to gather some friends.

Mistress Shelby was easy enough to find along the docks. Hawke, Anders, Varric and Isabella approached her.

“What do you need love? Package delivery?” she asked Hawke.

“I'm Hawke. I got a letter from some mage 'friends'” , he explained.

“Ah, check the board then for our “special” rates,” she nodded.

"Oooh, cloak and dagger phrases! How about ... 'the queasy crow flies at midnight'." Hawke replied.

“How about...the smart-mouthed Ferelden gets slapped across the face,” she glared at him.

Anders snorted next to him.

“Quite the ladies man, Hawke,” Varric chuckled as Hawke read the board. “So, where to?”

“Wounded Coast, then the Hanged-Man for a drink.” Hawke answered as they left. We have an apostate to rescue.”

The walk along the Coast was quiet, and Anders took advantage of that to fill his pouch with herbs as they passed. Hawke watched his friend and he did so. It was different, nice when Anders was away from Kirkwall, he seemed more relaxed, almost at peace whenever they walked along the Coast, as if the sea air awakened something in the mage.

“I think these are the caves we're looking for,” Isabela pointed to an opening ahead.

It didn't take long for battle to find them, and as he had hoped, the activity cleared his mind of all his worry. The bounty hunters may have been professional, but they were definitely not the cream of the crop, as they all fell quickly under a barrage of lightning, arrows and Isabela's swift blades.

They turned the corner and found the missing apostate. “You're safe now, we've cleared the hunters, but you'll need to move fast,” Hawke told her.

“Thank the Maker.” she breathed a sigh of relief. “Terri said she'd find a way to help me. I thank you, Ser.”

Hawke placed a few pieces of silver in her hand, “Here, you'll need this to find safe passage out of town. Keep safe.”

The woman nodded and took off for the cave exit.

“I don't know about you, but I'm ready for a drink and supper,” Isabela said, pulling her hair that had fallen out back into a ponytail.

“That sounds good to me,” Hawke answered as they exited the cave. The job had taken most of the day, but it was worth it, having cleared his head enough to be able to return home without feeling the need to fight with his Mother. “Lead the way,” he said as Isabela took his arm.

***

Hawke walked into the estate with Anders at his side to hear Sandal arguing with someone.

“Enchantment!” he yelled out.

“No, Leandra. Lee-an-drah.” Gamlen sounded exasperated., and looked up seeing Anders and Hawke enter. “Have you seen your mother?”

“I haven't seen her since last night, what's wrong, uncle?” Hawke asked.

“She didn't come by for our weekly dinner. Is she ill? She  _ is _ here, isn't she?” Gamlen asked.

“No, Ser. She left earlier this evening, perhaps she is with her suitor?” Bodhan answered, entering the room.

“Mother didn't mention anyone,” Hawke raised an eyebrow.

“Some white lilies arrived for her earlier today, Messere Hawke.” Bodhan explained.

“White lilies?” Hawke asked looking at Anders whose face had gone pale. “Gamlen, I need you to go home, see if perhaps she's there, maybe you just crossed paths.”

Gamlen nodded, and Hawke waited until after he left to talk to Anders, “I need you to get Sebastian while I get Fenris. We'll meet in front of the Chantry.”

Anders nodded and left quickly to fetch the rogue.

***

Hawke sat on the edge of his bed staring at his hands. He'd failed. The one thing his father had ever asked of him  _ keep them safe _ and he had failed. Every time he looked at his hands all he could see was his Mother, the light leaving her eyes as she had looked up at him when he had held her in his lap. She was gone now, just like Bethany and Carver. He had failed in the worst way possible and all that was left was an empty estate and an aching hole where his heart should be. Sebastian had prayed over her body, and the only comfort Hawke found was knowing that at least she was with the Maker and with the rest of his family. His father was in the Fade cursing his incompetence, Hawke had little doubt.

Hawke pulled at his hair as he rocked. She was gone and his last words to her, the real her, had been in anger. He wanted so bad to take it back, to hold his Mother and tell her he loved her, that he'd do whatever she asked, marry whoever she bade him to if only she'd come back. How, how had this happened. They had been so careful, Aveline's guards keeping watch on Dupuis' mansion. He couldn't even cry, the lump in his throat all but choking him, and his chest felt as if Fenris had a grip on his heart.

He looked up hearing a noise at his bedroom door to see Anders standing there. “Hawke,” he spoke softly as he walked over and sat next to his friend on the bed. “I'm sorry. I know it may ring hollow now, but take comfort in knowing you had her for as long as you did, and that you know she loved you.”

“I failed her,” Hawke moaned, hanging his head in shame. “It was my job to keep her safe, and I failed her.”

“No, this is not your fault,” Anders tried to comfort him.

“It is. It's just as well Kallie is gone. I'd only put her at risk too.” Hawke could no longer hold back the tears.

“She'll be back, Hawke. And this is not your fault. Not even a little bit,” Anders put an arm around his shoulder.

“It's been over two months, Anders. I was foolish to think she would return, and wishing for it to be different does nothing but break my heart.” Hawke shook his head. “I think I just want to be alone right now.”

Anders nodded. “I'll stop by tomorrow. Send Bodhan if you need me to return.” he offered as he left, closing the door behind him. He placed his hand on the closed door wishing more than anything he could do something besides just empty words to ease his friend's heartbreak.


	12. Boiling Point

**** “I find I am unsure what to say to you. I... I know that everyone else knows what to say, and I wish I did.”

Hawke sat on the couch in his library flipping through one of his father's tomes. He looked up at the doorway and saw Fenris standing there fidgeting and looking at his feet. It had been over a week since his mother's death, and he had been waiting to see how long it would take for Fenris to stop by. He had been spending more time with Fenris since starting his reading lessons and in that time he found that the elf was actually quite intelligent and thoughtful. He also discovered that Fenris was acutely aware of how little he knew of social graces and was embarrassed by that, even though Hawke and the others knew it was not his fault. It wasn't as if slaves had exposure to learn such things. It was because of this, that Hawke wanted to encourage Fenris to try, even if clumsy, it was an effort. It was for this same reason that Hawke had not been hurt by it taking so long for Fenris to appear, he had assumed it was not that Fenris didn't care, just that he didn't know what to say or do.

“It's ok Fenris. In truth, most people have no clue what to say, or say nothing for fear of saying the wrong thing. That you are here is what matters.” Hawke tried to reassure him. “Would you like to join me for lunch? Orana is setting up now.  It'd be nice to have some company, everyone seems to be giving me space as it were.”

Fenris nodded, “I would enjoy that, yes.”

Hawke tried not to chuckle at Fenris being so formal. They walked to the dining room and Orana entered and was surprised to find Fenris there. “Oh, I didn't realize we had company Ser, I'm so sorry.” she fumbled.

Hawke reached for her hand, “Orana, it's ok, Fenris only just arrived, it wasn't planned. Now take a deep breath and relax.”

Orana did as instructed and then gave Hawke a small smile before nodding and leaving the room. If anything good had come from his mother's death, it was that it brought him and Orana closer. In their shared grief, along with Bodahn and Sandal, they had all taken to sharing dinner together and stories of Leandra. Through that, Orana was slowly coming to think of the estate as her home, and not as a slave.

“She is adjusting better than I might have expected.” Fenris said after she had left the room.

Hawke nodded, “I just wish she knew she was safe here. I don't think that has quite sunk in.”

“It will, it has taken me years to feel comfortable in my own skin, and even now I find myself looking over my shoulder still for Danarius.” Fenris replied.

They quelled their conversation when Orana entered with a plate for Fenris. After she left again Hawke picked it back up, “Any word on him?”

Fenris sighed and shook his head. “No, and I am still conflicted about this news that I have a sister. Hadriana could very well have been making it up just to try to save her own skin. Or she could be telling the truth. If so, if she knew about my sister, then so would Danarius. That would mean trying to contact her could put one or both of us in danger. Or the whole thing could be a trap, a way for him to locate me.”

Hawke nodded again, “So you feel stuck, unsure yet what to do.”

Fenris nodded. “I had never considered the idea that I might have a family before. Now that there is the possibility, I find myself wanting for something I never did before.”

“Well, whatever you decide, Fen, I'll back you up.”

“Thank you, Hawke,” Fenris nodded, returning to his lunch.

***

“Hawke, good to have you back to the game,” Varric commented as Hawke took his seat beside the dwarf. “We need someone to distract Ravaini so that the rest of us have a chance of winning.”

“I'll do my part,” Hawke laughed as he sat down. It felt good to just laugh again. It had been three weeks since his mother's death, and Sebastian had convinced him it was time to rejoin everyone at the Hanged-Man.

Anders entered and a smile appeared when he noticed Hawke sitting at the table. “It's good to see you in that chair again, Hawke.”

Hawke nodded. “Anders. I don't suppose...”

Anders shook his head knowing the question before it was even asked. “Sorry, nothing.”

Hawke nodded and brought his drink to his mouth in an attempt to hide the look of disappointment. It had been three months and even though he kept saying he was ok, that he had let it go, his heart knew the truth.

“HAWKE!” Isabela yelled out when she caught sight of him and ran over to sit beside him.

“Isabela,” Hawke laughed as she threw her arms around him and not so subtly pulled his head to her bosom. “I believe I'm supposed to distract you tonight, not the other way around.”

Isabela purred, “Oooo, that sounds like fun.”

Sebastian rolled his eyes and tried to pretend not to notice what was going on between the two of them opposite him.  His smirk gave away that the Brother wasn’t actually all that upset.  He was instead happy just to see Hawke out and interacting with everyone again, slowly coming back to the man they all cared for. “So are you going to deal, dwarf, or just play with the cards?” He asked.

“Oh hoo, Choir boy seems eager to lose. Let's start then, shall we,” Varric chuckled as he started dealing. Hawke relaxed and looked around the table. Even Aveline had joined them tonight, having a rare evening off. It wasn't perfect, but it was a start to things returning to normal.  He could feel his spirits lift, surrounded by good friends and mediocre drinks.

***

“Hawke, I'm going to die,” Isabela sounded panicked as she looked at him in his parlor.

“What?” Hawke was concerned, did she need a healer?

“Remember the relic? A man called Wall-eyed Sam has it. If you don't help me get it, Castillon will kill me. Please.” Isabela begged him.

“I'm trying to get the entire city from rioting against the Qunari.” Aveline argued. “That takes precedence over your personal issues.”

“Well, maybe it's connected.” Isabela replied.

“Hawke, this is important.” Aveline argued.

“No,” Hawke countered. “I'm sick of losing people. The city can wait this time. Isabela, whatever you need, I'll help.”

Aveline grunted and left annoyed. Isabela meanwhile threw her arms around Hawke’s neck and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “Thank you, Hawke, I knew you wouldn't let me down. We need to get to Lowtown.”

“Alright, let's grab Fenris and Varric and get searching for this Wall-Eyed Sam. What kind of stupid name is that anyway?” he asked as he grabbed his staff and walked out the door.

***

“So, Bela, care to tell me why we just had to fight off several Qunari for this relic?” Hawke raised an eyebrow as he caught his breath.

“Er...yes, about that. The relic belongs to the Qunari, and there's a small chance they want it back,” she answered, speaking very quickly.

Hawke pinched his nose with his fingers and closed his eyes. “I think it's more than a small chance, Bela, given that five of them just attacked us. Let's just find this relic before this becomes something bigger.”

“Please, tell me you'll give the relic to me if you find it.” Isabela begged.

“It's yours. Your life depends on it,” Hawke reassured her as they walked to the warehouse.

They entered to find a fight breaking out between several mages and the Qunari. A blonde man ran past them to escape the fighting. “He's getting away!” Isabela yelled out and chased after the man.

“Isabela!” Hawke yelled, drawing the attention of the other two parties, who began to attack.

Varric began showering the mages with bolts as Fenris ran headlong to the Qunari and started battling them. Several of the mages turned and ran, so Hawke focused his attention to the Qunari, letting out several lightening bolts killing one, and stunning another long enough to give Fenris a chance to battle on. Varric's bolts hitting the Qunari let Hawke know the mages were either gone or dead.

After nearly twenty minutes the Qunari were dead, and most of the mages fled. Hawke took a deep breath and led the others out of the warehouse. There they found the man dead, and a note from Isabela apologizing but saying she couldn't take the chance and had fled.

“Shit!” Hawke growled.

***

Anders and Sebastian ran through Lowtown trying to help citizens escape. Sebastian had brought down a donation from of blankets and bandages and was helping put them away in the clinic when word reached them that the Qunari were rampaging through the city. When they made it to Lowtown, it was worse than either had feared. Everything seemed to be on fire and screams could be heard all over.

“Anders, over here,” Sebastian called out. Anders ran to where Sebastian was trying to pull a fallen crate off a man's leg. With Anders help, they were able to finally lift it and get it away.

Anders bent down to inspect the man's leg which was most definitely broken. “I can heal this, but I need you to remain calm.”

“I know who you are, healer, please help,” the man cried out in pain.

“I'll keep lookout,” Sebastian reassured them and stood in front of them both to block from any danger as Anders hands began to glow casting healing magic into the man's leg. He could feel the bones start to mend and pull back together. Once it was done, he was helping the man stand when he heard his name cried out by someone.

Anders turned to look and only had a moment to react before letting out a “humph” as the air was knocked from him and arms wrapped around his torso. “Kallie?” he asked in disbelief, looking down to see a clump of blonde hair.

“Maker Anders, what is going on? Everything is on fire.” she asked him, looking up at him with her arms still wrapped around him.

“The Qunari decided they're done being diplomatic.” He held her back with his arms to get a look at her. “You're ok? You're alive?” he asked pulling her back into a hug before she could respond.

She nodded and said something he couldn't make out into his chest.

“What?” Anders asked stepping back.

“I said I can't breath and you're embarrassing me in front of the Chantry Boy.” she grinned up at him.

Anders let out an exasperated sigh while Sebastian chuckled. “We are going to have a long talk later on, little sister, about not going off for four months without a word and scaring the Fade out of me thinking you were dead.”

“I'm sorry, Anders, it couldn't be helped. There was a collapse in some caves and Darkspawn attacked. I only just split from Nathaniel a few hours back and ran here the moment I saw the flames.” She explained. “Where is everyone? Hi, by the way, Sebastian.”

“Hello, lass,” Sebastian gave her a warm smile.

Anders shook his head. “We're not sure. We heard people say the Arishok is at the Viscount's Keep. I'm guessing if so that's where the others are, come on.”

Kallian nodded letting Sebastian lead the way. Anders seemed unwilling to let go of her hand except for when he needed to cast, and she was willing to let him, grateful he was alive.  She had been so scared for him when she ran to town.  When she had caught sight of him and Sebastian her heart had finally left her throat.  

As they approached the Keep it became obvious this was where everything was happening as there were Qunari and civilians surrounding it. The three of them ran up the stairs, and found that the nobles in town were gathered inside. Everyone seemed focused on something going on in the center.

Kallian tried to jump to see what had everyone's attention, but was unable to see over the others. Based on the swears from Anders, however, she guessed it was not good. Still holding her hand he dragged her through the crowd, pushing others out of the way. The three of them stopped by Aveline and Merrill and looked. There was the Arishok, and battling against him was Fenris, Hawke, Isabela and Varric.

“If we interfere, their lives are forfeit,” Aveline warned them. Anders let go of Kallian's hand to dig through his pouch and pull out a lyrium potion which he drank in anticipation of needing to heal their friends when this battle was over.

The Arishok swung his sword and it hit Hawke, although he was still standing, casting lightning while running and ducking to keep out of the way. Kallian let out a yelp as the blade hit Hawke and buried her head into Sebastian's side, unable to look. Sebastian placed an arm around her. “You can look, lass. He's ok.” he told her.

Kallian turned to watch, her hand gripping Sebastian's, needing something to keep her anchored, to keep her from running out there. Isabela slid across the floor cutting the Arishok at the ankle at the same time Varric released a bolt that landed in the Qunari's shoulder. Kallian squeezed Sebastian's hand, they were winning, it was close now. Fenris let out a roar and his ridiculously large sword sliced through the Arishok's side. Hawke raised his arms, clapping them together, but as the thunder cracked and a lightening bolt struck so did the Arishok. The Qunari's blade swept out as the Qunari leader fell and sliced into Hawke.

“NO!” Kallian screamed out as Hawke collapsed. For a moment her brain replayed that fateful day on a Denerim rooftop. “NO!” she yelled dropping Sebastian's hand and running out to where Hawke's body had collapsed.

Sebastian looked up, he had missed everything. The entire fight went by without his notice, he had been looking at their hands, the feel of hers in his, and had been completely absorbed in that.   He had forgotten anything else was going on until she let go and ran off, bringing him back to the present.

Kallian slid to a halt beside Hawke, lifting his head onto her lap, her hands running along his face. “No, please No Maker, not again. Please Hawke, please, please wake up. Please, I'm back, please please.”

Hands grabbed at her shoulder and she tried to shake them off. “Rana,” she brushed them off as she rocked,  _ Maker, please wake him _ . _ Please don’t do this to me again, don’t take him. _ “Rana!” the hands pulled at her. “Rana, he's alive but you need to let me take care of him.” She looked up and saw Anders who was pleading with her to move. She nodded, and slid over letting him begin working, his hands glowing and his face concentrating.

She could hear people talking as the Qunari were all departing. Someone, Meredith maybe, was calling him Kirkwall's Champion. The Knight-Commander walked past them, she could see Cullen following behind with a few others. “Take the apostates in!” she heard a voice, templar no doubt.

The hair on the back of her neck stood up, she would  _ not _ let them take either of them. Kallian rose, and looked around the room, catching onto who was talking she stormed over to the two templars, ready to set them all on fire if that's what it took. “You will not touch them!” she snarled.

“Fenris,” Anders spoke calmly, despite the look of worry on his face, to the elf who was standing close, nervously shuffling.

“What is it, mage?” Fenris knelt, “Is it Hawke?”

“No, but I can't leave here, the damage is too great. If we try moving him right now he'll bleed out. I need you to get over there,” Anders eyes moved to where Kallian was facing down a templar.

“They wouldn't dare touch the Hero,” Fenris tried to reassure him.

“Fenris, get over there NOW.” Anders snarled. “That,” his eyes moved over to Kallian again, “is Laurant.”

Fenris leapt to his feet and stalked over as quickly as he could to where Kallian was staring down the templar. “Your own Knight-Commander just named Hawke Champion, you will not touch him, and Anders is a Warden, also out of your reach.” she snarled.

The man laughed, “Oh Kallian, so fierce as always. I've been watching you, following around your little boyfriend there. Or maybe it's both of them, is that it? Does it take two of them because neither is man enough for you.” he reached out and ran a finger along her face which she promptly moved away from. “How about I show you what you've been missing?”

“Try to touch me and Anders will rip you apart,” she glared at him.

“Oh, little Kallian. Do you really think they can protect you? There's so many dark alleys in Kirkwall, sooner or later one of them will have their back turned, and before you can scream...” the man stopped talking, his face taking on a look of agony.

“That pain you feel is my hand around your heart. One squeeze and you are dead before you hit the ground,” Fenris' eerily calm voice spoke in the templar's ear. “If you ever go near Kalli or Hawke...”

“Or Anders,” Kallian piped in.

Fenris sighed, “Or Anders, you will see how quickly I can pull your heart from your chest. Do you understand?”

Laurant said nothing, his face still contorted in pain. “Do you understand?” Fenris growled louder.

Laurant  nodded and Fenris pulled out his hand. The man trying to capture his breath.

“Go,” Fenris snarled at the Templar who took off at a brisk pace away from them.

“Oh Fen, I missed you, that was wonderful,” Kallian threw herself into his chest.

Fenris held his hands away from her, “I am covered in Qunari and Templar blood,” he tried to warn her.

“I don't care,” she smiled up at him brushing a kiss to his cheek. Fenris returned the smile and then looked over as Anders called to him.

“I still need to work on him, but he's safe to move back to the estate. I need you and Sebastian to help.” Anders explained, while pulling Kalli into his side, “And you need to stop giving me heart attacks. What were you thinking charging after him like that? He could have hurt you.”

“I'm ok Anders, and I was protecting you. But Garrett...” her eyes moved to the unconscious man that Fenris, Aveline and Sebastian were lifting.

“I want to tell you he'll be ok, but it's going to be touch and go for now. We need to get him to his bed so I can continue.” Anders kissed her head. Kallian nodded and walked with Anders, her arm around his waist as his was around her shoulder, following the others to the Amell estate.


	13. Crumble

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> author points at the angst tags

The moment Hawke awoke he immediately wished he was back asleep as all he could feel was immense pain. He couldn't help the moan that left his lips, it felt like his entire side had been set on fire.

“Hey, shh, Hawke,” he heard Anders’ voice whisper.  He slowly opened his eyes to see the smiling mage smiling above him. Anders' hand began to glow as he looked over Hawke's injuries.

“I feel like I've been attacked by a bronto,” Hawke said his voice feeling rough, weak from lack of use.

“Arishok, but about the same. You took a nasty hit from his sword as you finished him off.” Anders nodded. “You'll be fine, you're favorite healer was there. You just need to rest, you're all patched up, probably won't even have more than a tiny scar, but you're body needs time to mend still.”

“Everyone's safe? How long have I been out?” Hawke asked, his voice more at a normal tone.

Anders nodded, “About a week. Now shh.” he answered and gave him a strange smile.

“Why do you keep shushing me in my own room?” Hawke raised an eyebrow.

“Because she finally fell asleep a few hours ago, and should rest at least until I'm done checking you,” he stepped slightly to the side to allow Hawke to see the chair near his fireplace. Curled into it was a tuft of blonde hair peeking out from a gray blanket. Hawke looked up at Anders who just nodded and went back to focusing on Hawke's side.

“She's back?” he asked, turning to look again as if she was a trick of the light.

“She hasn't left the room for days. Fenris tried to get her to go out yesterday for some fresh air and she kicked him in the shin. It was very amusing. Sebastian's been coming to pray with her, Isabela read you dirty stories, Aveline's been trying to  _ order _ you to wake up, Merrill just cried, and Varric's been building up your legend.” Anders answered quietly and straightened up, his magic stopping “Ok, that should help a little with the pain. I'll let Orana know to make you something light to eat, you need rest and food,” he looked back at the sleeping elf, “and nothing else for now. Healer's orders. I need to check on my patients in the clinic, I'll be back later. Glad to have you back, Hawke.”  He pat Hawke on the arm as he turned away.

Hawke watched as Anders moved to the chair she was sleeping in. She was back, she was really here.  _ She'll never love you _ he heard his mother's voice and tried to push it away.  _ She's only here because she feels sorry for you. _

Anders said something to Kallian who promptly sprung up and looked at the bed. Her smile grew when she saw Hawke's eyes were open and looking at her. “Be gentle, he's still healing. No exertion.” he chuckled as he left the room.

Kallian nodded and moved to the bed in just a few strides. “Hi.” she said tears brimming in her eyes.  _ She's faking. Who would dare break it off with a man while he was lying in his sick bed. _

Hawke watched her, trying hard to read her face. She looked much the same as when she had left, maybe a little thinner, her hair longer, but that was it. “Hi,” he said with little emotion in his voice.

“I'm so happy you're awake,”  _ it means I don't have to fake for much longer _ , “I missed you so much.”

She reached her hand out to touch his cheek and he moved his face away. Hurt flashed across her face when he did so. He didn't want to pretend, he didn't want to fool himself into thinking she really cared, that she would really return his affection. Clearly she had returned to tell him it was over only to find him here, unconscious. She was just leading him on until he was well enough to take the news.  _ Or she wants something _ his mother said.

“What do you want, Kallian,” he asked gruffer than he had intended.

“I.. I want you to get well. I've missed you, I was so worried Garrett,” she reached for his hand just as he pulled it away. “Oh.”

“I don't need you feeling sorry for me. I can take care of myself, I've done just fine without you hear the last four months.”  _ Let her just end this farce now, less painful. _

“I don't...” she started to say but he didn't want to hear the rest of that sentence.

“Leave,” he said looking away. “I don't want you here.”

“Garrett?”

“Leave!” he yelled.

Her body straightened and her eyes glared at him, her lips tightened into a straight line. She stormed from his room, slamming the door behind her as she left. Good. It was better this way, a clean break. Less heartache in the long run. At least that's what he tried to convince himself. It was done, she'd say her goodbyes to the others and be gone from town before he was up and about.

He heard padding in the hall, and the door opened, Orana to bring up the food Anders mentioned. Except it wasn't Orana, it was Kallian carrying the tray. She placed it on top of the bed and glared at him. “Eat, you ass.” She then walked back to the door, pausing before she left, her hand on the handle, she spoke without turning around. “I'm sorry about your mother,” she said quietly, walking out the door without waiting for his reply, but not slamming it shut this time.

***

“Can I come in?”

Fenris looked to the doorway of his room to see Kallian standing there holding two bottles of wine. She looked smaller somehow. “You are always welcome here. You don't need to ask,” he nodded.

She handed him a bottle and joined Fenris on the floor where he had been reading. “I'm glad to see you decided to keep up your lessons.”

Fenris nodded, placing the book to the side. “You look upset, has Hawke still not woken?”

“He's awake, Anders said he just needs to rest.” she played with the bottle in her hands.

Fenris raised an eyebrow, “Then why are you here? Not that I don't enjoy the company.”

“The minute he was awake he yelled at me, told me to leave.” the tears she'd been holding back broke free and she leaned along Fenris as he wrapped an arm around her. “I'm sorry, I didn't know where else to go. If I go to Anders he's just going to get all protective and be mad at Hawke, and I don't want to distract Anders from healing him. I got a room at the Hanged-Man, but I just didn't feel like being there.”

“As I said, you are welcome here anytime.” Fenris squeezed his arm around her. “But I do not liking you walking through the town alone.”

“Fenris, I've fought against two High Dragons and an Archdemon, I think I can handle a few pickpockets.” She replied.

Fenris shook his head. “Now that we know Laurant is here, it would be best. He may decide to test his luck should he see you alone.”

Kallian took a long sip of her wine and nodded. “Ok, I promise.” She let out a long sigh. “I guess I was stupid to think Hawke would still be interested in me that way after all this time.”

Fenris shrugged. “I find I still don't understand some things, but that makes little sense to me.”

Kallian nestled in closer to Fenris. “Read to me, it'll be good practice.”

“It's barely more than a child's book,” he answered.

“I don't care, I need the distraction and you need the practice.”

Fenris sighed knowing he wasn't going to win this battle and picked up the book of fairy tales, and began to read them to Kallian. As he did, he became pleased at how little help he needed to ask of her to do so, only needing aid with a few larger words.

***

Kallian read the letter from Zevran, in it he said he expected things to come to a conclusion soon and that if he succeeded, he would write when he was headed back. It included some coin and instructions that should she not hear from him again in a month's time, she should assume something had gone wrong.

She sat back on her bed and stared up at the ceiling saying a silent prayer to the Maker to keep him safe, and that his time in Antiva would prove successful at getting the Crows off his back once and for all. Her thoughts then wandered to Hawke. She had been so worried while away that he would forget her. She was sure she'd driven Nathaniel crazy with her constantly talking about him, but Howe was kind enough never to say so if she was. In fact, Nathaniel had tried to reassure her that she'd be welcome back with open arms.

But it had been just as she feared, not only hadn't he wanted her back, he'd all but shoved her away, yelled at her to leave him alone. Kallian felt like there was a vice on her heart, and she couldn't do anything to stop the sob that broke through. She berated herself for being foolish enough to believe he'd want her back after she'd been gone so long, even if it hadn't been her fault.

While he was unconscious, Anders had told her everything she had missed. When she'd heard of Leandra she had walked to the bed and taken Hawke’s hand, even though she knew he couldn't feel it. She had brushed back his hair telling him how sorry she was. Kallian knew the woman had no warm feelings for her, but she knew Hawke loved his mother dearly. She also knew Leandra was the last of his family, and she felt sorrow for him. She ached that she hadn't been there for him when it had happened, that she hadn't been there to comfort him, to hold him while he cried. She had been knee deep in Darkspawn at the time, but it didn't make that any easier, knowing that he had been in pain and she had not been there for him.

Kallian sobbed on her bed, wondering if that was part of why Hawke hated her so much. That she wasn't there when he needed her the most? That she had let him down so much. He must be so broken, his mother had been his world, and now she was gone. Kallian cried messy, large tears for Hawke, for his loss and heartache.

“Please, forgive me,” she begged the empty room, knowing it would go unanswered. Wishing beyond anything she could turn back time and have been there for him.

***

“I thought maybe you would like some tea, Mistress,” Orana walked into the library carrying a tray.

Kallian was sitting on the couch going through the piles of correspondence that had come to Hawke since his injury. She was dividing it up into piles. She and Hawke hadn't talked since he had kicked her out of his room two days earlier. Anders had said Hawke would be able to leave his bed the next day, so Kallian was trying to keep things running until then. “That would be wonderful, but only if you call me Kalli.” she gave Orana a warm smile.

“I... oh I couldn't Mistress.” Orana objected.

“Sure you can, hear, try it out Ka-lee”

Orana giggled. “Are you... are you sure?”

“Yes, I'm fairly sure that's my name.” Kallian answered which Orana giggled again. “Would you bring some up to Hawke when you are able to?”

Orana nodded. “Yes... Kallie.” she replied, her eyes going wide like a child knowing they were getting away with breaking the rules, causing Kallian to smile at her.

Bodhan entered the room as Orana was leaving. “The others are here as you requested, my lady.”

“Thanks Bodhan,” she gave him a warm smile. It felt good to see him and Sandal again, something familiar from long ago. She gathered up the piles and handed one to him. “These are personal letters to Hawke, see that he gets them please. And these are matters that can wait, you can put them back on his desk. Send everyone in on your way out.”

Bodhan nodded and left. A moment later Fenris, Sebastian, Isabela and Varric entered.

“Thanks all of you for helping.” Kallian said. “I don't want Hawke to overexert himself while he's still healing. The more of these we can handle, the less he'll feel pressure to get out there before he's ready.”

“Hawke has helped all of us at some point, besides, I definitely owe him,” Isabela replied, the others nodded.

“He has a long list here. I put back anything that's not urgent, and can wait. Varric, these are invitations to receptions and such. Can you go through them? Determine which are important enough for Hawke to attend, assuming he's well enough, and write a letter of apology to those he can't?”

Varric nodded, “It'd be my pleasure.”

“Thanks. Isabela, look into these, maybe bring Merrill?” Isabela nodded and began looking through the letters she was handed and gave Kallian a hug before leaving.

“Varric, I think these might be up your alley. And there's one there that Anders would want to help with. It seems Meredith is looking to take over with the power void left by the Viscount's death. See if maybe Aveline will help too?” Kallian asked him.

Varric nodded, “I'll talk to Blondie and catch up with you at dinner,” he said as he left.

“The rest I thought the three of us could work together on. Everything else, like I said, can wait.” She handed letters to both Sebastian and Fenris. She'd been careful not to pick any jobs that would involve mages, knowing it would result in arguing with them both.

“Are you sure, lass? You wouldn't rather stay here and make sure Hawke is alright? Fenris and I could handle these.” Sebastian asked.

Kallian shook her head, “He's made it clear he doesn't really want me hanging around. At this point, I'm just trying to help the city.”

Sebastian tried to hide his reaction. How could Hawke  _ not _ want her around. How could anyone not want her nearby. The mage was a fool if this was true. “We welcome the help then. I was hoping, perhaps I might ask you a favor, alone?” He asked her.

Kallian nodded, “Fen, why don't you check on Hawke, you can walk me back to the Hanged-Man after.”

“I would be happy to do so,” Sebastian replied to which Fenris nodded saying he would meet up with her at the bar later.

Kallian took a last sip of the tea and then gathered up her items and followed Sebastian out the front door. They walked in silence for a few minutes before Sebastian spoke.

“Fenris seems concerned about you not moving around town alone,” he commented.

“One of those templars you think don't hurt mages is in Kirkwall,” Kallian replied cooly.

Sebastian flinched. He regretted having ever said anything like that to her.

Before he could apologize, she changed the subject. “You said you needed help?”

“I have discovered who hired the Flint Company. The Harimanns, a noble family in Kirkwall. They were friends of my family, I donah understand why they would do such a thing, but I can't let this rest. Would you help me look into this?” He asked as they walked down the steps to Lowtown.

“Of course, Sebastian. Maybe Fenris and Anders if that's alright?” she asked and he nodded. Even though he had hoped to work alone with her, he realized having the others along made sense.

“I will let you know when there is opportunity for us to get into the estate,” Sebastian replied. “Thank you.”

They walked in silence for a little longer until they reached the Hanged-Man. Sebastian held open the door and stepped aside to let her enter ahead of him. He followed her through the main room, “You seem to be carrying worry with you,” he said quietly so others wouldn't hear.

She looked up at him as they stepped back towards the guest rooms. “The fight in the Keep, it brought back a lot of old memories. Not good ones.” She leaned against the wall looking at the ground.

“Alistair?” Sebastian asked, taking a guess to which she nodded. Sebastian took her hand in his, grateful for the chance to just touch her again. Ever since the day of the Arishok's attack, he'd wanted to just feel her touch again, no matter how small. “Would it bring you comfort if I prayed for his soul in the Fade?”

Kallian shook her head, when she looked up there were tears in her eyes. “It would be a waste of your words.” his thumb ran along the back of her hand trying to provide her reassurance. “When the Archdemon is killed, it consumes the soul of the Warden that strikes it down. There's nothing left at all.”

Sebastian ran the back of his hand along her cheek, brushing away the tears that fell. “Then I will pray for you to find some peace instead.”

“Thank you, Sebastian,” she squeezed his hand. “I'd like that.”

The rogue gave her a warm smile, his hand still brushing along her cheek, his other hand continued to hold hers,  his thumb pressing circles along the back of her hand. He watched her closely, wishing he could stop her tears.  All he had to do was move a few inches and he would be kissing her.  The thought of doing so nearly made him dizzy.  Her eyes looked up into his and Sebastian’s breath caught in his throat, enraptured by the blue eyes looking at him.  A throat cleared down the hall and they turned to see Varric standing there. “Join me for lunch, Blaze?” Kallian nodded, letting go of Sebastian's hand and walked into Varric's room. Once she had passed him, Varric raised his eyebrow at Sebastian but said nothing before turning to return to his room.


	14. The Dance

**Chapter 14**

Fenris looked at the vendor table in front of him, his eyes wide with excitement. “Are you sure we can only choose one?”

“It's all I can afford right now, besides one is plenty. Just choose,” Kallian playfully hip checked him.

“I am a violent warrior, you should not trifle with me mage,” Fenris replied, his voice teasing.

“Just pick a pie out so we can eat it, warrior,” she rolled her eyes at him. He finally selected a strawberry one. “You're worse than Alistair was with cheese, you know.”

“I will consider that a compliment,” he grinned, carrying their purchase.

They were in front of Fenris' mansion when Kallian felt the brush of fingers along her arm. She turned to see Sebastian, who picked up her hand and placed a soft kiss to the back of it. “Lass.”

“I'll be inside.” Fenris nodded, thinking they needed to talk alone.

“Don't eat all that pie without me, elf” she warned him.

“You cannot tell me what to do, mage,” he growled at her as he shut the door behind him.

“I don't think I've ever seen Fenris so...playful,” Sebastian commented with a smile. “I came to ask you a favor, my lady.”

“What do you need?” she asked.

“There is a ball in a week's time. There will be several nobles from Starkhaven there, I plan to attend, see who would support me retaking the throne.” Sebastian explained. “I was wondering if you'd do me the honor of accompanying me.”

“So you've decided to take your rule?” she asked.

Sebastian shook his head. “I have not decided yet, but it would be good to get the lay of the land.”

“Won't it hurt your chances being seen with an elf?” Kallian cocked her head.

“Nae.” Sebastian replied. “In Starkhaven elves are treated better than here. There they are equals, no one from there would bat an eye. If they are watching you, it is because of your beauty.”

Kallian blushed slightly at his compliment. “Well, then Sebastian, I would be honored.” she smiled up at him. He took her hand again, placing another kiss, this time his lips lingered as he held her gaze.

“It is I that am honored, lass.” he said softly, brushing back a tuft of hair from her shoulder.

“I...” she stammered, “I need to get in there before Fenris eats the whole pie. He thinks it would hurt his reputation if anyone knew what a sweet tooth he has.”

Sebastian chuckled, “His secret's safe with me. I shall see you soon.” He walked back to the Chantry knowing he had a long night of praying ahead of him to make up for the thoughts running through his head of her on his arm at the ball.

***

“Is this really all the requests for help?” Hawke asked flipping through the letters on the front desk. He'd been mobile for nearly two weeks and was eager to finally get back out and find a fight to get the blood pumping. Cards at the Hanged-Man and shopping trips with Merrill were not filling his quota of excitement.

“The Lady Kallian took care of the rest, Messere,” Bodhan explained.

“She did what?” Hawke asked confused.

“She wrangled all of us into running all over Kirkwall.” Varric chuckled as he entered. “She used all her Warden-Commander talents to direct us. Better be careful, Hawke, or we might just start following Blaze around instead. She's already paying Broody off with pies.”

Hawke raised an eyebrow, “I'm not sure what that means? Pies?”

“Turns out slaves aren't given sweets. She's opened up a whole new world to the elf. You best find some work for him soon before he starts packing on the weight.” Varric chuckled.

“Did she tell you to make me go to this ball too? You're getting to be as bad as my mother with these invites.” Hawke held up several colorful envelopes.

“No, Hawke. That's all on you. You can't go making yourself Champion of Kirkwall and expect the area hoity toities to not notice. You just became the most desired bachelor in all of the Free Marches,” Varric commented. “This'll make a great addition to my book.”

“I better get an advanced copy,” Hawke mumbled as he looked through the letters. “Fine, I don't know,” he rubbed the back of his neck. “Do you think I could get Isabela to wear a dress that actually covers enough to be respectable.”

“Ravaini? I thought you asked Blaze?” Varric looked confused. “She needed help finding a dress, I assumed it was to go with you to this.”

Hawke shook his head, “I haven't talked with her in over two weeks.”

Varric gave him a look he couldn't quite read but said nothing. “I think your chances are better getting Broody in a dress than Ravaini to cover up.”

Hawke nodded, “You then. You are so hot on me going to this, you need to suffer too.”

His threat backfired, as Varric looked delighted. “I'm taking notes for sure.”

***

Anders closed the door to the clinic and turned to join Kallian at the table. She handed him a sandwich she had bought for them from the market. Anders slid onto the bench next to her and pulled her into a hard hug.

“Ugh,” she said when he let go. “Plan on stopping that anytime soon?”

Anders shook his head. “You left me thinking you had died out there, and you came back. You can suffer through some hugs.” he winked at her while taking a bite of his lunch. “Remind me to thank Zevran for the coin he gave you. I haven't eaten so well in months.”

Kallian gave him a warm smile and started in on her food. She seemed lost in thought and after a few minutes put down her sandwich to talk to him.

“Anders?”

“No, you cannot have my cookie.”

“Not that, prat.” she laughed. “Have you ever been in love?”

Anders shrugged, “Not really. I was never anywhere long enough since the Circle to build a relationship. And now he,” Anders pointed to his head, “thinks such things are a distraction. I gave up that part of my life when we joined. Why do you ask?”

She picked at her food. “I was just wondering if we only get one shot, and that's it. Like maybe Alistair was my one shot and I don't get another.”

Anders studied her for a minute. “Trouble in paradise? You need me to talk to Hawke?”

“No, in fact I'd prefer if you didn't,” she replied. She hated keeping anything from him, but Hawke was one of his best friends and she didn't want to jeopardize that. She wanted Anders to have that friendship so that he wasn't alone whenever Zevran came back to collect her.

Anders shrugged, “Ok, but no, I think you get more than one.”

Kallian said nothing but leaned her head on his arm and rested while they finished their meal.

***

Sebastian felt like he would melt right on the carpet when he saw Kallian glide down the stairwell of Fenris' mansion. She had requested he meet her there, not wanting to ruin her dress on the floor of the Hanged-Man.

She wore a floor length black sleeveless dress with a billow skirt that cinched at the waist. The bodice was also black, with a design of flowers in the pattern. She looked at Sebastian and gave him a warm smile. He was dressed in dark blue britches and a matching vest over a white, billowy shirt. The way he looked at her, she couldn't help but blush. His eyes seemed darker, and if he wasn't a Chantry Brother, she wondered if they would even make it as far as the ball.

“You are extraordinary, lass,” he said as he kissed her hand, placing it in the crook of his arm. “You will be the envy of every woman there.”

They entered the ballroom and she could feel several eyes upon her.  Some just seemed interested in seeing who ‘Prince Vael’ as he had been introduced as, had brought.  She caught murmurs of awe as others recognized her as the Hero.  And still there were others who clearly were put out that an elf would dare attend the ball as a guest, and not a servant.  It was the last group that was making her the most uncomfortable and she started to wonder if this was a mistake.

Sensing her getting fidgety, Sebastian took her hand and led her to the dance floor.  As they started to dance he watched her start to relax.  She looked up in his eyes and he smiled, hoping to convey calm to her even though his heart seemed to have picked up a fast tempo.  “Pay them no mind.” He said quietly so that only she could hear.  He was rewarded with a sigh that released the tension he felt in her body.

The dance progressed and he found he couldn’t take his eyes off of hers.  He was lost in the deep blue of them.  She fit so well in his arms, he thought, and without thinking about it, his hand around her waist moved gently along her back.  He felt a small shiver run through her when it brushed along her spine.  She moved slightly closer in response and he suddenly felt very light.  

Sebastian tried to lecture himself.  He was a Brother, for Makers sake.  These thoughts were a sin, but the more he tried  _ not  _ to think about that shiver and what other reactions he could get from her with just a few touches, the harder it was to stop thinking about just that.

As the dance ended he cursed the loss of her in his arms as she stepped back from him.  He took her hand and led her to a Starkhaven Duke he wanted to talk to.  A servant passed with a tray of champagne glasses.  Sebastian took one and handed it to Kallian.  “For nerves,” he winked at her and felt more than a little pride at the blush she responded with.

“Duke Camran,” Sebastian nodded to the tall noble.  He had long red hair pulled back in a tail, with a moustache and no beard.  The man had kind eyes, which lit up in recognition of Sebastian.

“My Prince,” he bowed slightly, “It is good to see you well.  There were rumors and your fate was unknown.  To see you alive and well, and with a beautiful woman on your arm,” the man chuckled, “does my heart good.”

Kallian relaxed more, some from the drink and some from realizing this man saw her as any other woman, not a  _ lowly elf _ .

“Allow me to introduce the Lady Kallian Surana,” Sebastian introduced her.

Duke Camran’s eyes grew wide with recognition.  “My lady, the honor is mine. “ he placed a chaste kiss to her hand and nodded.  “I hear rumor you plan to take back your throne.” He looked at Sebastian.

Sebastian moved his hand to Kallian’s back and she relaxed against him as he spoke with the Duke.  His hand drew lazy circles along the exposed skin of her back and he tried again in vain not to think about how sinfully good it felt just to touch her and how he never wanted to stop.  He wondered to himself if she’d object if he tried to kiss her when the night was over.

***

Hawke threw back a drink. Maker he hated these parties. At least no one was trying to set him up at this one. Still, having to shake one more hand might cause him to snap. Varric, however, seemed to be making good use of the night, securing business contacts and possible investments for them both.

Varric approached Hawke and took a look at his current state. “I guess you're about ready to go?”

Hawke nodded, “I've done the nice-nice with these people. The tavern is more my scene.”

“Alright, give me five and we'll head out,” Varric nodded and walked off as someone waved at him.

Hawke heard a laugh from across the room that attracted his attention. He took a large gulp seeing her, in the black dress with a low cut back, her blonde hair hanging down. She was facing away from him, surrounded by several nobles all in conversation. Next to her stood someone with a hand resting at the small of her back. He felt the pang of jealousy for a moment, before it turned to anger as he realized the man was Sebastian.

She was here with the would be Prince. To Hawke it was further proof that she had been toying with him. It had only taken her a few weeks to be on the arm of Sebastian. A Prince was certainly higher up the food chain than a Champion. And apparently she had a type, given this would be her second prince. He threw back another drink, anger settling into his belly that he'd allowed her to fool him so easily.

***

Sebastian ran his bare fingers along the small of her back. He tipped his hand down towards her ear. “Shall we depart, lass?” he said softly to which she nodded.

Tonight had been a success. He'd secured several possible alliances, and a few that were uneasy, Kallian had managed to win over with her charm. As he led her to the exit he wondered what she would have been like as Ferelden's Queen. She seemed to have a natural ability to win over people. She would have been a fine Queen. He wondered if perhaps she would be an equally good Princess.

Kallian placed one hand in the crook of his arm and they walked out into the cool night air. Sebastian stopped and removed his jacket, setting it across her shoulders. He could feel a slight shiver in response to his touch when he brushed her hair from out of the coat, and it filled him with a masculine pride, even though he knew it could never go further. To do so would be against his vows. His lustful thoughts were already going to earn him a day of nothing but prayer. As they continued their walk, he couldn't tear his eyes from her and his mind began to build up a fantasy of him taking back his throne with her at his side. The Prince and the Hero would be a powerful alliance.

They walked in silence for most of the way. Sebastian relished the feeling of her holding onto him, her head leaning against his arm as they worked their way towards Lowtown. For the short journey he allowed himself to pretend he wasn't a Brother and that she really could be his. All too soon for his liking they were reaching the tavern.

“I thank you again for tonight,” Sebastian took her hand in his and made circles with his thumb on her hand. “It was a success. And you,” he paused and looked at her with a smile that made her feel as if she was melting. “You are a vision.”

He leaned in close, pressing a soft kiss to her cheek, just beside her ear. “You are beautiful enough to make a man think of forsaking his vows”. He pressed another kiss to her cheek as he heard her gasp, and her hand grab his hand tighter.

Sebastian stepped away with a bow. “Sweet dreams, lass.”

Kallian let out a long breath to calm herself before entering the Hanged-Man. She spotted Anders at a table and was prepared to walk to it until she noticed he was sitting with Hawke. Her eyes quickly moved away from their table and focused only on the path before her to her room. An arm wrapped around her shoulders and she looked over, smiling to see Isabela beside her. “So, tell me all about your night, kitten, and leave out no little detail” the Pirate said.


	15. A Confession

Kallian looked over the staves at the merchant's booth in the Hightown market. Hers had been damaged fighting a mercenary group the day before with Sebastian and Fenris. Varric had placed several pieces of silver in her hand that morning and insisted she buy a new one. “Blondie would be very displeased if something were to happen to you.” he had teased when she tried to hand it back.

“While you were gone, I discovered I may have a sister,” Fenris said quietly to her as she was looking. He had waited until Isabela was out of earshot to speak.

Kallian turned her head to look at him, “That's good news.” she cocked her head noting the expression on his face. “Isn't it?”

“I am...uncertain.” he seemed to be thinking. “I am not entirely sure she truly exists. It could be a trap from Danarius.”

“But if there's even the chance it could be true, I think you should look into it. I'm sure Varric could reach out to some of his contacts, ask around without it being traced back to you.” Kallian replied picking up one of the staffs.

Fenris sighed, it hadn't occurred to him to ask anyone else for help, so used to doing it all on his own. “I think I'll do that.”

“Good, I hope I get to meet her someday,” Kallian grinned up at him and handed the merchant some coins having selected an Ironbark staff.

They turned from the stall, walking towards where Isabela was trying to persuade a merchant to give her a deal on some scarves. Kallian turned hearing her name called out to see Sebastian waving to them both.

“Fenris, hello,” Sebastian nodded to the man and picked up Kallian's hand bringing it to his lips to press a soft kiss to it. “And good morning to you, lass.”

Kallian gave him a warm smile, “Good morning, Sebastian.”

“I was hoping to run into you both today,” Sebastian explained. “I've been keeping an eye out, and I think tonight would be a good opportunity to get a better look at the Harimann estate.”

Kallian looked up at Fenris who nodded. “Ok, I'll get Anders tonight and we'll go.”

“I thank you, lass. I need to meet with the Grand Cleric. Until tonight,” he touched Kallian's arm gently, moving his hand down it before stepping away.

“He seems very touchy for a Chantry Brother,” Isabela chuckled as she joined the other two.

“I'm sure he's just being friendly,” Kallian answered.

“Uh-huh. That's why he's at the Hanged-Man every day.  To be friendly.” She put her arm around Kallian. “Come on, let's see what they have in the marketplace for sweets.”

***

Anders and Kallian walked to the Chantry. Fenris and Sebastian were already waiting out front near the Chanter's' board.

“Thank you both again for this,” Sebastian nodded.

“Shall we?” Kallian motioned for him to lead the way.

It was well past ten, and the streets were empty as the climbed the stairs to where the larger mansions were. Sebastian knelt to pick the lock, but stood a moment later opening the door. “That's strange, it's just left wide open.”

“Be on your guard,” Fenris warned as they entered the front hallway. There were no guards, in fact the estate seemed nearly deserted.

“Something is very wrong here. There should be servants, guards, someone.” Sebastian's voice was full of concern.

They entered what appeared to be a wine cellar to find a woman yelling at no one, demanding more wine. “Flora?” Sebastian asked.

The woman, Flora, appeared not to notice. “I don't think she can see us,” Anders commented. “She seems to be under a spell of some kind.”

“This is most strange, we need to figure out what it going on,” Sebastian answered.

They entered another room to find a man with two elves. He was demanding more gold and talking about dipping the female elf in molten gold. Kallian pulled the woman away from the other elf who had a knife to her throat as Sebastian punched the male elf out. “Run” she said through her teeth, and the female elf didn't need to be told twice.

“Interesting friends you have here,” Kallian commented as they moved from the room.

“We must end this madness,” Sebastian shook his head.

They worked their way upstairs finding a man on the bed, his pants pulled to his knees. An elf was kneeling in front of him, pleasuring him.

“I apologize, Kallian, I did not mean to expose you to this,” Sebastian said embarrassed.

Anders covered Kallian's eyes with his hand. “You shouldn't be looking at this.”

“Ugh, stop being such a big brother. It's not like I haven't see this before.” Kallian batted at his hand. “It's not like I haven't even done that before.”

“I don't want to hear that,” Anders grimaced. Fenris chuckled at them and Sebastian tried not to blush at the images that flashed through his mind.

“Come on, maybe we can find something in the basement. Everyone here acts like they can't see us.” Kallian suggested.

In the furthest reaches of the ruins under the basement they found the Lady Harimann bowing before a Desire demon. “You must give me more.”

“I have given you what you asked for, you have little more that I crave.” The demon replied, looking up and seeing the new arrivals.

“Ah. But you all, you have something. You, you want to be free from a man that seeks to enslave you again. I could give you your freedom,” the demon offered Fenris.

“You have nothing I want, demon,” Fenris snarled.

Anders turned Kallian to face him, noticing a bad burn on her arm from the rage demon they had faced earlier. He began to heal her as the demon turned her attentions on Sebastian. “What of you? Is it power? I could offer you your place on the throne of Starkhaven,” her voice smooth.

“You cannae tempt me with what is already rightfully mine, demon,” Sebastian countered.

“Ahh, no, that is not what is in your heart. Lust. You desire that which belongs to another. I could make her yours, she would submit to your every wish, you just need to give me what I want.” the demon offered as she looked at Kallian. Anders was so focused on healing her arm that he hadn't noticed.

Sebastian shook his head, “I would never want her that way. You have nothing you can offer me, demon. You die.”

***

As the last shade fell, Sebastian let out a sigh. “Let us return to the Chantry, I must pray for Lady Harimann's soul.”

They were stopped on the way out by Flora. She apologized for their family's betrayal of the Vaels. She made an offer of financial support to Sebastian, should he decide to take back the Starkhaven throne. He nodded, but said nothing about her offer.

Once in front of the Chantry courtyard, Sebastian turned to face the others. “Thank you again, my friends. It brings only a little comfort, but I know now that my family's murder is avenged.”

Fenris nodded but said nothing, shifting his feet. Anders seemed to still be agitated by the demon and only grunted a reply.

“I'm glad we could be of help,” Kallian answered. Sebastian gave her a small smile and turned to enter the Chantry.

“I don't know about you, but I could use a drink,” Kallian sighed as Anders nodded walking with her and Fenris to the Hanged-Man.

They entered the tavern and Fenris found Isabela, and the two of them walked back to Varric's room.

“I want another look at that arm.   It should be healing better. ” Anders said, directing her to a back table. Once they sat, he pulled out a balm from his bag and applied it to the wound. “Better?”. Kallian nodded and gave him a smile.

Norah, the barmaid, approached and they ordered stew, deciding to eat before joining the others for cards.

“I remember the first time I tried casting a fireball. I set poor Sole's sleeve on fire,” Kallian laughed.

Anders chuckled at the memory, and soon the two were sharing other stories from their youth.

As they were finishing their meal, Sebastian approached them. “Could I have a word with you, lass?” he asked.

She nodded, “Meet you in Varric's in a few?” she said to Anders who got up and nodded,  shooting a displeased look at Sebastian that Kallian missed.  Sebastian sat on the other side of her. He straddled the bench so that he was facing her, his hands folded together in his lap.

“I have told the Grand Enchanter of my decision to rescind my vows. It is clear now that Starkhaven needs me. I've sent word to my contacts to gather support, I won't risk taking back the throne until I know I have enough backing, I cannah put my people at risk of a civil war.” He told her, looking at his hands.

“You'd be a fine ruler,” Kallian said to him , taking one of his hands in hers .

He looked at her hand in his, and squeezed it gently. “About what the demon said...” he started to say.

“It's ok, Sebastian, I know they can twist things.”  His thumb brushed along her knuckles as he watched their hands for a moment.

Sebastian shook his head, “Nae. What it said, it is the truth, I just dinnae mean for you to hear it that way.” his free hand touched her cheek and he moved closer, his lips brushing on hers. His hand moved from her cheek around to the back of her head and he pressed his lips harder to hers. She didn't pull away and Sebastian used the hand that held her to pull her closer as he ran his tongue over her lips, plunging in when she parted them in a sigh.

As he pulled away, his thumb ran along her cheek, “Kallian,” he said softly and pressed another soft kiss to her lips .

She looked down and moved away slightly, “I'm sorry, Sebastian. I... it's too soon, I'm sorry,” she squeezed his hand before letting go. She rose and moved to the stairs.

Anders was waiting for her when she got to the top. “That hardly looked like a kiss from a Chantry Brother.” he sounded annoyed.

“He's rescinded his vows. He plans to take back his throne.” she answered looking up at him.

“Well he can do it without needing to kiss you. I don't like the idea of you and him, he sees nothing wrong with the Circle,” Anders raised his hand in the direction that Sebastian was moving in, towards the tavern exit.

“Well it's not your decision.” Kallian crossed her arms and stared up at him with a defiant gleam in her eyes.

“What about Hawke?” Anders asked accusingly.

“He wants nothing to do with me.” she replied, her voice softening, almost sad.

“What?” Anders raised an eyebrow. That made no sense at all.

“He said to stay away from him and leave him alone. He made it quite clear he wanted nothing to do with me.” she explained. “It doesn't matter. I received a letter from Zevran this morning. He'll be here in a few weeks and I can move on.”

Anders looked at her with shock. That couldn't be right, Hawke had been pining over her the whole time she had been gone. He let out a sigh. “I have something to take care of. I'll see you later tonight.” Kallian watched as he walked into Varric's room, Varric following him out a moment later.

***

Hawke flipped through a book, looking for a recipe of his mother's for Orana. He looked up when he heard Bodhan arguing with someone. “The Master doesn't wish to be disturbed Messere.”

“I don't care,” Anders growled opening the door to the library, Varric at his side.

Hawke looked up to see his friend looking rather agitated. “What is it Anders? I'm really not in the mood for cards tonight.”

“I came to see if you scrambled your brains when you were injured. It's either that or you're the biggest idiot in all of Thedas.” Anders snapped.


	16. The Biggest Idiot in Thedas

****“What did you just call me?” Hawke raised an eyebrow.

“I said you're an idiot. You told Kalli that you didn't want her and to stay away? What in the Maker is wrong with you?” Anders crossed his arms looking at him.

“She was only sticking around because she found me injured when she returned. I don't want her staying with me out of pity.” Hawke put the book down, as he explained to Anders.

“What in Andraste's ass are you talking about?” Anders raised an eyebrow, clearly trying hard not to yell.

“I don't need her pretending she has feelings for me because it would look bad to leave me when I was unconscious.” Hawke stated. “It's clear she stayed away for so long because she didn't want anything more to do with me.”

“I was right, you _are_ the biggest idiot in Thedas.” Anders growled at him as he moved closer..

Hawke looked at Varric who shrugged, “Blondie has a point.”

“Did you even _try_ talking to her before you made up this moronic story in your head? No, of course not, otherwise you wouldn't be saying these stupid things.” Anders began to pace. “I'm beginning to think I was wrong, maybe she is better off with Sebastian.”

“What does that mean? Sebastian? What does he have to do with any of this?” Hawke tried to catch up.

“Sebastian rescinded his vows tonight and the first thing that he thought to do right after was track down Kalli and kiss her, so what do you think that means?” Anders glared at him.

“Choir boy has been coming to the Hanged-Man pretty much every day, and I doubt it's for the stew,” Varric added.

Hawke shook his head, “It still doesn't change anything.”

“No, of course not, because you made up some story in your addled mind,” Anders poked Hawke in the forehead, and then began pacing. “She's in love with you, you idiot. When the Arishok struck you down she screamed to the Maker. I have little doubt it was Denerim all over again to her. She thought you were dead.” Anders threw his hands around while he moved.

“You nearly did, Hawke. We had to peel her off of you to let Blondie heal,” Varric explained.

“She...she was there?” Hawke asked.

“Yes, and she stared down the Templars to keep you safe while I tried to save your life. You know who Laurant is?” Anders asked. Hawke nodded, “She went toe to toe with him to keep you safe.”

Hawke collapsed into a chair. If she had been there to see him fight, it meant she was there before he was injured. And she had protected him. “That still doesn't explain why she was gone so long.”

“If you had just bothered to ask her instead of yelling at her and sending her away she would have told you there was a Darkspawn attack. Her and Nathaniel and some Wardens in the area battled to keep a local village safe. She didn't _want_ to be away that long, she had no choice.” Anders stopped pacing and looked at him.

“Maker, I am stupid,” Hawke put his head in his hands.

“Well feel bad about it later. You better do something now, otherwise if you don't lose her to Sebastian, it'll be when she leaves in a few weeks. Her friend that she normally travels with is on his way back to town. She intends to leave with him when he gets here. If you want her, you better do something about it.” Anders crossed his arms watching him.

Hawke looked up to see them both watching him expectantly. “She's in love with me?” he asked.

Anders pinched his nose with his fingers and squinted his eyes shut. “If that's all you got out of what I just said you haven't been paying attention.”

“I think what Blondie's trying to say is the longer you sit there, the more chance you have of losing her to the Prince.” Varric raised an eyebrow.

“I...I need to go,” Hawke said, rising from the chair.

“About bloody time,” Anders threw his hands to the air.

***

“Can I talk to you for a minute?” Hawke asked.

Kallian looked up from the table where she, Fenris and Isabela had been playing cards. She nodded and walked past him, leading him back to her room. Once the door was shut she looked at him, “You wanted to talk, so talk.”  She was clearly annoyed.  Not the reaction he’d been hoping for, but one he knew he deserved.

“I.. I came to apologize. I made some assumptions that I shouldn't have. I made a mess of everything. I should have just talked to you.” Hawke said.

“Yes, you should have,” she watched him, hopeful.

“I'm sorry, I pushed you away. I should have asked you to stay instead of to leave. I hurt you, and now I've made a mess of everything and Sebastian...” Hawke continued.

“Sebastian? Oh let me guess, Anders went running to you didn’t he?  You're here because Anders went running to you to tell you Sebastian kissed me, is that it? Tell me, if he hadn't kissed me would you even be standing here talking to me?” she sounded angry, this was not going in the direction he had hoped.

“I don't know I...” Hawke tried to explain.

“No, you're not here because you want me back, you're here because you're jealous. Someone else is interested in me and you're jealous. You know what, you can stick your apology in your ass, I don't need it.” Kallian yelled at him and stormed out, slamming the door behind her.

Hawke collapsed on the bed. It had all fallen through his fingers, like trying to hold onto sand. He had let it all crumble. He wiped his hand over his face.

The door slammed open again and he stood immediately as she reentered, slamming the door again behind her.

“Oh, you have some nerve. You don't talk to me for weeks, tell me you don't care and then think you can just waltz in here and make it alright? Did you ever even think once what it was like for me while I was gone? Even once?” She paced, throwing him dirty glances.

“I...”

“Of course you didn't. You don't care at all how much I missed you. How the longer we were kept away the more I worried that I'd come back to find you'd moved on. You didn't think once what it was like for me to not be able to eat I missed you so much. Does it even matter to you how many times I cried myself to sleep these last three weeks? Did you even think about me at all until Anders opened his big mouth today?” She shouted at him.

“I did, I...”

“Whatever, I'm done with this!” She growled and stormed out again, the poor door once again taking the brunt of her anger.

Hawke plopped back down onto the bed. She was done with him. She'd missed him just as much if not more than he had missed her and he had managed to screw it up. Anders was right, he was the biggest idiot in all of Thedas. He willed back the tears in his eyes, he didn't want the tavern to see him crying, he could hold off until he got home. His could actually feel his heart breaking into pieces realizing it was over. Done before it had ever really started.

The door slammed open again and he again leapt up. She threw it closed.

“Did you even consider what it was like for me to see you fall? It was Alistair all over again, I was standing there once again watching the man I love die in front of me and not being able to do anything about it. Did you even think what that was like for me? Maker, I even cried for you losing your Mother. I couldn't breath for a week, waiting to see if you'd even wake up. And then you did and it was my worst nightmare. You really didn't want me, you told me to leave, that you didn't need me.” she looked at him with tears in her eyes.

“I'm sorry. Little dragon, I'm so sorry,” he walked towards her.

“Don't,” she waved an arm in the air. “Don't try getting out of this by calling me that.”

He replayed what she had told him about the Arishok's fight, and his eyes opened with the realization of what she had said. He stepped closer and she took a step away. “Say it again.”

“No,” she said, moving away as he took another step towards her.

“Yes.” he countered, stepping closer. She stepped back, her back hitting the door. He reached over and locked the door, his eyes still locked onto hers. “Tell me how you feel.”

“No, you don't deserve it. You didn't even care about me until you heard someone else did.” she looked down.

He took her chin in his hand and tilted her head up. “I am so sorry, my little dragon. I hurt you and I am so incredibly sorry. I will spend every day of my sorry life trying to make it up to you. I love you, Kalli” he didn't wait for her reply as he moved his head down, his lips crashing to hers.

Her hands flew around his head, one gripping his hair, the other sliding up and down his neck holding him close as she opened her mouth to him. Hawke stepped closer and she could feel his desire press on her stomach. Hawke bent down slightly and picked up her legs as he pressed her further against the door. He pressed his hips into her, his mouth pressing heated kisses to her neck as his hips gyrated into hers.

Kallian moaned loudly as the hand in his hair pulled him closer, her other scrabbling for purchase. He made a slow path of heated kisses up to her ear. “I love you,” he repeated and she whimpered in response as he pushed his hips into her at the same time.

“Garrett, please,” she begged him.

He held her up with one arm while his other hand moved between up her thigh and under her robes. When he moved to her smalls it was his turn to moan at how wet she already was. He slipped his hand under the waistband and found her so ready for him. He pushed one, then two fingers inside of her and her head fell back against the door as she moaned out his name. His thumb found her clit and she cried out a sob. “Maker.”

He began to nibble at her throat as his fingers moved in and out, fucking her. “Mine,” he snarled as he left a mark on her throat. She nodded her agreement, her mouth hung open as she grabbed his shoulders tightly.

“Garrett... oh, please, Garrett,” she cried out, and he felt her tighten around his fingers as she came, her fingernails digging into his arms as she cried out.

He turned and playfully tossed her on the bed before stalking over to her. “I am going to show you just what I've been thinking of doing to you while you were gone for four months,” he promised, his eyes dark with need.

Her breathing sped up as she watched him remove his robe while kicking off his boots. She pulled off her robe as he reached down and slowly removed her shoes. He looked at her, in just her smalls and a breast band and she felt herself tingle between her legs just from the heat of his stare. Hawke knelt beside the bed and reached up, sliding her smalls off her legs. Before she could say anything he grabbed her hips and yanked her to the edge of the bed. “I intend to show you just how much I want you.  I’ll make you forget about any other men.” he said and pressed his lips to her clit. His tongue lapping at it.

She threw her head back and cried out not caring how many people in the tavern could hear them. She grasped the bedding by her head and felt that pull again at her abdomen. His tongue continued his assault on her clit as he pressed two fingers in her once again, bending them slightly to run along the sensitive spot inside her.

“Garrett, Oh Maker, Garrett,” she thrashed her head back and forth, feeling a pulsing between her thighs knowing it signaled another upcoming orgasm. “Please Garrett, oh Maker.”

Her cries only seemed to urge him on as his fingers moved faster, he added a third and sucked on her clit. Kallian arched her back as she came screaming. This one more powerful than the last.

Once she caught her breath she reached for him, he was watching her still from the edge of the bed, wiping her juices from his face as he dropped his smalls. “I love you, Garrett.” she said, her declaration turning into a moan as he entered her fully.

Hawke didn't move at first, instead lying on top of her, he brushed the hair from her face as he watched her eyes. “Say it again,” he said.

“I love you,” she said and he pulled out and slammed back into her as she did.

“Again,” he repeated.

“I love you,” she cried out as he again slammed into her.

“I love you too, Kalli,” he kissed her and began to move, pumping in and out of her at a fast rhythm, neither of them wanting to wait. Hawke's hands moved to her hips holding her in place as he moved in and out picking up speed. “Fuck.” he said breathlessly. His nose rested above her breasts as he closed his eyes and continued to move. Too soon and yet not soon enough he could feel her insides grip him and she arched again calling out his name like a prayer. Her feet dug into his back. A few seconds later he tumbled over the edge and spilled into her.

Hawke flipped onto his back and pulled out of her. He reached over and pulled her close to him. “Am I forgiven?” he asked as he kissed her head.

“I'm not sure yet. I think you need to apologize like that a few more times.” she tilted her head up to him and kissed him.

\-----

From the amazing frank-a-lank (frank-a-lank.tumblr.com):


	17. Reconnecting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mainly just smut

**** “You're hair got longer. I like it,” Hawke ran a hand through it. “Will you keep it?”

Kallian nodded. She held his other hand in one of hers and was brushing her thumb along his. Hawke leaned in slightly to give her a soft kiss.

“You two are so darn cute,” Isabela spoke up and Kallian blushed, having forgotten that they weren't alone at the table.

She took a drink of her wine and tried to cover up a happy giggle when Hawke pulled her closer to him and kissed her cheek. She blushed when he whispered “I love you” into her ear.

Sebastian entered carrying several flowers in his hand. He took one look at the table in the back and his face dropped. Hawke had his arm possessively around Kallian's waist and his nose was buried in her hair.

“Hi,” Merrill bounced up to him as cheerful as always. “Oh, those are pretty.”

“Then they are for you,” he smiled at her as she happily took them. “I have to be somewhere, have a blessed day, Merrill.” He nodded to her and then left.

Merrill bounded up to the table and sat next to Isabela. “Look at what Sebastian gave me, aren't they beautiful?” she asked Isabela who nodded, looking at Kallian out of the corner of her eye.

“Sebastian was here,” Kallian bit her lip and then looked at Hawke, feeling guilty.

“Go talk to him if you need,” Hawke reassured her with a squeeze of his hand. She nodded and exited the tavern.

Once outside she looked around and saw him disappearing into a crowd, seeming to be headed towards Hightown. She weaved her way through the other Kirkwall residents and finally caught up to him just before he approached the stairs.

“Sebastian,” she said as she touched his hand. She worried if she'd see anger on his face, but when he turned to look at her, he held her hand and there was nothing but kindness, if not a little hurt, there.

“Lass,” he smiled at her and gave her hand a squeeze.

“I'm sorry,” she sighed, looking at their hands.

“Nae,” he tilted her chin up to look at him. “I knew there was the risk Hawke would come to his senses. If I'm to lose, at least it's to an honorable man and a friend.” he leaned down and kissed her forehead, “I know he will treat you well, that is all I want for you.”

Kallian looked at him with tears in her eyes. “You're a good man, Sebastian. You'll be a good Prince.”

Sebastian gave her hand a squeeze before letting go, and then turned without another word to climb the stairs. Kallian watched him go, the look of sorrow on his face, despite him trying to be kind, had not been lost on her.

She turned around and let out a surprise squeak to see Fenris right there, his arms crossed and an eyebrow raised. “You do not do well with this no running around alone thing, do you?”

She sighed. Part of her wanted to remind him she was a big girl and could take care of herself, but another part remembered that all it took was a well timed smite and Laurant could drag her off without anyone batting an eye at a Templar pulling along a mage. She nodded and then followed him back to the tavern.

***

The last few days had been a whirlwind for Hawke. He finally had her back in his arms and ever since then, everything seemed brighter. When she moved in the battlefield, it seemed to him as if she was dancing. When she laughed or graced him with a smile, it was as if Andraste herself was shining her light upon him. Anders had even teased him that he was going to give Merrill a run for her money as cheeriest resident in Kirkwall.

And he had felt that way, as if all the sorrow from losing his Mother was lifted, he couldn't help but wear a constant smile. At first he tried to temper it around Sebastian, knowing the Prince may be sensitive, but Sebastian had reassured him that he wanted nothing more than the two of them to be happy.

At the moment, however, Hawke was doing everything he could to keep his face as neutral as possible. He was sitting at Varric's table, cards in his hand staring down trying hard to concentrate on what was going on in the game, but failing miserably. Across the way Fenris seemed too relaxed with whatever was in his hand, and Kallian was keeping the same unreadable poker face she always had. It was probably why she always seemed to win most games. The game, however, wasn't what was distracting him. It was the hand moving further and further up his leg.

He did his best not to jump when a pinky ran along his half hard length in his robe. He looked at her out of the corner of his eye but she seemed to just be absorbed in the game, providing no indication that there was anything going on under the table. He bit his lip trying to get himself back into the game at hand.

Then fingernails lightly worked their way up and down him and he let out a cough to cover the moan that wanted to escape. He wasn't sure if she was just trying to distract him from the game or kill him. He was grateful for the robes as he was now painfully hard in his breeches and she appeared to be enjoying it, her fingers continuously moving up and down his hardness, squeezing and rubbing.

“Hawke, you are turning red?” Varric commented.

“Just need a drink,” he squeaked and as if to prove the point slammed the ale in his mug back, slamming it harder than he meant onto the table. “I fold” he announced.

Kallian and Fenris showed their hands, and she smirked as she won yet another round, pulling her coin towards her and into her pouch. Her hands mercifully giving him a chance to breath.

“Congratulations, love,” Hawke smiled at her.

“Thank you. I think I'll sit out the next one,” she said as Varric began to deal the cards. “I need to take care of something.”

She stood up, placing a kiss on Hawke's cheek and whispered softly in his ear, “I want you in my mouth.” she licked his lobe and his hands holding the cards clenched.

“Goodnight,” Kallian said waving to everyone as if she hadn't just said something lewd in Hawke's ear. She left and headed down the hall towards the guest rooms.

Hawke stared at his cards trying to figure out how he was supposed to be expected to concentrate now that all the blood in his body had moved south. Varric tossed in two coins into the pot and then looked at Hawke expectantly. “I fold” he said throwing his cards down and moving out of the room quickly, hearing the chuckles of several of his friends as he left.

Hawke stopped outside of her room, should he knock, should he just bust in? He suddenly wasn't as confident as he had been when he had walked up here. He only had a moment for indecision though, before the door opened enough for an arm to grab him and pull him in.

Once inside the door she had him pressed to the wall, her lips finding his, her nails digging into his hair as she dragged her body against his. Hawke's brain quickly caught up as he grabbed her hips and pulled her closer. When he let out a moan, Kallian took the opportunity to shove her tongue into his mouth. Her fingers flew to undo his robes as her wicked mouth moved to his neck, freeing him to moan, gripping her hips harder.

Kallian began nibbling and kissing down his chest as she worked on untying his breeches. Hawke found himself being unable to do much more than submit to her assault, his mind swimming. He let out a sigh of relief as he was pulled from his breeches, letting some of the pressure go. Her nimble fingers began pulling his breeches down as she also made her descent along his body.

“Kalli....” her name turned into a moan as he felt her tongue run along from his base to tip. Her hand wrapped around him as she paid attention to his swollen tip with her tongue. Hawke's head hit the wall as he closed his eyes, his hands trying to grip the wall.

Before he could recover her lips wrapped around him and pulled him into her warm, wet mouth. “Oh Maker” he moaned as she began to move along him. Her tongue pressed along him every time she pulled away. The sensations it was causing, and the heat of her blessed mouth made Hawke feel like his knees would give out.  He kept his hands pressed against the wall, but wanting to put them in her hair.  Wanting to hold her there while he fucked her mouth.  Oh how he wanted.

She hummed along him as she moved, one hand began to play with his balls as she did. Hawke moaned loudly, he could already feel them start to tighten. His breathing increased and his whole world focused on the wet heat moving along his cock. He wanted it to never end while at the same time aching for release.

Kallian began gently squeezing him and he suddenly saw stars, everything tightened, he tried to warn her, moved his hands to push her shoulders but she ignored him and a moment later he was filling her throat. “Oh Kalli. Fuck, Maker,” he cried out, his hips pumping as he tried to keep from collapsing as he came.

She licked him once before slowly moving her way back up his body, licking as she went. When he kissed her he could taste himself but it didn't bother him as he thought it might. “Take me to bed, Garrett.” She said in his ear, before moving away. He worked to quickly rip off his boots and breeches, pouncing on her as she neared the bed.

 


	18. Namedays and Dances

“It would be our honor to support you as the rightful heir,” the Lord Mercer shook Sebastian's hand. “Say the word, my Prince, and our soldiers are at your disposal.”

“Aye.” Sebastian nodded. “I thank you, Ser. We shall be in touch.” He walked away feeling lighter, another family pledging his support. He was finding the more that he gained, the more seemed willing to join his cause. As he walked along the dock he noticed a small figure leaning against a building looking out to the water. Walking closer he realized it was Kallian.

“Lass,” he said to her as he got closer.

When she turned, she gave him a soft smile, her eyes red with tears. She was holding one of the charms that hung around her neck in her hand. He instantly worried about her. Had Hawke done something, was she hurt, did something happen to one of the others. “Kalli?” he asked.

She let out a sad sigh, “I'm ok, Sebastian.”

He moved closer and tipped her head up to look at him, “That you are not, lass. You can tell me.”

Her eyes looked down before she spoke. “Today is Alistair's Name Day.”

“Ah,” Sebastian nodded and pulled her closer, wrapping his arms around her. He closed his eyes and tried to steady his heartbeat, reminding himself she was a friend, nothing more, and this was just comfort. She had made her choice.

“There's only one other person out there that probably even remembers. His sort of uncle, maybe. No one else ever even thinks of him. He saved all of Thedas but I bet if you asked anyone around here, they wouldn't even know his name,” she answered. He could feel her tears on his shirt. She had both her hands folded in on herself but was leaning on him.

“I know you said his soul is gone, but what if I light a candle in his memory today anyway? Say a prayer to the Maker to keep him in people's hearts.” Sebastian asked her.

Kallian let out a sniffle, “I'd like that. Thanks.” She stepped back and looked up as Sebastian. “I miss him. Not just as a lover, I miss his friendship. He could always lighten things up, always had a joke, never took anything too serious. I miss his friendship more than anything.”

Sebastian nodded. “Well now there will be one more person that will remember that today is his Name day.” he reassured her.

***

Anders sat on a large boulder, his feet dangling in the water below.  Behind him sat Kallian, her back against his back, her head resting near his shoulder blades.  Her toes also in the water of the shore along the Wounded Coast.

“Things are bad here, aren’t they?” She asked him. “I mean they were bad before, but it seems worse now.  Like Meredith is grabbing more and more power and squeezing mages more.”

Anders sighed, “It is.  There’s more tranquil every day.  It’s going to get to the point of something drastic to change it.  Elthina just sits there in the safety of her Chantry and does nothing.”

“Is that you or Justice talking?” Kallian asked, her toes making circles in the water.

“Both, I guess.” Anders answered.

“Well if either of you need help with making a change, let me know,” she nudged him from behind. “It can’t keep continuing like it is.”

“I don’t want you getting hurt,” Anders replied.

“You can’t always keep me safe, if I’m going to get hurt, at least it would be helping other mages.  I mean what would have happened to me if I didn’t have you?” She sat up and turned towards him.“You’ll never have to find out,” Anders tilted his head back to look at her and smile. 

***

Hawke descended the stairs and his heart jumped into his throat at the sight of her.  Kallian was talking with Sandal, he was excitedly showing her a new rune he’d created.  It was the dress, however, that had Hawke’s attention.  It was a full length dress of a deep forest green.  The arms and top were a sheer black lace.  The bodice covered her breasts and sides, and the skirt gathered just above the hips, flowing to the floor in a straight line.

Bodhan noticed the look on Hawke’s face and he ushered Sandal out of the room with him.  Kallian turned and smiled as she noticed Hawke walking towards her.  She let out a squeak as he didn’t stop, and instead placed his hands along her waist walking them back until she bumped lightly into a table.  Hawke kept his hands on her waist as he kissed her hard.  He brushed back hair from one side of her head and started to nibble on her ear.

“How do you expect me to get through tonight without dragging you into another room and having my way with you when you look like that, Kallian?” He growled as he pressed kisses to her neck.  She rolled her head back to give him more access.

“We’re going to be late,” she tried to warn him.

“Mmmm,” Hawke replied.  “Fine, but I get to tear this dress off of you later.”

“Promise,” Kallian replied as she kissed his nose.

She wasn’t sure if it was because he was now Champion, or that word had spread of who she was, but nearly everyone they had met that night at the ball had been kind to Kallian. Anytime she did hear a disparaging remark, she only needed to look at Hawke and the heat in his eyes made her feel like the most precious thing in all of Thedas all over again. 

Hawke led her to the dance floor and placed his hands around her waist as she rested hers on his upper arms.  “What’s wrong?” He asked as she looked down.

“They’re all watching me, judging me as not good enough.  Especially not for their Champion.” She sighed.

“They may be watching you, but I don’t think it’s for the reason you think.  Maker, Kalli, have you looked in a mirror? You are the embodiment of sin in that dress.  They’re watching because they all wish they were me.” Hawke leaned closer and whispered in her ear, “Too bad for them I don’t share.  You’re all mine.”

She gave him a smile that set his heart floating.  “I love you,” she sighed.

“And I love you.  And to hell with anyone who doesn’t know how amazing you are,” Hawke squeezed his hands lightly around her waist.

As the song ended, Varric approached.

“Mind if I borrow your date, Blaze?  I have a possible job I’d like him to talk about.” Varric asked.

“But of course,” Kallian laughed.

“How’d you manage to get out of the house with her looking like that?” Varric teased Hawke as they walked away.

“It was not easy, and under much protest from me.” Hawke chuckled.

Kallian watched them walk away and moved to the buffet table.  She placed a few pieces of cheese on her plate and heard someone cluck their tongue behind her.  “I wonder if that is the dress Alistair would have worn to dance the Remigold.  Although, I do think you look much better in it than he would have.  Poor Prince would have lost his mind for sure if he saw you in that.” she heard someone say in a strong accent.

Kallian turned around quickly and had to throw a hand on her mouth to cover the squeal that came out.  “Leliana?”

Her head was practically covered behind the hood she wore, but Kallian would know those eyes anywhere.  She put her plate down and threw her arms around her friend.  “Oh Leliana, it’s so good to see you!  What are you doing in Kirkwall?”

“I am here investigating something for the Chantry.  There are rumors of a mage uprising here, some outside influence is believed to be the cause.” Leliana returned the hug before stepping away.

“Because mages can’t get the idea to rebel on their own?  Do you have any idea how bad things are here?  I’m the Hero and I’m not even safe anymore.” Kallian explained.

“The eyes of the world are on Kirkwall.  Please give this to your friend Sebastian.  I need to meet with him.” She answered.  Kallian realized she looked different, more distant almost. 

“Leliana?” She asked.

“It is good to see you, old friend.  Please stay safe.” Leliana squeezed her hand before disappearing into the crowd.

“A friend of yours?” Sebastian asked standing next to her suddenly.  He’d had his eyes on her from the moment she’d entered that night, just waiting for a moment for her to be alone so he could talk with her.  If she had worn this dress when he had brought her to the ball, he most assuredly would have forsaken his vows that very night.  

“She travelled with me during the Blight.  She asked that I give you this,” Kallian placed a note in his hand.  When she did, he wrapped his fingers around her hand and held it, rubbing his thumb along the back of it.

“You look amazing,” he said, his voice darkened.

Kallian blushed under his gaze.  “Sebastian, we’re supposed to just be friends. You can’t look at me like that.”

“It is very difficult to think of just friends when you are in a dress like that, lass,” Sebastian fought to keep from touching her arm.  “But for you I will try.”  He released her hand, looking sorrowful.

“You’re a good man, Sebastian.  You’ll find your Princess,” Kallian tried to reassure him as she gently touched his cheek.

Sebastian closed his eyes and leaned into her touch.  He wanted to remember the feel of it, knowing it would be close to his thoughts later that night.  “I should go before your date returns.  I thank you for the note.” He bowed and walked to the far side of the room.

Kallian returned to gathering up the food she had been taking before running into Leliana.  She watched the party goers, enjoying the delicacies on her plate when she felt arms wrap around her waist and lips on her ear. “Ready for me to get you home and out of that dress, little dragon.” Hawke whispered in her ear.

“Maker, yes,” she sighed and giggled as he practically yanked her out of the estate.


	19. Filthy Elf

**** Kallian and Hawke walked into Anders’ clinic to find him in a panic running around grabbing things and shoving them in a bag.

“Anders, is everything ok? Is it the Templars?” Kallian asked, her magic already revving up for a fight.

Anders looked up as if noticing them for the first time, “Oh, good.  You two just volunteered to help.  Lirene isn’t here and I need help.”

“With what?” Hawke asked.

“Delivering a baby,” Anders answered as he shoved a bag of supplies into Hawke’s arms and headed to the door.

“Wait? A...what?” Hawke was confused.

“Come on, it’ll be fine.  I’ve helped with this before,” Kallian grabbed the still shocked Hawke along with her.

A young boy opened the door and right away they could hear the pained noises of someone in labor.  “This way, Healer", a teenage girl beckoned to him.

“Thanks,” Anders nodded.  “Keep your brother out here while I see to your mother, Tara.”  The teenager nodded and left the three of them to their task.

“Rana, I’ll need some boiling water.  Hawke, in that bag is a sheet, tear it into pieces.” Anders got to the end of the bed and looked over his patient.  “You’re doing great, Lana.  Not long now.”

The woman nodded, her face looking in pain as she grunted.  Hawke handed Anders the strips of cloth while Anders set up his supplies.  “Her husband is a soldier off earning coin to support them.  I need you to help her.  Get up by her head and keep her calm.  Let her squeeze the Maker out of your hand if she needs.”  Hawke nodded, still trying to catch up to what was going on.

He stood by the woman who was breathing heavy.  He must have looked nervous because she took his offered hand and patted it.  “You’ll be fine, dear.” she reassured him before grabbing his hand and squeezing so hard Hawke wondered if there’d be broken bones.

Kallian didn’t seem to need instruction.  Apparently when she said she had done this before, she must have meant it.  She was moving around, bringing Anders the boiling water, handing him things without having to be asked.  She approached Lana with a damp cloth and patted at her head with it.  “You’re doing great,” she winked at the woman.  Kallian placed a bucket beside Hawke.  “It’s cool water.  Use it to help keep her more comfortable,” she said as she handed Hawke the rag.

Hawke did his best to help, although he felt as if Lana was doing more to reassure him than the other way around.  Kallian and Anders worked without much conversation, only a few words between them, however Anders had plenty to say to Lana, in his soothing, “healer” voice.

After what seemed like a few hours, but could have been just twenty for all Hawke really knew, Kallian was over by the table cleaning off a screaming new baby, and Anders was helping clean up Lana.  “See, I told you you’d survive,” Lana patted his arm.  Hawke gave her a warm smile and looked over to where Kallian was.

What he saw made his heart stop.  She had in her arms the bundled up newborn.  She was looking at the crying baby girl, and trying to soothe her, whispering to her.  She just looked so beautiful there with a babe in her arms.  Hawke felt as if everything else around faded and there was just Kallian and a beautiful little baby.  It wasn’t hard to imaging it was their child in her arms, and he couldn’t help the stupid grin that came across his face.

Lana must have noticed his face because he heard her laugh and he looked down at her.  “I know that look.  That look got me three mouths to feed,” she gently squeezed his hand and gave him a motherly smile.

*** 

“Lady Kallian, it is so good to see you,” Bodhan gave her a smile as he walked into the kitchen where she was sitting with Orana.

“I'm just waiting for Hawke,” she explained. “Some new mission.”

Bodhan nodded as he left the room. Orana looked at her, her face nearly hidden. “Can I show you something?”

“Of course,” Kallian answered.

Orana pulled over a slate from the table and scrawled upon it. When she showed it to Kallian, it was scratchy and uneven, but it clearly said 'Orana'.

“Oh, Orana, that's wonderful. Who's teaching you?” Kallian hugged the elf.

“Messere Fenris. He said Master Hawke would be ok with me learning. Do you think he'll be mad?” She looked at Kallian worried.

“No,” Kallian shook her head, answering excitedly “He's going to be thrilled.”

“What's going to thrill him?” Varric asked as he entered the kitchen.

“Orana's learning to read and write. She's going to need to be ready for when your book is published,” Kallian answered and Orana blushed.

Varric grinned, “Well I say that'll get you an advanced copy when it's ready!”

“Come on, Orana,” Kallian motioned to her. “There's a reader in the other room that you can use to practice.”

The three of them moved to the front room and Kallian looked through Hawke's desk. She found the book in a bottom drawer. “Ah ha, here it is,” she presented it to Orana who grinned ear from ear. 

“You are sure he'll be ok with this?”, she asked clutching the book.

“I promise you,” Kallian beamed at the woman. She made a note to praise Fenris for his idea to teach Orana as it would only help him in his learning too.

They all turned when they heard Bodhan greet someone at the door. A woman entered, long brown hair hanging down past her shoulders. She wore a knee length cloak around her covering what she was wearing, her legs bare save some fancy shoes on her feet.

Orana let out a strange squeak and ran to the kitchen, her head down.

“Lady Frye,” Varric whispered to Kallian who looked at the closing kitchen door, “her family has hit upon a loss of finances, bad investments.”

Kallian nodded and leaned against the desk while Varric took a chair and began to shuffle through Hawke's mail.

“I told you, Serrah, Master Hawke isn't home. I'm not sure when he is expected, but he is fairly busy today.” Bodhan tried to explain. He looked nervous, wringing his hands as his eyes shifted from the woman before him and where Kallian and Varric were.

“I am sure he will make time for me,” Lady Frye said dismissing Bodhan. “You!”

Kallian was looking at a letter not paying attention.  It was from a woman thanking Hawke for helping her son.

“You!” Lady Frye said again.

“I think she's talking to you, Blaze,” Varric said quietly.

Kallian looked up and raised an eyebrow at the woman.

“You, elf,” Lady Frye said. “Fetch me some tea.”

Varric chuckled. “Excuse me?” Kallian said, her voice calm, trying to keep her temper in check.

“Tea. Are you deaf along with stupid?  Why doesn’t Garrett know how to hire decent help? Do you not have something to do?” Lady Frye asked frustrated.

“Yes, but he's not here at the moment,” Kallian replied giving Varric a wink as the dwarf tried to contain his laughter.

“Lazy knife ear,” the woman muttered as she moved into the library.

“Why am I not setting her on fire?” Kallian asked looking at Varric.

“Well for one, I think the others would be quite disappointed they missed it,” Varric commented before picking back up the stack of papers.

Kallian looked at Bodhan, “What's up with Orana?”

Bodhan looked nervous, unsure if he should talk about the goings on in the house, or about what Hawke was up to while she was gone. “Err... when the Lady Frye was here last time, she was rather cruel to Orana.”

Kallian shook her head, “Could you check on her? Let her know it's ok for her to hide out in there if she wants until Hawke's  _ charming _ guest leaves?”

Bodhan nodded and went to find Orana.

“I take it what he's not telling me is that was one of his Mother's attempted matches?” Kallian asked Varric.

Varric shrugged. “Hawke tends not to name names, but my guess, now that he's Champion, he's more appealing than before.  Especially with her needing money.”

As if on cue, Hawke entered, along with Fenris. His face lit up as soon as he saw Kallian, and he took several long strides, pulling her in for a quick kiss.

“Are you two done going through my mail?” he asked playfully.

“No, I'm sure there's at least one more marriage proposal here somewhere to read,” Varric teased.

“You have a guest, dear.” Kallian said and took his hand leading him to the library.

As she had suspected, Lady Frye was sitting on the couch in an outfit that looked like she had raided Isabela's closet. “Love, I believe Lady Frye is here to seduce you. Seems your not such bad husband material as she had thought now that she's in need of money.”

Lady Frye leapt up from the couch incensed covering herself with her wrap. “You... you...”

“Yes, we've already established you think that's my name,” Kallian rolled her eyes. “Oh, and you're not getting any tea.  I’m just too stupid to know how to make it.”

Hawke gave Kallian a questioning look.

Lady Frye complained, “Garrett what is this... this elf on about. Send her away.”

“I think actually it's time for you to leave.” Garrett replied wrapping his arm around Kallian's waist.

“You are involved with this filthy elf?” Lady Frye asked in shock.

“Oh yes, she's the filthiest,” Garrett answered laughing. “In fact would you like to know what we did on that couch just yesterday?”

The woman let out a shout of disgust and stormed out the door.

“Oh, so disappointing,” Kallian laughed, while Varric and Fenris broke into laughter after the woman left.

“So what's this job, Hawke?” Varric asked.

“There's mercenaries near the Wounded Coast. Aveline asked if we could look into it for her.” He said. “Maybe we can all head out there tomorrow?”

“Sounds good.” Fenris nodded.

***

Kallian flipped through an ancient book while sitting in the main room at the Hanged Man.  Beside it she had another where she took notes.  Isabela flopped down beside her.

“So when is that Antivan friend of yours coming into town?” She asked Kallian.

“Probably a week or less.” Kallian guessed. “Will I actually get to see Zevran or are you going to sequester him away in your room?”

“You could always join us Kitten,” Isabela winked and moved closer.

Kallian felt someone sit behind her on the bench as she tried to untangle herself from Isabela, who she now realized was fairly drunk.

“Leave the lass be,” the Starkhaven accent of Sebastian said from behind her.  “There are plenty at the Blooming Rose if ye need.”

Isabela huffed.  “For not being a Brother anymore, you’re still a stick in the mud.” She got up from the table and looked for another victim.

“Thanks,” Kallian smiled at Sebastian as she turned around to sit beside him.  “I forgot how handsy she gets when drunk.”

“My pleasure,” Sebastian answered as Kallian placed her books back in her sack.  “Care to join me for dinner?” He asked as he raised a hand to signal for Norah.

“Maker Yes,” Kallian sighed excited. “Warden stamina sounds exciting until you realize how much you need to eat.”

“I would imagine it is more enjoyable in other activities,” Sebastian replied after placing an order of two bowls of stew with the barmaid.

Kallian blushed, “You’re not supposed to say things like that, we’re just friends, remember?”

“Hard habit to break, I suppose.” Sebastian shrugged.

“How goes getting support for the throne?” Kallian asked trying to change the subject.

“Very well, actually.  Your support at the Ball did a lot to rally others.  Knowing the Hero of Ferelden was behind me made others willing to provide money and soldiers.” Sebastian answered.

“Good, I’m glad,” Kallian gave him a warm smile. “You’d be a good Prince.”

“I thank you, Lass,” Sebastian answered, folding his hands in on themselves to keep from touching her.  “It means a lot from you.”

“I mean it.  You’ve been a good friend to me when I’ve needed it, and a great comfort.  You have a kind heart.  Use that to help your people and you’ll be a fine ruler.” Kallian touched his arm.

Sebastian looked where her hand laid for a moment before looking up.  He could smell her soap from this close.  He slowly counted to ten to calm himself.  He tried to remind himself that it was he that promised they would be friends, that he had accepted her choice.  He took a calming breath before talking again.  “I hope when I leave Kirkwall it will not be the last time I see you, Lass.  The castle will always be open to you.”

Kallian smiled at him again as Norah approached with their dinner.

“So what did Leliana’s note say?” She asked him.

“I’m surprised you didn’t sneak a peek before giving it to me,” Sebastian commented.

“I didn’t get the chance, you were there too quick,” she gave him a shy smile and looked down at her bowl.

“I like when you do that,” he said quietly.

“Read your mail?” She asked.

Sebastian chuckled, “No, lass.  Those little smiles.  One more thing that makes me forget we’re just friends.” He looked back to the table and began eating.

Kallian blushed again.  “You didn’t answer my question.”

“It was a warning to Elthina to get out of Kirkwall.  I gave it to her, but she said her place is here, that the rumors are just that, rumors.  She assured me there is no danger to her or the Chantry.” Sebastian answered.  “Now enough business, this is supposed to be dinner with my just friend.”

Kallian nodded and resumed eating.


	20. The Fight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're on Tumblr, you can find me there as WardenAri :)

“Why can't they just once choose to leave instead of fight?” Hawke asked.

“Because then we'd never have any fun, love,” Kallian answered as she flicked her hand, producing a ball of fire in each.

“If we kill them, we get their stuff,” Isabela cried out as she disappeared in a smoke bomb. Fenris charged forward into the fray.

“There's that, too,” Kallian chuckled as she threw one of the fireballs in her hand up to a cliff where an archer stood. A moment later the man screamed and tumbled off the cliff crushing one of his allies on the ground.

“That counts as two, dwarf,” Kallian told Varric.

“You haven't won yet, elf,” Varric answered firing off a bolt that hit another bandit in the eye. “That's one for me, how many do you have, Hawke?”

Four bandits shook and fell to the ground from an electric bolt. “Four,” he answered as Isabela reappeared behind another bandit and performed a backstab.

“This is like target practice”, Kallian commented as she threw another fireball. “I thought you said it would be a challenge.”

A tree burst into flames near one of the last of the bandits. “Losing your aim, little dragon?” Hawke asked.

He turned to look at her, but she wasn't there. His eyes moved down and his breath caught. She was down, a large pool of blood collecting beside her, a hole in her side from an obvious stab wound. “NO!” he yelled out. He threw his hands into the air, casting a powerful electric storm that fried the remaining bandits where they stood.

Hawke collapsed to his knees next to her. She was unconscious. He tried desperately to stop the bleeding, his hands providing no stoppage. Isabela shoved her handkerchief into his hand which he applied to the wound.

“We have to get her to Blondie quick,” Varric said shaking Hawke out of his panic. He nodded as Fenris scooped up her limp body and began running back towards town leaving the others to chase after as quick as they could.

***

Fenris kicked in the door to the clinic. Anders rose from the table he had been writing at, about to yell at the elf, the words dying on his lips when he saw Kallian's pale, lifeless form in Fenris' arms. Anders swept everything off the table in an instant and Fenris laid her on it.

“What happened,” Anders asked trying to push away who it was on the table from his mind that wanted to scream out in agony. He needed to focus if he was going to save her. The handkerchief pressed to her side was deep red with her blood and she was so pale, her breathing shallow.

“Bandits, none of us saw what happened.” Fenris answered, trying to catch his breath.

Anders kicked into healer mode, “Get the pot by the fire, I need you to boil the water. Clean bandages on the shelf there, “ he pointed without looking, “ and lyrium potions, in my room.”

Fenris didn't object to one single order, which told Anders he was just as frightened as Anders was. Anders called up his magic, pouring it into her wound, trying to close up the damage to her kidney and prevent a hemorrhage.

“Come on, little sister, don't do this to me. You are  _ not  _ going to die on my table.” Anders lectured her. “For once in your life listen to me, prat.”

Fenris appeared at his side a moment later with a potion. He uncorked it and poured it down Anders' throat for him so that the mage could concentrate on the healing.

He heard other footsteps approach quickly but didn't look up, needing to concentrate on his patient fully. There was so much damage. Maker, please, please, he begged silently while trying to sew her insides back together before she bled out.

“You can save her?” he heard Hawke's anguished voice ask from somewhere behind him.

“Trying, need to concentrate” he answered.

He worked slowly, trying to drown out the noises behind him. Hawke's muffled sobs, Isabela trying to reassure him that she wasn't going to go down this easily. Slowly, so slowly he pieced back together blood vessels, the bleeding slowing. “Elf!” Anders called out.

Fenris appeared at his side a moment later. “Another potion, and get me a cloth from the shelf, wash it in the hot water and hand it to me. Fenris nodded, again without a word and after helping him down another potion disappeared only for a moment before returning with the requested cloth.

Anders used it to slowly clean the wound of the drying blood so he could get a better look. He let out a slow breath, it had just missed her kidney, meaning it would now be easier to repair the damage. He threw the bloodied cloth to the ground and started casting again. The room grew silent. He could hear Hawke's uneven breathing, a telltale sign he was still crying.  _ Come on, prat, no dying on me. Hawke needs you, I need you. You are too important to die on the table of some dirty clinic, _ Anders thought hoping somehow she'd hear his thoughts.

Slowly, after nearly an hour, muscle started reattaching, mending, the gaping wound now just a smaller stab. He continued pouring in all his magic, he could feel even Justice was worried, no argument at all about this distracting them from their goals. The spirit seemed to be just as anxious for her to be ok. He watched as the skin began to sew together until there was just a cut and scabs left. He took the bandages from Fenris and wrapped them tightly around her side, to prevent infection and help should it reopen.

He let out a slow breath and bent down to kiss her forehead. “Don't ever scare me like that again,” he said to her quietly even though she was still unconscious.

He cleaned off his hands in the now cooling water and turned to his friends.

“She'll be ok,” he reassured them and could feel everyone release a sigh of relief. Hawke's eyes were red from crying. “She'll be ok, Garrett.” he said placing a hand on his shoulder. “She needs her rest now. I'll keep an eye on her tonight. You should get some rest too, when you come in the morning you'll see she's better.”

“No, I can't leave her,” Hawke shook his head.

“I need you to, Hawke,” Anders said. Hawke just kept looking at her lying on the table, looking so frail and small. “Garrett,” Anders said quietly. “Go home and rest. I need to take care of her and I can't do that with your worry here. I promise I'll send word if anything changes.”

Hawke sighed, he wanted to fight Anders but he didn't have the strength. He nodded and stopped at the table to kiss her forehead and cheek before he left.

Anders watched as they walked out the door before collapsing into the chair beside her. “Kalli,” he took her limp hand in his and began to cry “How am I going to tell you?”

***

Hawke collapsed on his bed and stared into the fire. He was so tired, all the tears and terror of the last few hours had left him drained. He kept reminding himself she'd be ok. Anders had said she would and he wouldn't lie, not about this. But Maker, he'd nearly lost her tonight. She had so quickly become his light, his everything and he'd nearly lost her.

Just the night before they had been in her room at the Hanged-Man. She had been sleeping in his arms, his hand rubbing absentmindedly along her abdomen. His thoughts had again drifted to the idea of her large with his child. It had only been about six months, less when you counted their actual time together, but he realized in that moment, staring at the fire in his room while she fought for her life in a tiny clinic in Darktown, that he wanted her in his life permanently. It might not make sense, and he prayed she wouldn't think it too fast, but he knew all too well how fragile life was, that there were no guarantees. He needed to snatch up happiness when it came and hold it tight. He just wished it hadn't taken her near death for him to realize exactly what he wanted.


	21. Too Much

**** Kallian let out a moan.  _ Why is this bed so hard _ , she wondered as she slowly opened her eyes. As they began to focus she looked up and realized she was in the clinic. She let out another moan, feeling as if her whole body was bruised.

“Shush, Rana” she heard Anders say somewhere beside her, “too noisy, can't sleep.”

She rolled her head over and smiled, he was asleep, passed out in a chair near her. “Anders, why am I on your table?” she asked him.

He moved slightly and then suddenly shot up into a sitting position his eyes wide open, “Rana?”

She started to laugh and it turned into a groan as her side ached. “Maker Anders, what happened?”

“You scared the life out of all of us is what happened. Sit still, let me check you,” he rose, his hands beginning to glow. As his magic poured into her, she could feel the aches fading away. After a few minutes he stood back up. “Better?”

She nodded and he offered her a hand to help her sit up. The moment she did she was wrapped in Anders' arms. “You need to stop making me think you're dead, alright?” she nodded and hugged him back. “Deal, but you have to stay alive too.”

Anders nodded and then pulled back looking at her, he took her head in both his hands and bent down, pressing his lips to her forehead and leaving them there for a moment. She could feel him shaking.

“Anders?” she asked him.

“Hawke's going to be by soon, I'm sure. Had to practically push him out the door last night.” Anders moved over to the fire to put on a pot of water for tea. “Remember trying to get Oghren to drink tea? He spit it out all over Velanna?” he chuckled as he flitted around the room never stopping.

“Anders, what's wrong? And don't lie to me, I know you too well.” she watched him from the table.

Anders let out a noise that sounded like a muffled whimper. “Rana.” he moved closer and held her hand.

“Just tell me,” she looked at him, she couldn’t remember him ever looking so scared.

“Rana, the taint. It's worse, a lot worse than it should be for someone with twenty more years.” he held her hands, waiting for her to react.

She just let out a sigh and nodded.

“You knew?” he asked.

“I'm sorry Anders. I just didn't know how to tell you. The Warden-Commander in Orlais said it's because I joined during the Blight. They don't know why it affects the taint like that, just that it does. I don't get thirty.” she felt a tear run down her face as he collapsed back into his chair.

“How long?” he asked quietly.

“Five more. Maybe.” she choked back. She'd never said the number aloud before, no one but Zevran even knew, and that was only because he had been there when she found out.

“Does Hawke know?” Anders asked, looking up, suddenly looking so much older.

Kallian shook her head.

“Maker, Kalli, you have to tell him.” Anders leaned over and took her hand again. “Do you want me to go with you to do it?”

“No, I'll tell him,” she looked at their hands. She knew Anders was right, but she dreaded seeing the heartbreak in Hawke's eyes when he found out. It would probably be much like the eyes watching her now.

Anders stood up and pulled her into another hug. He buried his nose into her hair. “I don't know how I'll be ok without you,” he sighed pulling her tighter to him. “Do you still plan on leaving when Zevran arrives?”

Kallian shook her head, “No, things are different now. Hopefully Zev will be ok with sticking around here.”

“Good,” Anders closed his eyes as he rested his head on top of hers and just held her.

***

When Hawke arrived at the clinic she was up, and changed into what he assumed was one of Anders' shirts based on how it hung on her as she moved around the clinic. The moment she saw him she dropped the broom she'd been holding and threw herself into his arms. Hawke wrapped his arms tight around her. She looked up at him and he captured her lips with his, pressing a desperate kiss to her. Last night he wasn't sure he'd ever get the chance to do so again, but here she was, awake, in his arms and kissing him.

“Maker,” he said burying his head into her neck. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” she said squeezing her arms around him.

He stepped back just a little, “You're really ok? Can you leave?”

“Please, take her out of here, if she keeps cleaning, the place will look too good for Darktown,” Anders said as he stepped out of his room. “She needs to clean her bandage tomorrow, but otherwise she's ok.”

He looked down at Kallian who nodded at him. “Good,” he said. “Let's get you back then, there's a lot of people waiting to see you in Varric's room.”

Anders picked up their staves and handed hers to her following them both out to celebrate her recovery at the Hanged-Man.

***

Bodhan opened the door to the estate. “Ah, Lady Kallian,” he grinned up at her. “Master Hawke is waiting for you in the dining room.”

“Thanks, Bodhan” she said feeling a little odd with how formal he was acting. He'd sent a message asking her to dress up and join him instead of just asking himself. He'd been acting a little off since her injury a week prior, but she tried to chalk it up to him just dealing with her near death experience.

She didn't have much to wear, but a quick trip to the market with Isabela and she found a modest deep blue dress with a tight bodice and a skirt that flowed to the ground. The sleeves were short, just below the shoulder when they stopped.

She entered the dining room to find candles and flowers all around. It looked like dinner was already prepared, and two glasses with a bottle of wine nearby. She looked around, her eyes taking it in as she thought she'd never seen such a beautiful setup. A pair of strong arms surrounded her as her lover kissed her cheek. “You look beautiful.”

Kallian turned in his arms and looked up at him. He was dressed formal, black breeches and a red shirt with a black vest. His eyes shined down on her with such love she couldn't help but blush. She leaned up on her tiptoes placing a soft kiss to his lips.

“If we start down that path the dinner Orana spent so long on will go to waste,” he teased leading her to her chair. He settled in on the end of the table perpendicular to her and poured them both some wine. “To your recovery.”

Kallian clinked glasses with him and smiled warmly before taking a sip. It was bubbly and sweet, and she liked it immediately. She blushed again seeing how he was watching her. “Eat,” he encouraged and they began to enjoy their dinner.

As they ate he told her how Orana had nervously told him about learning to read and write and how he'd probably scared her half to death when he'd pulled her into a large hug to celebrate. “At least she isn't trying to sneak around with it now. She seems slightly less nervous now.” He commented.

As their dinner ended Hawke took her hand in his. “Kalli, I have something I want to tell you.”

She dabbed at her mouth with her napkin and then faced him as he continued to hold her hand in his. “Go on.” she encouraged him.

“Kalli, I know added all up we've only had really a month as a couple even though it's been over six months in time. But I know how I feel about you. We both know how fleeting life can be, how quickly someone you love can be taken away. I... Well I hope this isn't too soon,” he reached into his pocket and pulled out a silver band with three rubies embedded in it. “Kallie, I want to spend the rest of my life with you and grow old together and raise a family. Will you marry me?”

Kallian's eyes grew wide as she looked at him. Those things he was asking for, she wanted more than anything to give them to him. She hadn't even realized how much until that moment. She thought of what a life with him could mean, of him being there every day. Falling asleep in his arms every night, feeling safe, loved. Then her mind flashed to her in a bed weak from the taint, Hawke by the side with red rimmed eyes from crying. Or her having to tell him goodbye as she left him to meet her end in the Deep Roads. She pictured him standing over her grave, of him being broken from losing her in such a way. She couldn't do that to him, he'd already watched every single member of his family die. Kallian realized she couldn't be another person that he loved that he would have to watch die.

“Oh, Garrett,” her voice wavered. “I... I'm sorry. I wish I could, but I can't. I'm sorry.” tears started falling from her eyes. “I'm so sorry, Garrett. I... I'm sorry.” she turned and ran from the room, the door closing behind her.

He sat there in his chair in shock of what had just occurred. He had expected tears, but of happiness, then they would kiss, and drink the wine he'd poured. Maybe make love by the fire, and she would look at the ring and they would talk about their future. He looked back to the door again. She must have just misunderstood his question. Yes, that was it. Any moment now she would walk back in that door, and they'd laugh about her confusion and she'd wear the ring. Any moment now. He listened, sure he'd hear her footsteps coming back towards the room. The fire behind him let out a pop, and his eyes looked at the glasses of wine he'd just poured. He lifted his glass and drank it down in a gulp. No harm in having a drink while he waited for her, he thought. He watched the door, any moment now it would spring back open. Any moment.

***

Kallian rushed through the tavern floor towards her room.  As soon as she was inside she changed quickly into her travelling clothes and pulled out her sack to begin throwing her belongings in it.  Zevran should be arriving tonight, and if not, she knew how to leave a mark so that he’d know where to find her.  They had long ago worked out howto leave messages for the other in ways that looked like nothing but random graffiti to anyone else.  She could take refuge in a nearby cave along the coast until he arrived if she needed, or with the Dalish perhaps.

One by one she looked over what was on her dresser, deciding quickly what to leave and what to keep.  There was a knock on the door which she tried to ignore, worried it was Hawke.

“Lass,” she heard through the door, and let out a relieved sigh.  She opened it to usher Sebastian in, closing it behind him once inside.

He looked around the room, “You looked upset when you rushed through the main room.  Are you ok?”

“No,” she answered continuing to shove what clothing she could take into her sacks.  She wouldn’t need the dresses.  The robe was out too.

“Lass,” Sebastian said again.  She paid him no mind, still packing.  “Kalli.” He moved next to her and touched her arm to turn her towards him.

She looked up at him with tears in her eyes but still said nothing.

“What happened?  Did he…”, Sebastian touched her cheek, brushing away a tear with his thumb.  “Are you leaving?”

Kallian looked down but said nothing,

“Come with me,” Sebastian said softly.  She looked back up at him with a confused look. “We could leave for Starkhaven together, come with me.”

“Sebastian, I…” Kallian started to say but didn’t finish as he lifted her chin and kissed her.  He moved a hand around her waist to hold her close as his other stayed on her chin.  His lips were soft but strong.  The lips of a man who knew how to kiss a woman just the right way to make her melt.

Sebastian put everything he had into his kiss.  He tried to convey to her all the affection, no,  _ love _ , he had for her into that kiss.  For her to see through the kiss that he was the better choice.  He nibbled on her lip. She tasted sweet, like honey, and he knew, just knew he wanted to kiss her again before this kiss was even over.

He placed his forehead on hers.  “I can make you happy.  Just give me the chance.  We can leave together and never look back.  Starkhaven would welcome you as their princess” Without waiting for a reply he kissed her again, hoping to convince her.  She moved her hands to the side of his face and kissed him back.  

Kallian knew she couldn’t give him what he wanted, but she wanted him to at least have this one kiss from her.  She had affection for him, and had it not been for Hawke, perhaps something more would have bloomed between them. But Hawke had her heart, and she was leaving without it.  But she didn’t have the strength to break Sebastian’s, so she kissed him, hoping it would be enough.

He pulled back and looked into her eyes, running a thumb along her cheek.  “Just give me a chance, that’s all I ask.  I need two days, we can leave then.”   _ Please _ , he begged with his eyes.

Kallian nodded and watched as the Prince left her room.  After she was sure he was away she continued shoving a few more items in her bag.  She wondered about leaving a note for Anders, but what would she say?  She had to just hope he’d understand.  She let out a sigh and gulped back a few tears as she exited into the hallway and made a small mark on the wall beside her door, one that only one person would understand. Then she worked her way to a back door so that no one would see her leave the tavern.

She cut through the alleys, stopping to leave marks as she went.  She was nearly out of town, her heart hurt, but better hers than his when he had to watch her wither away and die, she thought.  She turned a corner and was suddenly slammed into a wall by a strong arm.  _ Fuck _ , _ that hurt _ she thought, growling as she looked up and froze.

“Well, well, Surana.  It appears you forgot an escort tonight.  I told you I’d be watching for my chance, didn’t I?” Laurant moved close enough to whisper into her ear, “And it appears it’s paid off.  You’re mine this time.” His hand grabbed both of hers to pin her against the wall.  “Fight, I like it better that way,” he grinned.


	22. Gone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, more unhappiness here :(
> 
> But, each chapter does get us closer to the happy ending. Assuming you don't lynch me first!

**** Zevran wiped the blood from his blade with a rag. “You are sure about this, mi amiga?”

Kallian nodded and settled her bag across her back. “This is better.”

Zevran cocked his head to the side and looked at her. He moved his blade up and down as if to point at her. “This does not look like it is better.”

“It is, Zev.” she sighed. “I know what it's like to watch someone you love die right in front of you and not be able to stop it. I can't do that to Hawke and Anders. I can't let them watch me fade away to nothing. It'll kill one if not both of them.”

“Do you not think this Hawke that you wrote me so often about should have the chance to decide that?” Zevran asked as he placed his blade in his belt. “Would it not be better for you to have love, to not be alone?”

She shook her head, “No, this way he can hate me for a while but move on, find someone else.  Besides, I’m not alone, I have you.” 

“And what if I’m waiting to be rid of you to run off with Isabela?” Zevran teased her.

“You’d be lost without me,”  She brushed some drying blood off Zevran's shoulder. “You didn't have to kill him.”

“My job is to keep you safe, no?” Zevran watched her closely, knowing she was considering the other matter closed for now. “He wished to harm you, now he cannot. Come, if you are certain we should leave, then we should do it before the Kirkwall Guard finds him.”

***

“You can't seriously  _ still _ be defending the Circles after reading that!” Anders yelled pointing at the book on Varric's desk that detailed crimes against mages in Kirkwall Circle by the Templars. Rapes, beatings, accusations of blood magic without physical proof, just the say so of the Templars, all in the journal the Mage Underground had found.

“First we don't know if this is a real account. And it might not all be true, it could be a cover by a blood mage to justify his actions,” Fenris slammed the journal down looking across Varric's table at Anders while Sebastian remained quiet, thinking instead of the plan to leave tonight for Starkhaven. A few of the tavern customers glanced over to see what the yelling was about.

“It's all true, elf! I've seen first hand what these Templars do to innocent mages if given the chance, it's the same no matter where the circle. You have no...”

“Boys, lets use our indoor voices,” Varric interrupted trying to calm them before his table was thrown across the room yet again.

Before either could argue Bodhan came running up the stairs into Varric's room, clearly out of breath. They all turned to look at Hawke's man servant as he caught his breath. “I beg your pardon Messeres, but it's Master Hawke.”

The all stood upright, all but forgetting their fight. “What's wrong with Hawke?” Fenris spoke first.

“Well, I'm not sure Messere Fenris. Two days ago he gave us all the night off, paid for us to stay elsewhere. He had a big dinner planned with Lady Surana. When we returned, she was gone, and Master Hawke was just sitting there in the dining room, with their dinner at the table. He refuses to leave the room, and he won't let Orana clear the plates, he just keeps saying 'Any minute now.' Please Messeres, I don't know what to do.”

They followed Bodhan back to the estate, and entered the dining room to find Hawke sitting at the table as Bodhan had described, drinking straight from a bottle, but saying nothing.

“Hawke?” Varric asked, touching the man's arm to get his attention.

Hawke looked at the dwarf with bleary eyes, clearly having not slept in days. “She's going to be back any minute now Varric, and she'll say yes.”

“Hawke, what happened here, you don't look so good,” Varric looked him over.

Hawke blinked and then rubbed the heels of his hands into his eyes and let out a loud sigh. “I asked Kalli to marry me. I poured us wine, told her how happy she's made me, that I wanted a future together, and I asked her. And then she left.”

“She left?” Varric asked, looking at the others who stood quietly by.

“She said she was sorry and left.” Hawke looked at his hands, saying it in the open made it real, made it somehow hurt more.

“Shit,” Anders cursed sinking into a chair. “Hawke, she didn't tell you, did she?”

“Tell me what?” he asked looking to the mage.

Anders sighed and silently cursed Kallian. “It's the great severance plan from the Wardens, you get to save the world and if the Darkspawn doesn't kill you, the taint will. Most of us get thirty years. She was recruited during the Blight, which means she gets less, a lot less.  She's only got a few years left. And, kids are a near impossibility as well.”

“Fasta Vaas” Fenris swore.

Sebastian picked up a glass and slammed it against the wall before walking out of the estate.

“Well I guess he wasn't as over her as he's been saying,” Varric sighed, looking in the direction the Prince had walked off in.

“Dammit,” Hawke said softly staring at his hands. “I ruined it. I had everything right here, and I pushed and it's all gone.”

“Hawke, pal, you need to sleep. We can figure out where she is later, but you need to sleep.” Varric tried to reason with him.

“How? What's the point, it's all gone, everything, everyone.” Hawke covered his face.

“Catch him,” Anders instructed Fenris before mumbling a few words. Hawke slumped over, fully asleep, and Varric barely had time to brace himself before he fell on top of him.

“Little help?” Varric called out from underneath his friend. Fenris scooped up the man, and carried him off to his room with Anders behind him, while Varric informed Bodhan that they were now free to clean up the table and to warn of the broken glass. He then left to find Sebastian.

***

Anders awoke hearing noises coming from the other room. He sat up from the couch and noticed Fenris slowly waking up from the chair he was in. They both stood and moved to the main entry room to see Bodhan talking with Knight-Captain Cullen.

Anders spotted Hawke slowly walking down the stairs, still looking just as broken, but at least awake.

“Hawke,” Cullen said, oblivious to the man's distress. “There's a killer loose. We need your help.”

Hawke sighed deciding the rest of Kirkwall didn't care if the Champion had a broken heart, it still needed to trudge along.

“What happened, Knight-Captain?” Hawke asked.

“One of our Templars has been found murdered. His throat slashed. Ser Laurant was...” Cullen started to explain.

“There's no killer,” Anders interrupted, “Or there was, an assassin to be specific, but he'll have moved on.”

“Did you arrange this, mage?” Fenris asked, his eyebrow cocked.

Anders shook his head, “No, but I know who it would have been. I'm sorry Hawke, but she's definitely gone. Her companion is a former Crow, if he found out Laurant was here, he would have taken him out for sure. And if he was here, it was for her.”

“Why would a former Crow attack a Templar?” Cullen asked, sounding agitated.

“Maybe you should do a little more checking into the background of your men, Cullen.” Anders glared at him. “You might find out some of those rumors aren't so baseless after all.”

Cullen glared at Anders, but seeing he wasn't going to get more answers, he left.

“Are you sure she's gone?” Hawke asked. “She could just be at the Hanged-Man.”

Varric shook his head, “Sorry Hawke. Blaze cleared out of there a few days ago. I just assumed it was to come here.”

Hawke's knees gave out as he collapsed with a groan to sit on the stairs.


	23. Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fenris finally faces down Danarius and discovers why he trusted Kallian so easily

**** Hawke threw in two silver and looked around the table at his friends. The Wicked Grace games had become smaller since Kallian had left nearly two years ago. Sebastian was rarely in Kirkwall anymore, off gathering support to reclaim Starkhaven. When he was in town, he seemed to have little time for Hawke besides more than a strained politeness; it was clear the would be Prince blamed Hawke for Kallian leaving town. Hawke couldn't fault Sebastian for doing so, he blamed himself as well.

Anders was also absent. The mage had become more and more withdrawn over the years. Hawke worried that Justice was becoming a larger part of his friend in response to the tight hold that Meredith seemed to have on the mages and on Kirkwall. Hawke had tried multiple times to pull his friend out into the daylight. On rare occasions a trip to the Wounded Coast for a swim or gathering herbs helped, but only for a day or two and then Anders withdrew again.

Aveline had married Donnic, and so most of her free time was now spent with him, although when she worked, Donnic had taken to joining their card game.  Neither of them joined the game tonight.

“I have word on a possible job, you interested?” Isabela sidled up to Hawke.

“Perhaps,” he replied, “what's in it for me?”

“Oh, I could definitely make it worth your while,” she all but purred moving closer to him. Hawke chuckled but knew it was harmless flirtations. He'd had no interest in anyone, really. Anyone you let too close just dies, so what was the point? He had decided long ago he no was no longer interested in much more than an occasional roll in the hay, breaking the hearts of several young women in town.

“I have need of some help, but I cannot match Isabela's offer,” Fenris said looking up from his cards.

Hawke chuckled, “Sure, we can talk tomorrow about what you need.”

“I thank you, my friend,” Fenris nodded, “and I call.”

Fenris laid down his cards and Hawke moaned as the elf pulled his winnings into a pile.

“You purposely waited to do that until after you asked me, didn't you?” Hawke asked.

Fenris chuckled but didn't reply.

***

Hawke entered Fenris' mansion. “You know, someday you should try, I don't know, removing the skeletons from the front entry.”

“It tends to deter would-be thieves,” Fenris chuckled.

“Hmm, maybe I should consider that. Wait, no, that would definitely scare Orana and I finally have her acting somewhat normal. She even scolded Isabela the other day for tracking in mud.” Hawke chuckled. “You said you had work?”

“It is... more of a personal matter,” Fenris said sitting in his chair and looking at the fire. “I have located my sister. She is on her way to Kirkwall.”

“Well that's good news then,” Hawke grinned. “When do we get to meet her?”

Fenris sighed, “I am uncertain that it is not a trap. I'm to meet her in two days time at the Hanged Man.”

“And you think Danarius is using her as bait to lure you out?” Hawke surmised.

Fenris nodded in reply. “It may be nothing, but...”

“Why take the chance? I told you before, Fen, I won't let him take you. I'll be there, I'm sure Isabela and Varric will feel the same.” Hawke reassured him.

Fenris nodded, looking relieved. “Thanks.”

***

Fenris entered the tavern with Hawke, Isabela, Varric and Sebastian. When the Prince heard of the potential of Danarius being in town he offered his assistance to help Fenris. The tavern was nearly deserted, and at a table near the back sat an elf with red hair who was looking at her drink and fidgeting.

Fenris moved towards the table, she looked up, “Leto?” she said.

“I... I remember you,” Fenris was shocked. Studying her face, he was hit with another realization. Except for the red hair, she looked nearly identical to Kallian. There were a few differences, including eye color, the elf before him having green eyes, but they could have easily passed as sisters. He wondered if maybe that was why he had been so quick to feel at ease with Kallian. “We would play in our Master's courtyard.”

“Yes,” she said, still not looking at him.

“What's wrong?” Fenris asked. Was she in trouble? Did she not know he would help her if asked?

“I'm getting a bad feeling,” Hawke commented.

“Predictable as always, my pet.” They all looked to see an older man walking down the stairs. Varric and Sebastian readied their bows as Hawke heard Isabela pull out her blades. “Time for you to return.”

“I am no longer your pet, Danarius,” Fenris growled.

“Fenris is a free man.” Hawke snarled as electricity built in his hands.

“Oh ho ho, and what did you do to inspire such loyalty, Little Wolf,” Danarius asked. “My pet is quite talented, isn't he?”

“I will silence you,” Fenris snapped as he jumped at his former master.

The fight was quick, probably quicker than Danarius had anticipated. It appeared for all his planning, he hadn't accounted for how much experience Fenris' friends would have, or that they would defend him so strongly. The magister's body crumpled to the ground moments after Fenris snapped his neck.

Tattoos still glowing, he strode towards his sister. “You sold me out. I would have given you everything and you were going to turn me over to him. I should kill you where you stand.”

She backed into a corner, “No, please. He was going to make me a magister. You don't know what it's like, how hard it's been.”

“You would sell out your own family for that?” Sebastian asked. “You are not worthy of a man like Fenris as your brother.”

Fenris glared at her. He wanted to rip out her heart as she had just done to him, but when he looked at her, all he could see was his long lost friend. “Get out of here,” he snarled. The elf didn't need to be told twice, running from the tavern as quick as she could.

“I... I need to be alone,” Fenris' tattoos stopped glowing and he turned and left.

“I will let Aveline know the guards need to come clean up,” Sebastian spoke before leaving to fetch her.

“Shit, this went just as bad as it could have gone,” Varric commented.

“At least now Fenris can stop looking over his shoulder,” Hawke said, giving Danarius' body a kick as he moved towards the door.

“Funny how much she looked like...” Isabela started to say.

“I know,” Hawke sighed, interrupting her, as he walked out the door.

***

Hawke gave Fenris the night to himself, waiting until the next morning to check in on him. When he did, he found a rather drunk elf sitting on the floor.  Hawke sighed realizing that most likely Fenris resorted to drinking because he’d never been taught how to handle strong emotions.

“Well, at least you're still here,” Hawke commented as he sat on the floor next to the elf, relieved to see Fenris was still in Kirkwall.  He’d worried after Fenris had run out yesterday that he’d arrive to find he’d lost yet another person.

“I thought...” Fenris paused. “I thought being free would feel different.” he shrugged. “Instead I find it confusing.”

“What do you mean?” Hawke asked.

Fenris hiccuped and continued. “Before, I always knew what to do. Be alert, watch for signs of Danarius. Now, I am unsure what to do. What do you think I should do?”

“The exciting and scary thing about being free is that you can decide for yourself, Fen,” Hawke answered.

Fenris looked down to the ground, “Maybe, I might stay in Kirkwall.”

“I would like that,” Hawke answered. “I've lost too many already. It would be nice to have you stay.”

Fenris nodded as if the decision had now been made. He took another drink and said nothing for a while. Hawke started to wonder if maybe the man wished to be left alone, until he spoke again.

“I have never missed anyone before. Before Kirkwall, I never got to know anyone enough to miss them when they were not there anymore. Is that... is that odd?”

Hawke shook his head, “No, not at all.”

“She looked like Kallian. I miss her friendship, that she would not let me fall into myself too much. Should I not miss her after so long?” Fenris didn’t know how to put into words how his heart hurt, feeling like part of it was empty, missing his friend.  Fenris worried his hands. Would Hawke be mad that he was talking about Kallian? Hawke hadn't talked about her since the day after they had found him drunk at his mansion. Perhaps he wished to forget her, and Fenris' talking about her would make him angry.

“It is normal to miss someone, Fen. Even after a long time.” Hawke answered and sat watching the fire with the drunk elf.  He thought of eyes that were blue like the sea, and of the sound of her laughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter a certain Antivan elf appears.


	24. The Crow

**** Hawke walked with Isabella through Hightown towards the Blooming Rose.

“Trust me, Hawke. There's this redhead in there that will make you forget about any troubles.” Isabela told him as they walked. “You'll feel like a new man tomorrow.”

Hawke chuckled. “I'm only going to fetch my uncle. I haven't had to resort to needing to pay for a woman's attentions.”

“You don't know what you're missing,” Isabela winked as they continued.

Before they reached the doorway, a well dressed man approached them. “You are the Champion of Kirkwall, si?”

“It depends on who owes you money,” Hawke replied.

The man let out a hearty laugh, “Ah, your reputation precedes you. I am Nuncio Caldera Lanos,” the man bowed. “I am a noble from the beautiful country of Antiva.”

“That is quite a long name to have to say all at once,” Hawke commented.

“I promise, it is mainly to impress the ladies,” Nuncio nodded to Isabela. “I've come to ask your help. Hiding among the Dalish is a man I've been after for months. He is an assassin and not to be taken lightly. He has killed several women and children. A dog too.”

“If you know where he is, why would you need me?” Hawke questioned.

“Ah, because the Dalish, they will not let us close enough, but you are said to have dealings with them. Perhaps you can get close, see that this man meets his just rewards.” Nuncio explained.

“I could use some excitement,” Isabela chimed in next to him.

Hawke nodded. “Very well, you have a deal, Nuncio.”

The man's face lit up. “Thank you, Champion. I knew asking for your help would pay off.” He pulled out a map, “Here is where my party and I are camping. Find us when you have completed this job and we shall pay you.” The then bowed and left as he and Isabela continued on their way to the brothel.

***

Isabela knelt to the ground while Hawke, Merrill and Aveline waited behind her. “From the look of these traps, the assassin was definitely expecting company. Just give me a few moments.” She started working on disabling them.

“Why would an assassin hideout with the Dalish?” Aveline pondered. “And why would he then encourage them to tell of his location?”

“I think there's more to this then we are being told,” Hawke replied quietly, looking around for any signs of their target.

There was a clicking noise and then Isabela stood up, brushing off her hands. “All clear, let's go.”

At the bottom of the stairs there was a roar and a varterral appeared. “How many times do we have to kill this thing?” Hawke groaned as he shot a bolt of lightning at it.

They were able to make quick work of the creature. Hawke bent down to look through some of the treasure when he heard Isabela pull out her blades. “Hawke,” Aveline warned.

Hawke stood and saw an elf, shorter than Fenris by a good foot, enter. He had a tattooed face, and shoulder length blonde hair pulled back.

“Now you, I wasn't expecting,” the elf looked Hawke up and down.

“Zevran, I thought I smelled Antivan leather!” Isabela laughed as she walked up to the elf.

“Isabela, if it isn't my favorite pirate,” Zevran kissed her hand and bowed.

Isabela turned to the others, “Merrill, Lady Man Chin, Hawke, allow me to introduce Zevran Arainai. Most definitely not the man Nuncio described.”

Zevran's eyes opened slightly. “You are Hawke? Garrett Hawke?”

Hawke nodded, “Have we met?”

Zevran shook his head, “No.”

Isabela looked at Hawke and then at Zevran. “She's with you, isn't she?”

Zevran nodded, “Not here, but close, si.”

“Ooo, is this a guessing game?” Merrill squealed beside Hawke. “Is she taller than Aveline? Oh, no wait, is she grumpy like Fenris?”

Zevran laughed, “This one I like.”

Hawke took one look at Isabela's face and knew who she had meant. He looked to Merrill at his side. “They mean Kallian, Merrill.”

Merrill's face got even more excited if that was possible. Her hands went to her face as if to hide behind it. “Oh, Hawke, that's wonderful. You two can get back together and then you'll stop being so angry.”

“I'm not angry, Merrill,” Hawke answered, feeling his jaw clench a little.

“You're even angrier than Fenris. Though not as grumpy as Sebastian. And not all mysterious like Anders.” she continued.

“That's enough, Kitten,” Isabela tried to calm her.

“So, let me guess, Nuncio asked you to hunt me down and kill me. What dastardly deed does he claim I have done this time?” Zevran asked Hawke.

“Among other things, he said you killed a dog,” Hawke replied looking over the man. Was he Kallian's new lover? He wasn't sure what he was feeling at this knowledge. Jealousy? Anxiety that she was nearby?

Zevran chuckled, “I truly am a fiend then.” he shook his head. “No such thing, he is just angry I left the Crows. Care to help me remove them from my trail, permanently?”

Hawke nodded, “I don't like being taken advantage of, we will help.”

“Thank you, Hawke,” Zevran nodded. “I have heard only good of you.”

“She's really here?” He asked as they started to walk out of the cave.

Zevran shifted a little and seemed to be sizing up the other man. “I will talk to her, I make no promises though.”

Hawke nodded knowing the man before him wasn't the type to be convinced to do more than he offered.

***

Hawke approached Nuncio's camp, angry. “I don't like being taken for a fool.”

“Ah, so Zevran told you then. No matter, his precious Warden is not here to protect him.” Nuncio readied his blade. Isabela's dagger flew by Hawke's face and hit Nuncio square in the forehead, the man collapsed dead.

“Not much of a Crow,” Isabela scoffed as she pulled the blade from his skull. “Can't even dodge a dagger.”

They all turned hearing a choked yell to see the other Crow fall with his throat cut. When he did, they could see Zevran was behind him. He wiped his blade with a rag and bent down, picking up a coin purse from the dead man. Walking to the party he threw the purse to Isabela. “For your aid.”

Hawke couldn't help but let his eyes wander around the area. Zevran apparently noticed as he shook his head. “She would not come, Champion. I am sorry.”

Hawke nodded and let out a sigh. He knew it had been a foolish hope, but one he had all the same. “Thank you. Keep her safe?”

Zevran nodded and then bowed. “I thank you again. Adventure awaits and I must depart.” he turned and walked off towards the hills.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More Zev in the next chapter.   
> Also in the next chapter, Anders tells Kalli just what he thinks of how she left.


	25. Sorry

**** “So you just, what? Ignore that the number of Tranquil are increasing rapidly by the day at the Gallows?” Anders snarled at Sebastian. “Are you really that blind?”

“Change can happen, but you need to be patient, it is not a fast thing. Elthina would step in if there was something amiss. You see boogeyman where there are none,” Sebastian countered.

Fenris looked around the street where they stood, near the stairwell leading to Darktown from Lowtown. It had all started off so well, on Hawke's request get Anders to the Hanged-Man, force the mage to actually eat something. He'd been looking paler, thinner later, and they've all noticed. Then Sebastian made some comment about more Templars being brought into Kirkwall, and soon voices were raised and here they were. His method of stopping a fight usually involved ripping out major organs. He was fairly certain Hawke would not approve of him doing so in this case.

“Have you ever even been in a Circle, Sebastian? Do you have any idea what you're even talking about?” Anders growled.

“And I should trust the word of an abomination who took a demon inside of him,” Sebastian countered.

“Elthina stands by idle while mages are being taken advantaged of. The time for compromise is nearing an end. You had better...” Anders shoved at Sebastian and stopped mid-sentence. On the stairs behind Sebastian he caught sight of Zevran.

“This is not over,” he snarled walking away from Fenris and Sebastian.

“Zevran,” he acknowledged the elf as he neared.

Zevran looked around, “Your clinic.”

Anders nodded and led the way. Once they were in the clinic, Zevran moved to his table and started pulling together lyrium droughts. “You have a bag? Bring whatever you need to heal.”

“Zevran, what is wrong?” Anders asked, starting to feel anxious.

“She is sick. Come.” Zevran replied moving to the door. Anders grabbed his bag and followed.

An hour later they arrived at a cavern with a fire burning. Anders followed Zevran and found her, under a pile of blankets shivering. Anders knelt down and began to cast. “What happened?”

Zevran shook his head, “She just collapsed yesterday before we could leave.”

Anders searched, “It's ok, it's powerful, but just a cold. The taint is pulling down her immune system.”

That seemed to calm Zevran, who to that point had been pacing. The elf sat and watched silently. After several minutes Kallian stopped shaking, her breathing normalized. Another few minutes she sat up.

“Anders?” she looked at him, confused.

“Yes,” he answered not looking at her face. “You fell ill. You’ll be better now.” He picked up his bag, he dug in, pulled out three vials and handed them to Zevran. “This is an elfroot extract. Just a sip a day will help keep her immune system up. You should both go now.” Without another word he left.

“Shit,” Kallian muttered. “Stay here.”

“He is mad at you?” Zevran asked her, an eyebrow raised.

“Probably, but that’s not it. His eyes were blue. He’s not him. I mean he’s Justice.” Kallian sighed and followed where Anders had gone.

“Wait,” she called out. When Anders continued walking away she tried again. “Justice, stop.”

He stopped but did not turn around. “He does not want to talk to you, you make him feel anger.”

“I know, Justice, but I want to talk to him. Let Anders back.” She asked, not moving any closer, feeling unsure of the spirit.

He let out a deep breath and clenched his fists. When he turned back around his eyes were brown. He glared at her but said nothing.

“Anders, I’m sorry,” she took a step.

“You left, Rana,” he said, anger clear in his voice.

“I know, I’m…”

“You left and I had to clean up the mess you left behind. Do you even care? I had to tell Hawke you’re dying because you didn’t do it. I told you he needed to know. You promised me you’d tell him and you didn’t.” Anders moved closer to her, all but yelling.

Kallian felt tears well up with shame, but rather than apologize she snapped back, felt defensive. “Of course I care. I was scared, I didn’t want to hurt him.”

“Well you did. You destroyed him. Completely. You lied to him and you lied to me about it and then you just left it to me to take care of it all. You left and you didn’t even bother to say goodbye. No note, nothing but a dead Templar. No word for two years. Not even a letter to tell me you’re still alive. And then you come this close to Kirkwall and still don’t look for me. Do I even matter at all?” He looked up and saw Zevran watching them, as if ready to step in if she was in danger. “What, Zevran? Is she so fragile that she needs you to protect her from facing the consequences of her actions? Maker forbid someone yell at the damned Hero!” 

Zevran held his hands up to show he did not intend to interfere. Anders heard a soft sob and looked down seeing Kallian trying to gulp back tears. “I’m sorry. Anders please, I’m sorry. Please say you don’t hate me.” She kept gulping back sobs as she spoke.

He let out a sigh and pulled her into his arms. It only took a moment for her to return the hug. “I love you, Rana. I’m sorry, I guess I was carrying around that anger for a while.”

She squeezed his torso and rested her head on his chest. “I deserved it. You were right, about all of it. And I’m sorry. I love you too.” She kept her arms around Anders only moving back enough to look at him.“You look like hell,and what's with the black?”

“Things… they are bad in Kirkwall, worse than before. Zevran, I need you to get her far away from here.” He said as he looked at the assassin

“What do you mean?” Kallian asked. “I'm not going anywhere if you need help.”

“I need to know you're safe. There's been things put into motion and I don't want you anywhere near them.” Anders voice was determined. “I love you, Rana” he pulled her in for a hug.

“Why does it feel like you're saying goodbye?” she asked, her voice worried.

“I'm not, I swear.” He looked at Zevran again, “Where are you going next?”

“Nevarra, town called Markakis.” Zevran answered.

“Ok, go. I'll find you there, I promise,” Anders kissed her forehead. “But I need you gone.”

Kallian looked at Zevran and then back to Anders and nodded. “Just swear to me you'll be there.”

“I will, give me three weeks and I’ll meet you there.” Anders swore to her. 

***

The first few days after they had helped Zevran, Hawke quietly hoped she'd appear. With every little noise in the estate he sought her out. But as the days turned into a week and then the week into almost two, he gave up that hope. Life slowly returned to normal. The more Meredith grabbed for power, the more people came to Hawke for help.

He fell into a routine, helping those that needed it during the days, meeting with his friends at the Hanged-Man for cards at night. Life was moving forward.

Then the Chantry exploded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter - battle with Meredith


	26. The Battle

**** Anders sat on the box facing away from the rest.

“You cannae let him live after what he's done!” Sebastian yelled, standing in front of Hawke.

“I've lost enough people,” Hawke pushed Sebastian back. “I'm not losing anymore people. Anders! Get up, you're coming with us to get those mages to safety before Meredith can get to them.”

“I swear to you, I will come back and find your precious Anders. I will teach him what true justice is,” Sebastian growled and stormed off.

“Thank you, Hawke,” Anders looked at him with relief as he stood up.

“You can thank me by helping us protect the mages.” he nodded and turned to the others. “How about the rest of you?”

“You have my blade, Hawke,” Aveline confirmed.

“I'm always ready for a fight,” Isabela twirled her blades.

“Of course I'll help, Hawke,” Merrill nodded a little too cheerful for someone about to enter a fight to the death.

“I'd never pass up the opportunity for a great story,” Varric nodded.

Hawke looked at Fenris who had been completely silent up to now. “Fen?” he worried this would prove to be too much for Fenris.

“Defending mages,” the elf looked up to Hawke, “you lead me to strange places my friend.” he nodded, and Hawke let out a sigh knowing the elf had his back.

“Let's head out then.” Hawke said.

***

“Maker, bloody hell,” Hawke grumbled looking at the blood on his robes. They hadn't even fought Meredith and there were already injuries, Orsino turning to blood magic in the end, forcing them to fight him, them, it... whatever.

Anders healed their companions while Hawke took a deep breath and closed his eyes, trying to center himself. For the first time in the last two years he found himself grateful that Kallian was not here. Wherever she was, at least she was safe from Meredith. As much as he missed her, thinking of her smile seemed to relax him. He took another deep breath and opened his eyes. Anders had finished his healing, and Merrill was helping the mages escape through a back room. Hawke nodded to them and they followed him out to the courtyard.

“Hawke, I have tolerated you outside of the circle against my better judgement, but now you defend these mages. You shall share their fate,” Meredith snarled when they entered the courtyard.

Cullen stepped between them, “Knight-Commander, you said we were just going to arrest the Champion. This is not right.”

“You will obey my order, Cullen,” she commanded him.

“No,” Cullen stood against her. “I defended you when Thrask started whispering you were mad, but this is too far.”

“I will not tolerate insubordination,” Meredith growled, pulling out her sword that glowed red.

“Andraste's flaming ass,” Varric muttered as Hawke's eyes widened at seeing the red lyrium sword.

Hawke moved behind the rest of the fighters, casting a barrier on them not a second too soon as Meredith struck. From behind, Anders continued the barriers and throwing healing spells as Hawke cast a lightning storm down on the Knight-Commander. They continued barraging her, hit after hit, Cullen bashed her with his shield, as she tumbled back into Fenris who slammed her down with his sword. Her armor was damaged, and blood seemed to be dripping from somewhere on her. She moved away, falling to her knees several feet away. They started moving closer but just before reaching her, she spoke.

“Maker, help your faithful servant,” Meredith cried out and leapt an unnatural height into the air, slamming back down above the stairs.

The ground shook, as the large statues in the Gallows came to life. “Seriously!” Hawke cried out disbelieving as Anders cast Rejuvenation all around.

The statues went down much quicker than anticipated, a few well placed lightning strikes against the metal statues soon had the large structures shaking and collapsing.

Several Templars ran to surround Meredith, protecting her from Hawke and the others attacking.

“Stand down,” Cullen ordered, but the Templars simply raised their swords in response. Cullen lifted his shield again to protect himself as he also raised his sword. The Templars made their move forward, clashing of steel on steel as they attacked. Hawke cast another bolt, looking over to see Cullen battling two of his own former men at once, his shield clanging as he just missed being slashed from a sword.

Isabela circled one of the Templars, ducking as the soldier swung at her. She performed Stealth and disappeared into the melee around her.

Fenris phased across the battlefield, tearing out the hearts of any Templars that made the mistake of getting too close, while Anders shot out more regeneration spells and a barrier around Cullen who seemed almost more disturbed by the barrier then he was by the attacking men.

Varric's bolts did little, bouncing off the Templars more than they penetrated, but it served as a distraction allowing for Fenris and Cullen to attack more efficiently.

Hawke's attention was suddenly drawn to the side by a loud scream. His breath caught as he saw Isabela come out of stealth with a Templars blade sliced deep into her side. She cried out a curse as she slumped down, dead or unconscious he couldn't tell. Hawke felt a lump in his throat, taking a deep breath, he realized this battle had to end before another of his companions fell. He waved his hands in the air pulling mana from the fade, more mana than he'd ever pulled before and let out a powerful yell as the heavens let loose with a myriad of lightning bolts slamming into the remaining Templars. The electricity jumped across them, frying most of them alive where they stood, and at once the remaining troops collapsed.

They moved in once again on Meredith who raised her sword to the sky.

“Maker, aid me,” she called out, slamming her sword against the ground. She screamed out, as there was a large flash knocking them all back.

Hawke rubbed his head, sitting back up, catching his breath as the wind had been knocked out of him. Fenris reached out a hand, helping Hawke stand, which he appreciatively took. Standing up he looked to where Meredith had been, and found a Meredith statue in her place. He leaned his hands on his thighs catching his breath, realizing the fight was blessedly over.

He looked off to the side, and found Anders knelt over Isabela casting large amounts of healing over her body. So much that Hawke could feel the pull on his own energy, and from the look of pain on Fenris' face, so could the elf.

Hawke held his breath watching, afraid to move, as if doing so might change the outcome. After what seemed like hours, but was probably just minutes, Anders let his magic quiet down. The battlefield seemed eerily silent as the companions all were focused on the pair. Suddenly there was a cough, and Isabela slowly rose with Anders help.

“Flaming ass, that hurt,” the rogue commented, touching her side.

Hawke and Fenris both let out a collective breath, relieved to see the pirate had survived. Anders grabbed a lyrium potion with a shaky hand. The healer let out a sigh, and helped Isabela to her feet. She was still catching her breath, “Stew from the Hanged Man is on me from now on, sexy.” Isabella purred. Anders pat her shoulder as he grinned.

Hawke heard the noise a split second before he saw Anders collapse. Two quick thwap-thwaps and as if from thin air, arrows were protruding from the healer's back. Hawke turned to see where the shots had come from, just catching the glint of armor from the rooftop as the shooter disappeared from view. Time seemed to be stuck in slow motion, all the noise disappeared, muted almost.

He heard Isabela call out Anders name as she tried without success to catch the falling man. Fenris swore beside him, as Hawke ran to his fallen friend, his legs moving too slow, stuck in molasses. The distance between them seemed to be growing longer instead of closer.

As if by magic, the world came slamming back to noise and regular speed as Hawke knelt beside Anders. He slowly turned the man on his side, he just needed to wake him enough for Anders to cast heal.  _ Why hadn't Hawke ever bothered to learn healing _ ,  _ even just a little _ , he thought, as he fought back the panic in his mind. Bethany knew how to heal, she'd taken after their father while Hawke was caught in wanting to learn the excitement of lightening instead. If Bethany was here, she could help his friend, but she was nearly ten years gone.

“Anders, Anders wake up, you need to heal, wake up,” Hawke shook the man's face. Beside him Isabela screamed loud sobs while Aveline wrapped an arm around her from behind. Varric stood agape, at a loss for words for once.

“Anders, come on, open your eyes. Justice if you can hear me, he has to heal himself.” Hawke tried reasoning with the spirit in his friend's body. Anders remained unresponsive, his head flopping listlessly when Hawke tried to shake him again.

“Hawke,” Fenris placed a hand on his shoulder.

“No!” Hawke yelled again. Not again, not another person he cared about ripped from him. “No! Anders, wake up!”

“Hawke,” Fenris bent beside him and tried to pull him away.

Hawke fell back on his backside. Tears started burning as his sight blurred. He couldn't breath. They won, it was over. They were all going to head to the Hangman and celebrate, it was really over. This... this had to be a mistake, they had won, they were victorious.

Isabela wrapped her arms around him, sobbing into Hawke's neck as he wrapped his arms around her, letting his grief go. He looked up to see Fenris bend down, picking up Anders, his body limp in the elf's arms. Isabela and Hawke helped each other up as they followed behind Fenris quietly, Varric and Aveline taking the rear.

When they reached the Hawke estate, Merrill was there waiting from them. Her hands covered her mouth and she let out a sob as she realized what had happened. Fenris laid Anders down on the couch in Hawke's library and they all stood around, clinging to each other. No one spoke a word, their victory over Meredith ringing hollow with the loss of their friend.

Merrill sat on the stairs in the main hall, her head in her hands. Fenris entered the room and sat next to her but said nothing. It had become too heavy in the other room, and he’d started to feel like his skin was crawling.

Merrill looked up at Fenris, tears running down her cheeks. “Fenris. Kallian has to know.”

Fenris sighed and shook his head. “We have no way to find her.”

Merrill nodded, fat tears falling into her lap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry. Really I am. I'm crying big sloppy tears here.  
> I'm sorry.


	27. Skyhold

******One year later**

“Duck” Fenris warned, swinging his sword as Hawke ducked out of the way. The shade behind him melted away as Fenris' sword slammed into it.

Hawke nodded his thanks before yelling out over the sounds of the battle, “Get to the Inquisitor!”

Fenris turned and ran to join with The Iron Bull, helping the large Qunari bring down the rage demon attacking Inquisitor Trevelyan. Hawke released a lightning bolt at the demon. To the other side, Warden Stroud and Varric pummeled on another shade. Both demons fell at nearly the same time, and everyone stopped to take a breath. 

Hawke put his hands on his head, covering his eyes, thinking that if he had known helping to defeat Corypheus  _ again _ would mean a trip to the Fade, he might not have been so eager to answer Varric’s call for help. A large noise caught his attention and dragged him from his thoughts.

“Crap, Boss!” The Iron Bull looked up as a spider the size of a building rose from behind a mass of rocks.

The spider positioned itself so that it stood between the party and the tear in the Fade. “We have to get that thing distracted so we can get out of here,” the Inquisitor ordered as everyone got into formation, preparing to battle the latest threat.

“The Wardens caused this problem, a Warden will end this,” Stroud offered himself up as the distraction.

“No, the Wardens are going to need a leader. Corypheus was my mess, I'll handle this.” Hawke countered.

“Hawke, no!” Varric put his hands on Hawke, trying to reason with him, watching the man with sad eyes.

“Varric, I'm sorry my friend, but I'm tired. My family's long gone, and I don’t even have a home anymore. At least I can go out saving the world.” Hawke placed a hand on Varric’s arm. “If she’s there already, maybe I’ll even find my dragon.”

“The Wardens have other leaders, Inquisitor.” Stroud argued.

The Inquisitor looked at the two of them, her eyes moving between them while trying to decide. “Stroud” she said with a heavy heart “Your sacrifice will not be forgotten, Warden.” She placed her hand on his shoulder and gave it a squeeze.

The man nodded, and ran to attack the Nightmare demon as the rest of them ran through the rift. A moment later they were stepping out into the courtyard and surrounded by Inquisition soldiers.

***

“Come on Varric, you can't still be mad at me.” Hawke tried to get the dwarf to talk to him.

“I most certainly can, Hawke. You were going to just give up. How do you think that would make me feel?” Varric glared at him, clearly pissed off.

Hawke leaned against the battlement wall and faced his friend. “Varric, I'm sorry. I'm just so tired. Tired of being the one to fix everything. Tired of losing everyone I care about. I'm just tired.”

Varric sighed but said nothing, it'd been an argument they'd had many times in the past year, ever since Anders' death.

Hawke held his hand over his eyes and just breathed, listening to nothing but the quiet breeze. A single word from below pulled him out of his contemplation.

“Dismissed.”

Hawke whipped around, scouring the grounds. He spotted Cullen talking with a few of his men. At another end, the Spymaster, Leliana walked with someone in a cloak and the Inquisition Ambassador. A few Wardens stood around near one area just falling out of formation, a tall dark haired man who appeared to be in charge of them looked at papers someone handed him. The Iron Bull and Cassandra cut across the courtyard, him gesturing during their conversation. As much as his eyes searched, he couldn't find the owner of that voice, a voice he'd know anywhere, a voice that still haunted his dreams.

Hawke sighed, deciding it was a trick of his tired mind, maybe leftover from the Fade.

“Up for a drink, Varric?” Hawke asked hoping to make peace with his best friend. The dwarf nodded, leading the way down.

Herald's Rest was filled with music and the constant humming sound of people talking and singing. It was noisy, just the type of place Hawke loved. Fenris sat beside him as he handed him and Varric each a mug of ale. Varric started to deal out the cards when he stopped mid toss of a card.

“Hawke, old buddy,” he looked at the mage, his eyes wide with surprise. “I'm about to either make your night or break your heart all over again.” He nodded his head indicating that Hawke should turn around.

He did, his eyes scanning the room to see what Varric was looking at, and a moment later they landed on her. She was facing the door, talking to the Inquisitor and Dorian. As if the rest of the room had faded away, he could make out her laughter with crystal clarity. Kallian, looking even more beautiful than she had in his dreams. Her hair was long, much longer than he remembered, pulled into a braid.  His heart felt like it would jump out of his chest at the sight of her.  Her laughter felt like a balm to his soul, he could barely breathe.

Her eyes moved to the door, and Hawke’s gaze followed, seeing Zevran enter. Zevran made no move towards her, only a slight nod of his head, which she returned. He then disappeared into the crowd. Hawke just watched her, she continued talking with the Inquisitor, not noticing him at all.

“Hawke,” Fenris spoke up next to him, bringing his attention back to his friends. He turned and looked at the man, “Go speak to her.”

“What would I even say?” Hawke asked. “She was pretty clear last time she was near Kirkwall that she didn't want to see me.”

“How about 'Hi'.” Charade suggested, ignoring the rest of Hawke's argument.

“You don’t even know who she is, cousin.” Hawke looked at Charade with sadness in his eyes.

“I don’t have to. The look on your face says she’s someone special,” Charade answered. Though they’d only met two years prior, Hawke and her had grown close. He wasn’t sure if it was because they both found a common bond in being annoyed by Gamlen’s constant drinking, or just the joy in each finally having a family member again.

Hawke turned back around and stood up, brushing the wrinkles from his robe, intending to do just what Charade had suggested. When he looked up, prepared to walk across the room, Kallian was no longer there. His mind panicked, had she seen him and fled? He searched the room and saw her exiting the tavern, her assassin holding the door for her. 

Fenris nudged him not so gently and his feet moved from where they had been glued to the ground. Exiting the tavern he looked around and caught sight of the two of them in discussion, making their way to the downward stairs.

“Kalli,” he called out, but they didn't seem to hear him. “Little Dragon.”

That appeared to work as she stopped walking immediately and stopped talking with Zevran. Hawke walked quickly, as if afraid she would bolt if he didn't. When she turned he was nearly beside her.

“Garrett?” she looked up at him, sounding as uncertain that he was in front of her as he was that she was there.

“Maker, Kalli. It's...it's really you,” he lifted a shaky hand and touched her face, needing to prove to himself she was real. 

She closed her eyes for a moment and leaned into his touch. He suddenly remembered that her companion was still there, watching but saying nothing. He pulled his hand away, missing her warmth the second he did.

“Why are you here?” she asked, her blue eyes searching his, he couldn’t look away, so instantly enraptured.

“Cleaning up a mess, I... can we go somewhere and just talk?” he asked.  He had so much to say, so much to ask, but not here, not with Zevran watching.

Before she could answer a messenger ran up to them, “Hero, Champion, you're needed immediately in the War Room.”

Hawke saw the Inquisitor exiting the tavern, probably having also been called to the meeting.

Hawke motioned with his arm for Kallian to lead the way.  Zevran walked beside Hawke saying nothing but watching the man closely.  Hawke felt uncomfortable under the gaze of the Crow, unsure what it was the elf was expecting of him.  When they neared the door, Kalli stopped and turned to the elf.

“Stay here and wait for me, you can fill me in after.” she said to him without bothering to explain  _ what _ Zevran was to fill her in on.  The elf only nodded and walked off as the Inquisitor caught up to them.

When they entered the room, Leliana, Josephine and Cullen were already there. Hawke watched them all, but his eyes kept lingering on the elf beside him. After so many years, his emotions warred inside him. Part of him wanted to tell the rest of them to take a flying leap and just pull her into his arms kissing her until she couldn't breath. Another part wanted to shake her and scream just how much she had broken his heart. He chose instead to just stand beside her, just feel her magic close again, the familiarity of it calming him.

“Inquisitor, we just received word from our spies in Starkhaven. Prince Vael is dead as of three days ago.” Leliana spoke, Josephine and the Inquisitor let out a noise of shock.

“Do we know how it happened?” the Inquisitor asked.

“He was tortured for days and then his throat was slit,” Leliana answered.

“He is lucky his body wasn’t burned as well,” Kallian hissed and everyone turned to look at her.

“This is why Zevran wasn't with you when you arrived at Skyhold. He did this?” Leliana asked her calmly, although it really didn't sound like a question.

“You had something to do with this?” Cullen growled at her, incensed.

She nodded, in answer to both of them.

“Kalli?” Hawke looked at her.

She finally looked him in the eyes again. “He killed Anders.” She replied softly.  Saying those words out loud made her feel like breaking down and crying.

She turned back to the others, “He killed my only family, I made sure he paid for that with his blood. Zevran made sure he knew pain before he died.” She had no hint of remorse in her voice at all.

Josephine quickly took notes and made some comment about how to spin this. Cullen shouted at her about how she had cost the Inquisition a powerful ally. Leliana said little, just watching her friend with understanding. Kallian looked at Hawke who gave her an approving smile, and the tension in her shoulders seemed to dissipate in response to knowing he was on her side.

“It's done, there's not much we're going to accomplish tonight by yelling,” the Inquisitor quieted them. “Josie, we'll meet in the morning and discuss strategy around this. I think everyone is just tired now, so let's all just get some rest.”

Hawke followed her out of the room, “I wish I had known it was Sebastian. I had my suspicions, but never any proof. I would have taken care of him. For Anders, for you,” he briefly brushed his fingers against her hand before she moved away.

“We only recently found proof ourselves.” She answered as they walked into the main hall. Zevran caught sight of her and stood up from the table he'd been leaning on. “They know about Starkhaven.” she told him once he was close.

“Should we make ourselves scarce then?” Zevran replied, looking around.

She shook her head, “No, they know everything. We should rest, I expect they'll have questions for us tomorrow.”

“Kalli, I was hoping...” Hawke started to say.

“Maybe later, Garrett. I'm tired, goodnight,” she cut him off, walking back to the entry without waiting for his answer. Zevran just watched Hawke expectantly for a moment then let out a sigh before following the Hero. He shook his head and muttered something in Antivan.

*** 

_ Kallian gathered her notes into a pile and wrapped them in a binder. It was all finally ready to hand off, she thought with some relief.  Years of research and scavenging finally at an end. She looked up when she heard Zevran enter. He nodded and dropped his hood onto a hook. _

_ “Your hair is a mess,” he commented looking at her with an odd expression. _

_ Kallian smirked at him. “Nice to see you too, Zev.” She gathered her long hair into a bun and pinned it up. _

_ “I have news mi amiga, from the spies in the Chantry.” He stood by her helping her pack up her papers. “It appears our killer’s conscience got the better of him and he felt the need to confess. Lucky for us, it was in a Chantry I have a spy in.” _

_ Kallian let out a relieved sigh, she’d been holding her breath for a year. “Finally. Who?” _

_ Zevran looked at her for a moment and she knew it wasn’t going to be something she wanted to hear from the look on his face. He may be a master Crow, but she’d spent the better part of a decade by his side and knew him too well. “Who, Zev?” _

_ “Prince Vael,” Zevran told her calmly. _

_ “Slash his throat,” Kallian said with little emotion in her voice as she placed her belongings into the awaiting bag. _

_ “My Warden, are you sure? You said once this man had wanted you to be his Princess, that he had affection for you. That you thought you might for him.” Zevran touched her arm. _

_ “And he killed my brother. He dies.” She snapped as she whipped around to face him. “Make sure when you do it that he knows I sent you. I want his heart to be in as much pain as he made mine. I want him to know how little his love means to me when compared to how much I loved Anders.” _

_ Zevran nodded, knowing she had made her decision, that to argue was pointless. “Where will you be while I do this?” _

_ “Leliana is an advisor for the Inquisitor. I’m going to bring this,” she motioned to the bags, “to her. See if we can make it all work. You can find me at Skyhold when it’s done.” _

_ “Si, mi amiga. Keep safe.” Zevran answered, placing a kiss on her cheek before heading back out the door to find his target. _


	28. Secrets Revealed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In Skyhold, Kallian and Zevran run into two women, each of whom have a secret about Alistair that is like a knife in Kalli's heart. More so when she realizes one of them was a secret Zevran already knew.

**** “Danarius tracked me down in Kirkwall, he is dead.”

Kallian turned herself on the bench in the garden to face whoever had spoken. Her smile grew when her eyes fell upon Fenris. He looked as if he hadn’t aged a day since she’d seen him last.  She’d been avoiding Hawke, but she had no idea Fenris was here, had she known she would have sought him out sooner. Seeing him in this moment made her feel elated.

“Fen, that's wonderful. You really are free then!” He sat down beside her, and she was surprised when he pulled her into a hug, having known him to be adverse to most touch before. But it felt good, and she hugged him back, holding him tight for several minutes.

“It's good to see you, my friend,” he tilted his head slightly and gave her a half smile.

“I've missed you, Fen.” She replied as they sat, watching a group of children running around. “Did you find your sister?”

Fenris nodded, taking her hand in his. “I did, but she was...unworthy. She tried to sell me out to Danarius. I told her to leave, never come back.”

“Oh, I'm sorry,” Kallian squeezed his hand gently. “I know how much you wanted to find your family.”

Fenris looked at their hands and ran his thumb along the back of her hand. “I do have another sister, but I had not seen her for a long time, nearly three years. I have missed her dearly.” He looked up and saw that she understood the meaning of his words.

Kallian shifted closer and Fenris let go of her hand to wrap an arm around her as she leaned into his side. “I feel the same about you, Fen. I'm happy I found you again.”

Fenris leaned to the side of the bench and produced something wrapped in paper.  He handed it to her. “I had kept that, should I see you again.”

She looked at him puzzled for a moment before tearing into the paper. Her hands stopped ripping and started to shake when she realized what it was. Sitting in her lap was a small embroidered pillow. The same one Anders said his mother had made for him. Kallian looked over at Fenris with tears in her eyes. “How...”

“We went to the clinic after... well after. It was to clean up, but I found this. He didn't have many things that looked like personal belongings, but I figured this must have had importance. I thought you would want it.” he looked at her tears and wondered if he was wrong.

Her fingers traced the embroidered design. “Fenris, you... I didn't have anything of his but an earring.” she looked up at him again, her heart hurt, but it was with joy of having something of Anders’ to hold. “Thank you.”

As she leaned against him, he looked across the garden. “Your companion seems to be staring at you.”

“I don't think it's me he's interested in watching right now,” she commented to Fenris with a half smile.

***

Kallian was again leaning on the ramparts wall watching the courtyard. It had come to be her favorite spot in Skyhold. She could watch over what was going on in Skyhold, and easily get where she needed without accidentally running into any Champions (or Commanders that yelled too much).

“You are agitated,” Nathaniel commented, his back to the courtyard as he leaned against the wall beside her.

“Ever the observant one, aren't you?” she muttered without looking at him.

“And grumpy,” he snorted.

“Hawke is here,” Zevran explained to Nathaniel.

“So then why are you here instead of somewhere sucking face with him?” Nathaniel raised his eyebrow.

“The very question I asked her,” Zevran smirked.

“I'm right here, gentlemen, stop talking as if I'm not,” she grumbled as she watched Hawke and Fenris talking with Varric. Beside Hawke was a woman, a brunette, and not unattractive, Kallian decided. The woman had been with Hawke pretty much every time Kallian had noticed him in Skyhold. Kallian had observed the two of them hug on one occasion, and laughing most of the time. It was clear there was an affection between the woman and Hawke, and even with time between them, Kallian found it still hurt to see, knowing she had been replaced. “Let's just focus on Warden business and not my non-existent love life, ok?”

“Yes, Commander,” Nathaniel answered giving her a salute.

“I hate when you do that. And you're a Commander now, so knock it off.” she rolled her eyes at him. “When are you leaving with the other Wardens?”

“A few hours. Will you be returning to Vigil’s Keep?” Nathaniel gave her a sympathetic look that she wanted to smack off of him.

“I don’t know, not sure where we’ll head to next. Maybe,” she shrugged and gave him a farewell hug before turning to Zevran. “Zev, there's someone I want to talk to in the library, care to join me?”

“I would be a sorry excuse for a bodyguard were I to let you wander off to be killed with paper cuts, would I not?” he teased while motioning for her to lead the way.  He bid farewell to Nathaniel as they left.

Kallian looked around the Inquisition library in awe. The only thing she could compare it to was the large library the Circle had in Kirkwall. There were floor to ceiling shelves covered with books. As she walked through she noticed the Inquisitor in one corner sitting in a chair talking with Dorian. Watching them talk, the playful lilt of their conversation made her think of her and Anders, and she sighed, missing him all the more.  It may have been three years since she had actually spent quality time with him, but knowing he was always somewhere if she had needed him gave her peace.  Now that it was no longer an option, she found herself missing him every day.

She looked around the room and then found the object of her search, Grand Enchanter Fiona. Kallian had heard so much about the woman. Like her, she was a Circle mage, an elf and, at one point, a Grey Warden. Though they had never met, she had become somewhat of a fascination for Kallian. When she had heard the woman was here at Skyhold, she couldn't wait to meet her in person. Kallian approached the woman shyly.

“Greetings, child,” Fiona said, her eyes falling on Kallian.

“I...hi,” she felt butterflies in her stomach, “I'm, ah, Kallian Surana. It's an honor to meet you.”

“Ah, the Hero. It is my honor,” Fiona's eyes were kind, her smile warm, setting Kallian at ease.

“How are you finding the Inquisition, Grand Enchanter?” Kallian asked her.

Fiona chuckled warmly, “It is better than being hunted by Templars.” she winked at Kallian, “But I am not a Grand Enchanter anymore young one, just another here to help. Odd where fate takes you, as you are no doubt well aware?”

“You were once a Grey Warden though, right?” Kallian asked.  Fiona may have called her the Hero, but to Kallian, it was Fiona that wore that title.

Fiona nodded, “Yes, but mine was an odd circumstance. Long ago I found myself stripped of the taint. They tried to reinitiate me, but nothing worked, nor could they figure out what had happened. And so I was removed from the Wardens.”

“Oh,” Kallian answered and looked at Zevran who had been keeping back, leaning against the railing. She wondered what that would mean for her.

“And then you helped lead the mage rebellion?” she questioned.

“In a manner of speaking. I pushed for our vote to free the circles of magi, but I am not responsible for what followed,” Fiona answered.

Kallian nodded, she knew Anders had played a role in the start.

“And what of you, Hero? I have not heard much of you for many years.” Fiona asked her, watching her with kind eyes.

Kallian played with her charms, moving them around on the chain. She couldn't spill the secrets that had brought her here, much as she wanted to. “I was charged with a secret task for the Wardens, but that is done now. I find myself, for the first time, without a job.”

“Ah, relaxation is not always a bad thing,” Fiona chuckled. The smile on her face dropped when she noticed what Kallian was doing. “Where... where did you get that?”

Kallian looked down, playing with the locket had become such a nervous habit that she hadn't even realized she had been doing it. “This. It belonged to Alistair. It was his mother's.”

Fiona's hand shook, “May I?” she asked as she reached out for it.

Kallian nodded, but wondered about the woman's odd reaction. Fiona held the locket, still dangled around Kallian's neck, and ran the fingertips of one hand gently over the design engraved.

“How did you come to have this?” she asked, her voice soft.

Kallian looked down. “When he died, I wanted something of his to remember him by. I knew that they wouldn't let me keep anything, so I took this from him when they weren’t looking.”

“You loved him?” she asked, to which Kallian nodded.  Words couldn’t convey just how much, so she didn’t bother trying.

“Alistair, he was a good man? Kind?” she asked.

“He was the kindest man I knew.” Kallian answered, “He had a good heart, and a wonderful laugh. I miss him every day.” Her voice became soft as she fought back the tears in her eyes.

Fiona put the locket back down, “What did they tell him about his mother?” she asked.

“His mother?” Kallian was confused. “I don't think he knew much, just that she was a servant at the castle.”

Fiona looked at the ground and then her eyes met Kallian's again, this time with tears. “She wasn't.”

“You know who his mother was?”

Fiona nodded, “I do. And I thank you.”

“For what?” Kallian felt like she had walked into the middle of a conversation, and was completely lost.

“For loving my son. For giving him someone to love.”

Kallian felt her jaw drop, “Y...you? You're his...his...”

Fiona nodded, and took Kallian's hand giving it a squeeze. Kallian looked at their hands joined, tears filling her eyes. “They lied to him? Those bastards couldn't even be honest with him about this? It was better that he was treated like dirt then know his mother was an elf? He thought you were dead. If he had known, he would have wanted to find you.”

Fiona sighed. “It is in the past now, my child. It can't be undone.” She touched Kallian’s cheek softly. “Knowing he had someone to love him, it gives me peace. I am grateful to have met you.”

“I..”, Kallian wiped a tear from her eye. “I am too. I... I need some time to process this, but, could I write to you, after we've gone? He'd want you to know about him.”

“I'd like that,” Fiona said, giving Kallian's hand another squeeze before letting it drop.

***

Zevran and Kallian walked through the garden. She was still in shock from the news she had just been given by Fiona and had not said much since leaving the library. Zevran elbowed her gently, and chuckled “There appears to be a sneaky witch thief in the garden.”

Kallian's eyes searched the garden until she spotted Morrigan sitting on a bench reading a book. Her eyes lit up and she looked at Zevran who nodded. The pair walked over to the witch, who looked up when a shadow fell upon her book.

“Why are you...” she stopped speaking when she looked up to see who was in front of her and a smile graced her face. “Kallian Surana. You are a sight for sore eyes.” Morrigan stood up hugging her dear friend. When they broke the hug, Zevran took Morrigan's hand and kissed it lightly.

“Morrigan, it's so good to see you. I didn't realize you'd be here,” Kallian voice was light, joy at seeing an old friend.  She took the woman's hand as they sat on the bench.

“I am here to help with the arcane,” Morrigan explained. “It is good to see you both. It has been too long.”

The three of them caught up on the last ten years. Seeing Morrigan was lifting Kallian's spirits, her previous feelings of agitation from her talk with Fiona slowly falling away. Eventually their conversation landed on the one thing they were all dancing around.

“The thing I don't understand, Morrigan, is why you never showed up on the roof. Did someone prevent you from getting to us in time?” she asked.

Morrigan looked like her heart broke at that moment. “He never told you? Oh Kallian, I thought he told you.”

“Alistair? What didn't he tell me?” Her voice wavered.

_ Alistair pushed Morrigan down onto the bed, kissing her in a way that made it clear to Morrigan it wasn't her that he was thinking of. Morrigan closed her eyes and reminded herself of why they were there for. With her eyes closed she could pretend he was there for her. Alistair's hand ran down her side, brushing along her breast while his soft lips brushed along her neck. Morrigan let out a small moan. _

_ He sat up suddenly, his knees over the edge of the bed and put his head in his hands. “I can't do this.” _

“ _ Alistair, it's required, to save you both,” Morrigan ran her hand along his back. _

“ _ I can't, Morrigan. It's bad enough I'm doing...this” he grimaced, moving his hand between them. “I don't care what she says, this is a betrayal to Kal. I was raised as a bastard, believing I wasn't worthy of my father loving me, that there was something wrong with me. I can't, no I won't, do that to another child.” _

_ He looked at Morrigan, “I won't interfere with you raising our son or daughter, but I can't  _ not _ be there either. They need to know who I am, they need to know I love them. I need to be a part of their life.” _

“ _ That's not part of the arrangement, Alistair, I'm sorry,” Morrigan shook her head. _

“ _ No, I'm sorry. But I can't do this,” Alistair walked out of the room before she could stop him. _

“I'm sorry Kallian, had I known that it meant he'd take that blow, I would have worked something out. I wouldn't have denied him no matter what the repercussions with my mother.” Morrigan sighed with tears falling down her face. “I only wanted to save you both.”

Kallian covered her mouth with both hands, her vision blurry with the tears that filled it. She replayed that day in her head. Things that had seemed random suddenly made sense. She shook her head.

“He never told me, he didn't say anything at all that night.” she looked at Zevran, “But he told you and Sten, didn't he? That's why Sten knew to keep me from running after him, keep me from being able to cast?”

Zevran, to his credit, looked her right in the eyes and nodded. “I am sorry, My Warden. He swore me to keep his secret.”

Kallian nodded, she knew Zevran was loyal to a fault. Still, she was hurt. Everyone knew but her, they must have all thought her a fool.

“I...I need to be alone,” she walked away from the garden.


	29. FINALLY!!

Kallian stood along the wall of the ramparts looking out to the mountains. Her fingers played with his locket, knowing the feel of it by heart, the intricate design on it. It represented one more lie, but it was one of the only two things she had of him, and she couldn't bear to part with it.

Pained tears ran down her face as she looked into the distance. Maybe she should just disappear. Everything she encountered since she had arrived at Skyhold had been painful. Seeing Hawke with that woman, learning the truth about Fiona and now the news from Morrigan. She wondered if she asked him, if Fenris could just rip her heart out for her, it hurt too much to be useful anymore. She twirled the locket in her hand, watching as the light shimmered off it.

***

“ _ I wondered where his locket had disappeared to.” _

_ Kallian looked up from where she was sitting on the edge of the palace wall, hiding from the festivities going on inside. She had no desire to celebrate the end of the Blight, given the cost. Her fingers had been playing with Alistair's locket wrapped around her hands when Bann Teagan had spoken. _

_ She looked down at the locket and bit her lip. She supposed it had been too much to hope for that she'd be allowed it. “I'm sorry, Bann.” she reached her hand out towards him. _

_ To her surprise he shook his head, “No, Hero, he would want for you to have it. It is yours.” _

_ She cringed, “Please don't call me that.” she whispered. She hated that title. She was not a Hero, he was, and he was gone now. Nothing left anymore but some ashes and the locket in her hand. _

“ _ Lady Surana then.” Teagan nodded to her.  Kallian lifted her head to look at him.  He was the only noble to ever call her ‘Lady’.  Most looked down at her, she may have helped end the Blight, but to most of them, she was still a knife-ear. “He loved you, my nephew. I could tell the minute the two of you showed up in Redcliff. The way he looked at you, it was hard to miss.” _

_ Kallian nodded, unable to speak, the lump in her throat too large. She thought back to that day, that had been the day he had told her who he really was, that he was a prince.  It was also the same day that he had told her that it changed nothing for him, that when the Blight was over, he was going to make her his wife. _

“ _ Alistair did not have a good life. I wish I had insisted harder that my brother allow me to raise the boy. He deserved better. You gave him better, my Lady. For that I will be eternally grateful.” Teagan gave her a kind smile when she looked up at him again. He understood her broken heart all too well. _

_ Kallian looked to the Bann who was watching her. All night everyone else was busy cheering the end of the Blight, or the official coronation of the Queen, or trying to win favor with her. Teagan had been the only one, excluding her companions, that appeared to actually be mourning Alistair. All night Teagan’s lips had been in a firm line, he’d been near the wall drinking quietly, the heartbreak in his eyes unmistakable. She watched him, with tears in her eyes. Alistair never had anything but good to say about the man in front of her now. She closed her eyes for a moment and realized he was probably the one person in his life that had actually ever given a damn about him. _

“ _ Thank you, Bann,” she said quietly. _

“ _ Teagan, please.” he tilted his head towards her. “I heard someone say you were heading to Vigils' Keep to set up the Warden base, Lady Surana?” _

_ Kallian nodded. “If I'm to call you Teagan, then you can certainly call me Kalli.” _

“ _ Kalli,” Teagan said stepping a little closer. “I am being named the new Arl of Redcliff. I know it it little compensation, but if you ever need a home, somewhere safe, please know that Redcliff's doors will always be open to you. I can never repay you for what you gave Alistair, and nothing will ever make up for his loss,” she heard him swallow back what sounded like a sob at that. “Just know you will always have a home there.” _

_ “Why would you do that for me?” she asked suspiciously.  She knew the man loved Alistair, but she also knew nobles rarely made offers without expecting something in return. _

_ “For Alistair. I can’t think of a better way to honor his memory, his sac…” she heard Teagan choke back a sob, “his sacrifice, than by seeing that you are provided for. It’s for him that I make this offer. He loved you, and had he lived, perhaps the two of you would have settled there yourselves.” _

“ _ Thank you, Teagan,” she said, looking again at the locket in her hand. _

***

“Are you angry with me, My Warden?”

Kallian let out a sigh, and pushed back from the wall. She turned to look at the former Crow that had become her constant companion over the last ten years. He was watching her, waiting for her answer.

She shook her head. “No, Zev. I'm upset, but not with you.” She slid down to sit along the wall. Zevran walked over and joined her on the ground. She was hurt, but she understood why he had done what he had. She loved him, and she’d lost too many to let her hurt cost her another person she held dear.

She played with the locket in her hand again. “It seems like all everyone does is lie. They lied to Alistair his whole life about who his mother was. Alistair lied to me about what was going to happen on that roof.”

“The hope had been that Riordan would succeed and it would not come to that,” Zevran answered placing an arm around her as she leaned against his shoulder.

“I know, Zev,” she shrugged. “I just wonder how many other things he lied to me about.”

“He loved you, Corazón. That should be all that really matters in the end,” Zevran watched her play with a small fire ball in her hand. She nodded but said nothing. “There is someone else here that carries you in his heart. You should talk with him.”

Kallian shook her head. “It's been too long, Zev. He's clearly with someone else. It's better for me to just avoid him and finish what we have to do here and move on.”

“To what, mi amiga?” he asked to which she just shrugged again.

“I just want to get away from here, coming to Skyhold was clearly a mistake. Maybe we can just find someplace quiet to live.” Kallian suggested.

“Ah yes, because I do so enjoy quiet and boredom,” Zevran squeezed her in his arm and pressed his cheek to the top of her head. He wished he had the words to help her, but actions, not words, had always been his strength.

***

Hawke spent the next two days trying to get Kallian's attention so that he might talk to her, but every time he'd get close she'd bolt. Sometimes someone would get to her first, pulling her into something official, but more often than not, he felt as if she was purposely avoiding him. After that afternoon he decided to give up trying. It was clear too much time had passed and that she didn't want anything more to do with him. To keep pressing was just setting himself up for further heartbreak.

He sat at Varric's table with Varric and Fenris sharing a drink. “I'm heading out tomorrow to Ferelden. Are you still coming along, Fen?”

Fenris nodded, “I am ready to find somewhere quiet for once,” he chuckled. “Until you get bored again.”

“Charade plans to stay here and help the Inquisition. Look out for her, will you Varric?” Hawke asked.

Varric nodded. “What about your dragon, Hawke?” He raised an eyebrow.

“She's not my dragon anymore, Varric. She's more than made it clear she doesn't want to talk to me. Staying here is just pouring salt into the wound. The faster I can put space between her and me the better.” Hawke answered, his face falling.

Varric sighed and nodded, “You're killing me, Hawke. This is not an ending that will sell books.”

“You're good at making up tales, Varric.” Hawke patted Varric's hand and smirked.

Fenris noticed Kallian's companion, Zevran, motion to him. He excused himself and joined the other elf at the doorway.

“We need to talk, my handsome friend,” Zevran winked at him.

Fenris let out a cough to try to cover for the blush he could feel running up his face and nodded for the other to lead the way.

***

Hawke was nearly done packing when a messenger delivered a note from Fenris saying they needed to talk and asking him to meet him near the guest suites of Skyhold.

“I'm here, what did you need to discuss?” Hawke wondered as he entered the room, placing his travel bag by the door. It appeared to be an unused guest room, with little more than a bed, a table and a few chairs.

Fenris turned from the window he was looking out of and peered at Hawke from beneath white bangs. Hawke realized too late that he knew that look. Fenris was hiding something from him. 

“Fen?” he asked with a warning in his voice. He was not in the mood for secrets.

Fenris walked quickly across the room so that he was now blocking Hawke's path to the door. “We are awaiting company,” was all Fenris would offer up as explanation.

“Who are we...” Hawke didn't get to finish his question as the door was kicked open further and Zevran entered dragging an agitated Kallian behind him.

She glared at Zevran the moment she realized Hawke was in the room. Fenris stepped behind them both and left the room. 

“Talk.” Zevran pointed a finger between her and Hawke.

Hawke pinched his nose and closed his eyes imagining all the ways he was going to kill the white haired elf when he saw him next. He sighed and listened to the two fight as he leaned against one of the chairs.

“This isn't necessary, Zev. Let me go and I promise not to set you on fire.” Kallian growled.

“No, Kallian. It is necessary. Alistair did not want you to be alone, this is not what he would want for you.” Zevran replied holding her arms at her side and forcing him to face her. “He is gone, and I am sorry for that, mi amiga. But Hawke, he is here, and I have listened to you cry yourself to sleep for him too long. Just talk to him. Tell him. I have followed by your side for years, done your bidding, now you listen to my request and do this.”

Hawke opened his eyes and looked at the two elves who were focused on each other. She had cried over him? And not just once, but enough that her friend used the term 'too long'? It pleased him more than it probably should to hear that she had shed tears for him.

Zevran stepped back towards the door. “We are not letting you out until you talk.” The elf looked at Hawke and pointed to Kallian, “Tell her how you feel about her. Ask her why we are here.” That last sentence earned him a particularly harsh glare from Kallian. Zevran walked outside the door where Fenris waited and closed it behind him.

Kallian stared at the closed door, clearly trying to avoid looking at Hawke. He watched her for a moment, waiting to see if she would speak first. When she just looked at her feet he decided to take the Crow's advice. “Why are you at Skyhold?'

Her eyes moved up and looked at him for the first time since entering the room. The harshness that had been in her eyes earlier changed into something different, almost like fear. “Are you married?” she said, barely above a whisper.

“No,” he answered moving the chair out of the way and taking a step closer to her. “Why are you here?”

“Is she your girlfriend?” she ignored his question, her eyes searching his face.

“No,” he took another step, pushing another chair aside. “Charade is my cousin. How could I find someone else when you left with my heart years ago? There’s no one but you.”

He closed the distance between them as her blue eyes looked up into his, he could see the tears that had started to run down her cheeks.

“Garrett,” she said his name as if it was the most precious thing in the world to her, and then stood on her toes to reach his lips, holding onto his shoulders. He wrapped his arms around her waist holding her to him unwilling to let her move away. Her hands worked their way up, behind his neck, and her fingers slid through his hair. As she opened her mouth, he took the opportunity to press his tongue in. Even after so many years, the taste of her was familiar, comforting.

When she finally pulled back in need of breath, her feet fell back softly to the ground their eyes still locked. Hawke brushed away the tear falling from her eye with his thumb. 

“Kallian,” he bent down kissing her lips again, needing to feel them against his even though it had only been a few moments. She was really in his arms. He took a deep breath afraid to break the spell. “Please, stay.” he whispered the words he'd been wanting to say to her for so long.

Her hands rested on his upper arms. She lifted one up to trace his face with her fingertips, as if committing it to memory, but she didn't answer him. She also wasn't pulling away either, so he did what Garrett Hawke always did, he pressed his luck. 

“Stay with me, Kalli. I don't care if all you have left is a few years. Please, just stay. I'd rather only have a few years with you in my arms than one more day without you. The last three years have been hell, please don't ask me to let you go again. Just let me have what time you have left.” He could feel his heart pounding in his chest, so terrified that she’d reject him again.

She let out what sounded like a small sob, new tears coming to her eyes. “Garrett,” she ran her fingers through his hair again.

Before she could say more he shook his head. “No, Kalli. Please, I can't let you go, not again. Just stay, please.” he begged.

She let out a small noise, almost a laugh. “I'm not dying, Garrett,” her hand ran along his cheek again.

“You lied?” he asked, searching her eyes, feeling his heart clench, that she had made up a lie to run from him. But Anders had confirmed it to be the truth, he reminded himself.

“No,” she shook her head. “We found a cure. That's why I needed the scales, and the Wyvern tooth, and so many other stupid things that Zev and I went all over Thedas for. It worked. That's why I'm here, because it worked. The Inquisition Spymaster was with me in the Blight so I knew I could trust her with this. We gave the formula to the Inquisition to help others. I'm going to live.”

He felt a lump stick in his throat as he watched her, his heart stopping at her declaration. “You're going to live?”

“Regretting asking me to stay now?” she raised an eyebrow.

“Never,” he shook his head as he bent down and lifted her up so that her head was at his level. They kissed slowly as he carried her towards the bed. Her legs wrapped around his waist as he walked. He sank to the bed with her still wrapped around him, placing her down, his body lying on top of her. “I love you, Kallian.”

She pulled his face down kissing him again. “I love you, Garrett.” she answered as her fingers started unbuttoning his robe.

***

_ Kallian poured over the book in front of her, checking off in her head the items they'd found. The crown scales of a High Dragon, a Quillback's feather, the eyetooth of a Wyvern and several other items. They were getting close, and if this worked, it would change everything. _

_ She looked up to the entrance of the cave hearing a noise, hopeful that perhaps it was finally Anders catching up with them, while cautious that it might be bandits. She quelled the fireball in her hand when she saw Zevran enter. _

“ _ My Warden, we need to talk,” he said softly as he placed his pack down. _

_ Kallian nodded, looking back down at the book. They were near the Nevarran border, the next item was blood from a Nevarran Racerback. This was becoming a ridiculous scavenger hunt that she prayed paid off. _

“ _ Mi amiga,” he said again, moving closer. _

“ _ Hmm, talk yes. What is it Zev?” she asked still reading, only half paying attention to him. _

_ Zevran took the book out of her hand and placed it on the ground kneeling in front of her. “Kallian, forget the book for a moment.” _

“ _ But Zev, we're...” _

“ _ There was news in town, something happened in Kirkwall.” he took her hands in his, looking at her. _

“ _ Garret?” she asked, her voice shaking. _

_ Zevran shook his head, “Corazón, I am sorry. It is Anders. I do not know all the details, only that there was a bomb and then a fight in the Gallows. I am sorry My Warden. He was killed. And not by the fighting they are saying.” _

_ Her mouth went dry. She looked at him, the words he was saying didn’t make sense in her brain. Since she was seven, Anders was always there, even if not physically near by, she always took comfort in knowing he was out there somewhere. What he was telling her, her brain couldn’t understand. For Anders to just not be anymore wasn’t possible.  He had to still be alive, how would she be ok if he wasn’t there anymore?  _

_ She looked in Zevran’s eyes and could see him watching her face closely, his hand ran along her arm. Her closest companion of so many years, always looking out for her, following her across Thedas. He would never say something so cruel if it wasn't true. _

“ _ H..how?” she asked, trying to fight back the tears. _

“ _ I do not know yet, but I have put out word to my spies, we will find who is responsible.” he squeezed her hand. _

“ _ When we find who, I want you to kill them Zev. Make sure it is a slow, painful death.” she took in a deep breath trying unsuccessfully to hold back the tears. _

“ _ Of course, My Warden.” Zevran nodded and pulled her into his arms, rocking her as she wailed. Her heart had never felt so broken. Not when Alistair died, not when she had left Hawke. He was her family, and she would never see him again. How was she supposed to breathe, how would she ever be ok again if he was really gone from the world? _

***

Garrett awoke somewhere he never thought he'd be again. In a bed with a sleeping Kallian Surana in his arms. Her head was resting near his heart, he could feel her breath lightly tickle the hair on his chest. She was here, safe, and more importantly, she had told him she loved him. She swore she'd stay, and here she was. He felt his heart catch fire with the knowledge that she was really here, that for the first time in years he had not awoken in the middle of the night to a feeling of emptiness, of missing a piece of him. Garrett looked down when he heard her start to make a noise that sounded like a muffled cry.

“Kalli, love,” he gently touched her face. “Wake up, love, it's ok.”

She blinked and then looked around for a moment before seeming to realize where she was. She made a relieved sound when her eyes fell upon his. 

“Hi,” she whispered, sliding herself up slightly to press a soft kiss to his lips, one he gladly accepted. She then snuggled up to him on her side, pressing her head along his shoulder as she traced her fingertips along his chest. Garrett kissed her forehead as his hand moved along her arm affectionately, waiting for her to talk.

“Were you with him? Anders?” she asked, her eyes concentrating on the patterns she was making on his chest.

Hawke squeezed his arm around her, he could hear the sadness in her voice and realized this was what her dream was about. “I was there.”

“Did he suffer? Was he scared?” Her voice was quieter, and he could feel more tears fall on his shoulder.

“No, it was very quick. I don't think he felt anything,” He ran a comforting hand along her arm and let her cry, feeling as if maybe she needed to let it out.

“Why didn't Justice help?” she asked after a few minutes, turning her head slightly to look up at him as her arm wrapped around his waist.

“Merrill found that the arrows were laced with blessed water and blood lotus. We're not sure if they just incapacitated Justice or destroyed him outright. Either way, Justice never appeared. I tried calling to him, tried to get him to appear. I had thought he could have saved him, but he never awoke.” Hawke squeezed her arm. “We took him to the Wounded Coast for the pyre. He was always happy there, I thought it would mean something to him to rest there.”

Kallian raised her head, and looked at him. He could see the tears freely running down her cheeks. “Thank you, Garrett. For being there.” Hawke just nodded in response, pulling her close.

“You're really going to stay?” he asked, afraid of the answer, but desperately needing to hear it just the same.

She looked into his eyes. “I'm really going to stay,” her hand left his waist and ran along his jaw, through his beard. “I finished my missions, the cure is found, and Vael is dead. There's nothing keeping me away, this is where I want to be. With you.” As if to prove her point she tilted his head towards her and kissed him softly.

“Come love, it's still dark, lets sleep while we can.” he whispered into her ear as she snuggled against him once again.

***

“It's very difficult to brush my hair when you keep doing that,” Kallian playfully tried batting Hawke away from her.

“You'll just have to figure out a way,” he said pressing another kiss to the side of her neck, causing her to shiver. Hawke found he was enjoying the affect his touch was having on her.

“So where are we heading off to?” she asked, watching him through the mirror as she went back to attempting to brush her hair.

“Fen and I had plans to go to Ferelden. Maybe Lothering? I could understand if you wanted to avoid Denerim.” he answered.

“Ferelden sounds wonderful.” she sighed. She frowned slightly noticing he had let go of her and backed away. She turned around to face him, “Garrett?”

He reached out and took her hand. “What would you say to the idea of getting a home there, of settling down?”

“I think that would be nice. I've had too many years wandering around. Having a home would be a dream. The Arl of Redcliff has offered multiple times to provide me with some land for a home, should I ever want,” she nodded.

“So you'd like to put down roots. Stay in one place?” He asked, trying not to sound too hopeful.

Kallian nodded, watching him to see where he was headed with his questions.

“With me?” he added.

“I figured that was part of the package,” she grinned moving a little closer.

“What if I wanted more than just a home?” he asked, brushing his hand across her cheek.

“You want another mabari?” she teased him.

“Well, yes,” he snorted, “but what if...” he looked down and took a deep breath to give himself courage, “what if I said I've been holding onto something for you for three years. That it's still in my bag waiting for you. That I want to give it to you, but I'm afraid to because of how bad it went last time I tried.” He prayed to the Maker she understood his ramblings.

She watched him, small tears in her eyes again as she pressed onto her toes to give him a soft kiss on the lips, “Well then, I'd tell you that maybe you should try again and give me a chance to set things right with us.”

Hawke took a deep breath and reached into his pouch, pulling out the simple band of silver with three rubies in it. He put it on the ring finger of her hand and held it, “Kalli...”

“Yes”, she interrupted.

“Kalli, will you...”, he began again.

“Yes,” she interrupted again, this time practically bouncing.

“You're not even going to let me ask, are you?” he teased, his smile large.

“No,” she replied, wrapping her arms around his neck as she stretched as high up as she could to capture his lips with hers. Hawke lifted her up higher, and smiled against her kiss.

“So it is good now? She has said yes, no?” they both turned to see Zevran and Fenris watching them from the doorway.

“Please tell me you weren't out there all night.” Hawke sighed as he let go of Kallian.

“No, mi amigo. Your tall elf friend and I found  _ other _ ways to entertain ourselves,” Zevran waggled an eyebrow and made a lewd gesture.

“Ugh, I don't want to know details, Zev.” Kallian shivered, pulling him into a hug while Fenris entered offering Hawke a word of congratulations and a handshake.

“So, no setting your favorite Antivan on fire then?” Zevran smirked at her as he kissed her cheek.

“You're safe. We need to go pack, Ferelden calls.” she took his arm, weaving hers around it and taking his hand to lead him towards the door, “I'll meet you in the courtyard.” she called out to Hawke.

“Oh Ferelden, good. I was just thinking how much I missed freezing cold and the smell of wet dog,” Zevran chuckled, walking with her.


	30. The End and The Beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two smuts because they have a lot of time to make up for.
> 
> We wrap up the story with these two. I'm going to miss them, but as you'll see, they're going to be ok. And then, cause I suck and can't just not pull at your heartstrings, I leave you with a memory of Anders.

**** Hawke poked at the fire with a stick, watching it stir up again. Zevran and Fenris had both retired to their own tents for the night, leaving Kallian and him on first watch. He’d changed into a shirt and breeches for comfort instead of the robes, finding that they sometimes made movement through camp difficult. It had been four days since they’d left Skyhold, and holding her in his arms every night as he fell asleep had been a balm for his damaged soul. Now that she was back, he swore he’d never let her go again. He’d follow her wherever she needed to go if that’s what it took, but the last few years had been a hell he never wanted to repeat again. While riding the last few days, she’d taken to sharing his horse so that she could be in his arms during the journey, clearly also wishing for the same closeness.

Kallian tended to the horses, checking their water, and then walked over to sit beside him. Hawke grabbed her arm before she could and pulled her onto his lap instead. She gave him a warm grin before settling down to sit perpendicular to him on his legs. Her arms wrapped around his neck and his lay around her hips. They sat like that as they listened to the quiet of the forest. 

“Have you been back to Ferelden since the Blight?” Kallian asked him. 

Hawke shook his head. “You?”

“Only once,” she answered. “We needed some help getting into the Anderfels. We stopped to see Arl Teagan in Redcliff. He provided us the papers we needed.”

“He’s the one that you think will help us find a place for a home?” He asked, his hand running along her bare leg under her robe.

She nodded. “He’s a man of his word. He’s made it clear many times he has something set aside if I ever wished to claim it.”

“And he has no ulterior motive?” Hawke asked, worried it wasn’t intended for her and a husband to use.

She shook her head. “He loved Alistair, said the best way he could think of to honor his memory was to see that I was looked out for. He wanted to repay me for my service to Ferelden. You’ll like him, he’s a good man. He’s honorable, unlike most of the nobles I met in Denerim.” Her fingertips brushed through his hair and she kissed his nose.

They froze as they heard a noise. Both listening, getting ready to cast if they needed. Then they heard it again and looked at each other, Kallian starting to blush. It was quiet, but it was clearly a moan. 

“I thought they went to different tents?” Kallian whispered. Since leaving Skyhold, Fenris and Zevran hadn’t shown any signs that there was more between them then one night. They’d talked little to each other directly, and while friendly enough, didn’t seem to be growing any closer.

A murmur, too quiet to make out, but loud enough to know it was in Tevene reached their ears and Hawke smirked. “It would appear not.”

Another moan was heard, and Hawke felt himself start to grow hard in response to the small sounds starting to fill their camp. Kallian was looking in the direction of the tent, still blushing. Hawke pulled her ear into his lips and began to nibble.

“Garrett,” she sounded surprised. “We’re supposed to be on watch.”

“Hmmm,” he nibbled on her neck. His hands started turning her hips and she didn’t provide any resistance, moving to face him, straddling his legs. One of his hands ran along the back of her neck as he kissed her. She slid closer so that her hips were now pressed along his. 

Another moan from the tent and Hawke felt himself fully harden. He worried she’d find it odd that he’d get turned on hearing Zevran and Fenris, but it seemed to be having the same effect on her as she rocked her hips into him, her robes bunching around her.

“Kalli,” he whispered into her ear. “I want to be in you, please. I can’t wait.”

She nodded, as her hands flew down to untie his breeches, clearly just as greedy for him as he was for her. Once unlaced he helped her wiggle them down just enough for his member to be freed. She ran her fingers lightly up and down it as they kissed, her touch sending shivers up his spine and causing butterflies in his gut. Hawke reached his hands under her robes and pushed aside her smalls, then lifted her slightly before seating himself inside her without any preamble. They both moaned at the sensation, barely above a whisper, neither wanting the occupants of the tent to hear them.

“You feel so fucking good,” he whispered in her ear. “Hmmm...do you know how much I think of this every day?” He asked as he placed his hands on her hips underneath her robes and moved her along him. 

She nodded. “I think about riding your hand while we’re on the horse.” She moaned. “I think about you touching me as we’re riding. Where the others can’t see, you making me come. I have to be quiet so they won’t know as your fingers fill me. They think it’s just the horse moving us, but it’s you, making me so wet, touching me.”

Hawke’s hands gripped on her hips tighter. He made a vow that he was doing that exact thing to her as soon as possible, the idea of it, of having to act like nothing was happening as he brought her to orgasm turned him on. She rode him now, her hands on his shoulders moving herself up and down his length, her eyes locked on his as she made no noise at all, only the soft sounds of their lovemaking filling the air around them.

She leaned her head down to his ear. “I love you Garrett. I want to be your wife, as quick as we can, I want to be yours forever, I want you like this, all the time.” 

Hawke kissed her again, feeling her most intimate muscles start to pull at him as she bounced on him. She was so wet, so tight, he knew he wasn’t going to last long. The images she was putting into his mind. Thinking about their new home, the idea of taking her in every room, bending her over the kitchen counter, on the floor in front of the fire. Taking her in every position his mind could dream up, they couldn’t get to Ferelden fast enough. He wanted to fill her with his seed, watch his child grow in her. He could feel the pull on his balls, as he bounced her harder on him, he wanted to fill her now, and then when their watch was over, he was going to fuck her hard. Let the others hear, he didn’t care, this was quick, later he’d take her and make it clear she was his. He pulled her down, rocking his hips while holding her in place as she came, gripping him.

“Fuck, oh Garrett,” she whispered in his ear. “Holy maker, you are so hard. Come, please. Fuck I need you.”

Hearing her vulgarity sent him over the top as his balls tightened and he spilled into her, biting his lip to keep from calling out. His hot seed shooting into her, claiming her. She was his, and the minute they found someone to do a ceremony, he was going to make it permanent. She laid her head on his shoulder trying to catch her breath, as he softened inside her.

“I love you, Kalli.” He tried catching his breath.

“And I, you,” she kissed his neck.

*** 

Kallian stepped from behind the changing screen and turned in front of Zevran. “What do you think?” 

He nodded as his eyes moved up and down her, appraising the outfit. “I like this look. It is a change. A good one.”

“I thought it would be easier for riding. We have nearly two weeks still.” She looked over her new outfit of riding pants and an oversized shirt. It was the smallest they had in the store, but was still large on her frame.

“It is a good choice,” he smiled at her. She paid the merchant and folded her robes, Zevran insisted on carrying them for her.

They walked across the market picking up supplies for their trip. Deciding they had what they required, the pair returned to their camp outside of the small village.

As they entered the camp, they heard several voices talking. Zevran stepped in front of Kalli, in a protective stance as they moved closer. Getting a better view of the camp, they both relaxed, seeing Hawke and Fenris talking to Nathaniel. 

“Nathaniel?” She was surprised to see him out this far.

“Apparently I stumbled upon your camp while on a patrol,” he chuckled. “I see you worked things out after all?” He gave her a knowing grin.

Hawke reached for Kallian’s hand and pulled her close, wrapping an arm around her waist when she was near enough. “Kalli has agreed to be my bride, and I’m not going to let her out of that horrible decision,” Hawke chuckled.

“Congratulations then,” Nathaniel bowed his head. “When is the big day, Commander?”

“Stop calling me that,  _ Commander _ .” She teased back and then shrugged. “We have to figure out who’d even do it. It’s not easy to find someone willing to marry an elf and a human who happen to also be mages.”

“You’re a Warden,” Nathaniel told her.

“I don’t think they’d care,” Kallian answered.

“No, I mean, because you’re a Warden, you just need a Warden Commander to perform the rites,” he raised an eyebrow.

Kallian’s eyes got big as she caught on, and she looked at Hawke. 

“I’ve been ready for years,” Hawke told her, “I’m happy to stop waiting. And we have our trusty sidekicks with us.”

Fenris rolled his eyes at them but smirked.

Kallian nodded and looked at Nathaniel, “You’re serious?”

He nodded, “It appears I stumbled here for a reason. And you have witnesses to make it official.”

Hawke grinned down at her, “Have at it, Commander,” he told Nathaniel.

“It’s really more you two, I can just pronounce you married. Do either of you have something to say to the other, make it more than just my word?” Nathaniel asked.

Hawke turned and looked at Kallian and took her hand in his. He placed his other along her jaw and ran his thumb along her cheek. “Little dragon, you are everything I need in this world. You are what fills my heart with joy, you are what irritates me to no end.” They both laughed, and he continued, “you are my soul and my love. I have loved you since the first kiss, and I will love you long past the last. I pledge my life to you.”

Kallian sniffled and Zevran produced a handkerchief beside her, which she happily took. “This is why I keep him around,” she chuckled.

“Garrett, you’ve fixed my broken heart twice now. You’re all I want and more than I deserve. You gave me my purpose back. You are my everything. I promise to be a better wife to you then I’ve been a girlfriend. I swear to never leave your side again, to never cause you heartache again, and to be the one to protect you when the world becomes too much. I will love you until the end of time,” she pledged to him.

He dragged her close and kissed her hard in response as Nathaniel chuckled beside them. “I guess you’re not going to wait for me. Congratulations Hawke, she’s your problem now.”

*** 

Kallian and Hawke rode on his horse, with her in Hawke’s arms. They were only a few days out from Redcliffe. Zevran and Fenris rode ahead on their respective horses, talking and sharing stories. 

“It’s nice to see them both happy. They each need someone to love, I hope they figure it out soon,” Kallian chuckled watching the elves ahead.

“I wonder if that’s how our friends felt, Lady Hawke,” Hawke buried his nose in the back of her neck while he pulled her closer with one hand.

Kallian felt something hit her back. “Why Messere Hawke, it appears you have a sword with you.”

Hawke nibbled on the tip of her ear while his hand crawled up her shirt, cupping a breast. “Stay quiet,” he softly growled in her ear. She shimmied closer to him in response.

Her hands grabbed his legs to steady herself as he teased one of her nipples with his fingertips. “Do you remember what you said by the fire last week? Because I’ve been thinking about it ever since.” He whispered to her as he nibbled her neck. He continued to play with her breast as she pressed her back to his chest. “Mmmm…are you wet for me, wife? Do you want me to touch you?”

She nodded.

“Tell me.” He said not moving his hand.

“Please, Garrett.” She begged him.

“Can you be quiet? You don’t want those two to know what we’re up to.” He teased her. She nodded and bit back a moan as his hand slid down along her abdomen and into her breeches. Her shirt was long enough that it covered anyone from seeing anyway, but still, the thrill of being caught increased his desire. 

The hands on his legs tightened when he brushed along her clit. “You are wet, mmm, are you thinking about last night? About me on top of you, filling you?”

She let out a quiet moan in response and nodded. Her hips started to gyrate as she could feel a pull in her abdomen.

“When we stop for the night, I don’t want to wait to set up camp. I want to pull you away from the others and fuck you, wife. I want everyone to hear you scream my name, to know the Hero is mine and only mine. That I bring her to such pleasures. Do you want that? Do you want me to fill you?” He licked her earlobe.  She nodded in reply, unable to find her voice.

“What if I put a baby in that belly of yours, so everyone knows you are my beloved? Should I do that tonight? Should I take you until you are ripe?”

Kallian nodded, “Yes, please Garrett.” Her arm reached behind his head and held on as he pressed two fingers in her heat and began to move them in and out of her. She put her head back on his shoulder.

“Shh, dragon, we don’t want them to hear. You have to be quiet.” He warned her.

“Oh, please,” she begged as she scrambled for something to grab onto, her belly tight. His hand giving her stimulation but not enough, she needed him. He wrapped his free arm around her and held her down while he fucked her with his fingers. She squeezed her eyes shut and bit her lip, feeling that pull, so close, so so close. 

“Come for me Kalli, and I will take you the minute we set up camp. I will take you any way you want. Come for me.” He said nibbling on her ear.

She placed her hand in her mouth and tried to block out the sounds, her breathing hard around her hand as her insides squeezed on his fingers. Her other hand pulled on his hair behind her, trying to find release. She came hard around his fingers, imagining riding him later, him claiming her. “My beautiful wife, my little dragon. You are so magnificent when you come for me.” He kissed her cheek.

She tried to catch her breath as he removed his hand from her breeches and locked eyes with her while he licked each finger clean. “I cannot wait to have you later,” he groaned in her ear.

***

Hawke walked from the nursery carrying his son, and placed the child in Fenris' arms. The boy had jet black hair, and the same brown eyes as his father. “Fenris, meet Anders Carver Hawke. These, my son, are you uncles Fenris and Zevran.”

Zevran leaned against Fenris to get a better look. “Oh, how cute. We should find ourselves one of these, mi amor.”

“No, we should not.” Fenris deadpanned, while looking at the boy in his arms.

Hawke sat next to Varric on the couch, “How long are you staying, dwarf?”

“Just a few days, Hawke. Being Viscount is demanding work.” Varric replied.

“I still can't believe they named you Viscount. I wonder if it was a punishment for everything?”

Varric chuckled, “Probably. How long you think it is before Broody and Stabby decide your boys need some cousins?”

Hawke snorted at Varric’s names for them, and smiled seeing his wife enter with another swaddled boy. “I get the feeling Fenris is happy just being an uncle.” He took the boy from Kallian's arms, and she went to sit beside Zevran who made room for her to snuggle against him and look at the child in Fenris’s arms. “Varric, meet Malcolm Alistair Hawke.”

Varric cooed as he held the boy.  His hair was blonde like his mother, but still with Hawke’s eyes. “How'd she talk you into going for Alistair?”

“I believe the conversation was something like, ‘I had to carry two of your babies at once. His middle name is either Alistair or you never touch me again.’” Hawke chuckled as he answered quietly so she would not hear.

“Ah, so diplomatically then,” Varric laughed as the boy in his arms played with his fingers. “Hello there, Blondie number two.”

“Maybe we can think up a different nickname,” Hawke smirked.

***

“ _ Keep crying, baby.” _

“ _ Stupid knife-ear.” _

“ _ Keep crying like that and the Templars are gonna drag you off and make you Tranquil.” _

_ Kallian balled her body up into a corner crying. She didn't want to be here. It wasn't fair, those large men in armor had dragged her away from her home, and now she was in this strange tower with no windows. Older kids were surrounding her, calling her names, she just wanted to go home. She hugged her legs tighter to herself, and cried silent tears and then noticed that it had gotten quiet around her. _

_ She looked up to see an older boy, maybe around twelve, was standing between her and the others. He was facing them, his back to her so she couldn’t see his face. _

“ _ The mute Anders freak thinks he's going to protect her?” _

_ Kallian could see what looked like sparks appearing in the boy's hand. The crackling of it getting louder. _

“ _ Come on, she's not worth it.” _

_ Kallian whimpered as the older boy turned around to her after the others had all left. He knelt down to look at her. He had short, strawberry blonde hair and kind eyes. She could feel the tears burning behind hers as she looked up at him. _

“ _ Please, don't hurt me, I just want to go home. Please, I'll be good, I won't do anymore magic, please.” she started crying. _

_ The boy reached his hand out and touched hers gently. “Shh.” he said. “I won't hurt you. Are you ok?” _

_ She looked at him as she unfolded herself and nodded. “I'm Kallian.” she sniffled. _

_ The boy handed her a handkerchief to wipe her eyes. “Hi, Kallian. Everyone here calls me Anders. Do you want to come sit with me in the library?” _

“ _ Everyone keeps trying to hurt me,” she sniffled again. _

“ _ Come sit with me,” Anders held out his hand to her, “I'll keep you safe, ok? No one will hurt you while I'm around.” _

_ Kallian nodded, taking Anders hand as he led her to the library. _


End file.
